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I thought maybe there was a petite board coming, but I couldn't find it to post this, so 20's is where it next best fits I suppose?
I'm tiny, we're talking barely 5 foot. And I'm 21. So I realize that I look 16, but most wedding professionals I meet with don't take me seriously from the start.
I went in to a local florist recently and asked about wedding florals. The lady completely blew me off and said they don't have time to stop and talk, they're very busy, and that I would have to make an appointment to talk wedding flowers. Well, what did she think I was there to do? So I smiled and made an appointment. The lady seemed flabbergasted that I wanted to actually make an appointment. Suddenly she became sweet as honey to me.
This hasn't been my only indcident of the like. I've had so many wedding pro's talk to me like I'm 6 years old, blow me off, patronize me, etc. And the ones who come around only do so if I ask millions of pointed and knowledgeable questions. So I've started dressing in suits and such to even go into florists' shops or do anything wedding related to avoid the lack of being taken seriously.
I don't understand why any wedding pro would ever treat a bride like this, 16 or 35. Aren't we all there to spend money on them? Has anyone else encountered this problem? It really irritates me and has even been hitting at my emotions lately. How would you suggest handling this? Is there something I can do from appearance or the very beginning to get them to take me seriously?
I'm having a hard time trying to get estimates for venues and whatnot,by myself, so I usually have to bring the Boy with me (he's a little older).
When you use terms like "like" and "um," people just assume that you're a young, and that can only mean two things to them: 1) you're only looking cause you're too young to get married or 2) because you are so young, you're probably getting married to some old rich guy = kaching!
In any case, I just tell myself that they're bitter because I am young and in love :P
Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness.
To say I know how you feel would be an understatement. People constantly think I'm 12 or younger (I'm also 5' exactly, and I'm turning 20 this month) - last month, someone assumed I was FFIL's granddaughter and he's only 50.
People laugh at me, think I'm adorable, think that I'm naive, that I'm not serious and I don't know what I want or am talking about, etc every single day until they get to know me. They think it's okay to say rude things just because it's surprising to them. So far, I haven't met wedding vendors in person, but I'm quite sure I'll get the same reaction that I do every other day.
Sooner...I get that, too. I'm 5'0 and I don't wear make-up. I'm often mistaken for a teenager (I'm 29.) Tip:
1) Call them to set up an appt. Then, when you show up, they can't just blow you off.
2) Bring a "spreadsheet" or notebook & calculator and take notes while they talk. That way, they know you're serious.
3) If they have crappy customer service, put it up on yelp.com or on weddingbee.com. That'll warn other brides not to go there. Hey....if they want business, they better treat customers respectfully.
On a brighter note:
This "looking young" problem will become "flattery" when we turn 60ish or so. =)
I haven't gotten this from vendors because I'm young looking, but trying to talk to them at the bridal show and over e-mail when I was living in Portland and trying to plan was horrible as none of them would take me seriously whenever I mentioned that i was planning for a 2011 wedding in 2009. I also got a hard time just for asking for a price breakdown from a few different vendors because theirs was a more inclusive package.
Wow I hear you both on this one! I'm 5'2" and 21, and people constantly think I'm young. When people meet me, they assume I'm in high school, even though I'm almost finished with my graduate degree!
My professor in my first speech class in college ACTUALLY told me that no one will take me seriously because I'm too "cute". He also told me that unless I learn to deepen my voice, I will never be respected in my field (I'm a scientist). The sad thing is, I know he is right! There is a stigma against small girls, especially in male-dominated professions like the Sciences. That doesn't mean it's okay though!
I don't have much advice, I just wanted to sympathize with you :( I have found that wearing heels and dressing up (even if you dress a little older than you are) helps a lot. There is no way to get around it though, because people often go on first impression. My advice is to put everything out there immediately or to come with your FH so vendors know right off the bat that you are serious.
And maybe try deepening your voice!!!! :eyeroll: ;) Good luck!
Neato...you can tell that professor (in a deep voice if he prefers)....to shove it up his ***! I'm sure he'll understand that....what w/ his extensive education and all. Those 1-syllable words would be "cute" enough for him, wouldn't they? 
I have the same problem, usually I call first as I have according to a PR rep 'a very professional manner' and that gets them to take me seriously, and also asking pointed questions. when I rock up I wear heels (even tho im a ballet flat kind of girl) and my business suits.
Because Im 24 and constantly being mistaken for a 16/17 year old, I do that for my first meeting and then after that, I wear what I want.
Im older than FH and he gets taken more seriously for an intial meeting than me.
Anyway. It sucks. But I reckon when were 60 people are going to think we are in our early 40s so meh. It evens out in the end!
It's not just short girls! I'm 5'10 & 23 and the other day someone thought I was my brothers younger sister...he's 15 (he's also 6'5, but come on!)
I am 5'2" and 23 years old (and look like I'm 12). I have had to learn how to basically come across as being "older" for my job (I'm a doctor of pharmacy student - who wants to take advice from a to-be pharmacist that looks like they are 12...)
Anyways, when meeting with wedding professionals, I would
That's nuts. I agree with @Eva: it helps to act "older" to overcome their impression that you're too young to be someone who is seriously planning a wedding.
I agree, you shouldn't use anyone as a vendor that blows you off. However, if you *recently went into the florist, I'm not too surprised they blew you off without an appointment. Valentine's day is their big money time for the entire year, so they are slammed, and I made an appointment before ever showing up. (though, I have asked ?s over the phone...)
These are all great suggestions, but honestly, I don't think they even make a dent. I've actually had people say to me "but you sounded so mature on the phone!"
They'll think what they want to - I've never used "like" "um" etc, and it's never made a difference. :/
Hi,
I'm a recent MOB and I am 4'11, and it is lousy when you're young, but guess what! I will be 50 this year, and people still think I am much younger, so we'll all have the last laugh!!! Chin up-BTW-I wouldn't do business with someone who blows me off either!
I don't change the way I look or act. I'm 25 and have a history of not being taken seriously. I am a goofball and don't hide it. I just laugh it off if they treat me like sh*t I don't come back. I write poor reviews on sites like yelp.com as well. At my optometrist the girl helping me was so shocked when I chose very expensive Prada frames and asked for polarized lenses, etc. I act like a kid but I make enough money to afford nice things every now and then. I hope that by not changing my personality for hoity-toity people it changes their perception of young and young-looking peopls.
I can relate. I'm 5'3", 110 pounds, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and don't wear makeup. I get the dumb-blonde stereotype from strangers all the time. Most people think I enjoy being told that I "don't look old enough to be getting married" -- I'm 24.
Most recently, my name was drawn from a bridal expo, and my FI and I were invited to a cookware show... and we're not talking cheap cookware. The saleswoman probably didn't expect the "little girl" and the Mexican FI to buy anything; she was floored when I not only decided to order a set, but pulled out my check book to pay for the whole thing on the spot.
When you look young, people assume you're not mature and that you don't have money. When I want to look older, I wear my glasses, put up my hair a bit, put on some heels, and dress slightly dressy. It helps quite a bit.
I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone! I've tried everything I can think of, from dressing in suits to bringing my "interview purse" (complete with a padfolio and file folders of wedding stuff) to bringing FH. It has been getting better, and in general my biggest problem has been with florists. I've been visiting florists since November, and stopped about a week before Valentine's Day, and not one was any different. They even act that way at bridal shows (although I understand they get a crazy array of people at bridal shows).
I've got my chin held high though; like many of you said, it'll be us "teenagers" with the last laugh when we look so young in our 60's!
I totally relate to you! I'm petite and typically get mistaken for a late high schooler or college student at most. Most vendors are shocked to discover I'm an attorney - the added bonus - my FI also looks like a high school kid. So most of the time, vendors thinks that two high school kids are getting married...hahaha :)
The best part is that if vendors think you are "young" and don't know anything, use it to your advantage when negotiating ;) I've done so and found it extremely helpful.
Also, no need to wear a suit to look more mature. Be yourself and like you said, hold your chin up! You are awesome and any vendor that blows you off is unprofessional and not intelligent, because they are losing a potential client. This only means that you will be able to find a vendor that will want to work with you! :)
I agree with all the posts that say I wouldn't hire anyone you blew me off! That just shows you those vendors are ones you don't want to work with.
I hear ya, I'm 5'0", 31y/o, and have been told I look like a college student.
It's all in your presentation anyways, if you talk to them and they pick up that you are serious then they will take you seriously!
Good luck =D
I am far from petite and not overly young looking (I'm 25 and usually get guessed around 20-21), but it's people like me and my high school friends who probably put all those florists in a bad mood. :(
My high school bff used to pretend we were getting married when we would wander through our local florist. We would talk about weddings and our 'fiancee' to each other loudly enough to be heard by the staff and then laugh and laugh and laugh after we left, thinking that they thought we were getting married. We, of course, were idiots.
I'm sorry that people treat you like a kid :( DEFINITELY not cool. If I were in your shoes, anytime anyone made a "You look so young!" comment, I would cock my head, look at them kind of quizzically and be like, "I'm sorry, did you intend for that to sound as rude as it did?" and then steamroll over their response (they likely wouldn't have much of one) with something like, "Can we discuss business now, or do you have further comments to make regarding my appearance?"
My daughter has the same issue, but she's 4'11". She recently had her first child and people would look at her and have that ugh look on their face like"16 and pregnant" and would talk to her as such. She thought of having a t shirt made that stated "i'm 25 years old, and have a bachalers degree and a job".
I'm almost 25 and have the same issues.. I do find that wearing makeup and dressing up a little more helps but I don't do it much because If they can't do business with the real me then they don't deserve my business. I have a even harder time calling a place to set an appointment because I sound more like a 12 yr old than anything else. Do what you have to do but don't let some disrespectful vendors change who you are
Be assertive with a little bit of a "bitch" undertone. Try to dress well. It's very much in how you present yourself and your demeanor. It shouldn't matter how short and young you look. Walk into every meeting with a vendor with a "I'm not gonna take any BS" attitude, and it should make a difference.
It's all in how you handle yourself. Handle yourself with authority and it'll come. Don't be afraid to walk away or comment about the wedding. I got a lot of this, too, particularly at a wedding show I attended (solo) but as soon as the vendors found out I was in control (me, not my parents paying...) they wizened up. Not being overly eager helped, too, I think, haha. I passed on a few vendors b/c of their behavior. Hell, even my photographer commented she normally won't shoot weddings of 22 year olds because of the maturity and was flabbergasted to find out I was, indeed, 22. Stupid lady. Coudln't tell from my mannerisms I guess.
Act authoritative! You're in charge! They'll realize that =]
I'm in the same boat... I'm 5'0 and 24 years old. Just this past week I have been mistaken as a 16 year old and then a 17 yeard old by 3 different people. I don't wear make-up and honestly I don't really know how to put it on so it would probly make me look even younger (like a young teenager that snuck into mommy's make-up bag!! LOL). I was a baseball game over the summer and the cashier REFUSED to sell me a beer. She then told me I need to wear make-up and heels to make myself look older and be taken seriously. I WAS AT A BASEBALL GAME!!! I wasn't going out for a night with the girls.Yeesshhhh.
I make myself feel better by knowing that when I'm 50 people will think I'm 30 ;) Just like @rlsulli said!
I can definitely relate to this thread. I'm 28 and in the final stages of getting my PhD, but tons of people at the university mistake me for an undergrad. This fall, I was walking to the University gym during freshman orientation, and a very sweet, well-meaning senior RA stopped me and said, "freshman activities are over here! What's your last name so I can find your nametag?"
I mostly dealt with vendors over the phone and via e-mail because I was planning from another state, so it wasn't so bad with the wedding, but I *loathe* shopping at department stores because the salespeople don't take me seriously. Once I practically had to beg the woman at the Clinique counter to wait on me -- I think she assumed that because I looked young, I was just there to play with the samples or wanted a free makeover or whatever. And shoe salespeople treat me like I'm radioactive, they avoid eye contact or act like I'm harrassing them when I ask to try a pair of shoes. (Thank god for DSW.) Just because I look young doesn't mean I don't have money to spend, folks. Grrr.
Can I join?! I'm 5'2", almost 25 and people think that I am 15. Case in point, one time a subcontractor came to do some repairs on our home, and the worker kept referring to me as my FI's daughter...WE ARE THE SAME AGE!!!!! The consensus seems to be that I have a young looking face. It probably does not help that I do not wear much makeup.
The advice about dealing with vendors listed above is great. I too have found that arranging appointments via email/phone and showing up with questions/note taking implements in hand really goes a long way. That being said, I have had several vendors blow me off because my email signature indicates I am a student (granted it says law student, so I could be 22-90 years told). To test, I have emailed them under an entirely different account that does not have this distinction, and have received prompt responses. Wtf?!
I'm joining, too. This has happened to me SO much during wedding planning! I'm young (20 when I started planning), and young looking- short and petite. Luckily, FI is a few years older and very mature looking, which helps. I don't have any helpful advice, but I can totally relate...
If it makes you feel any better, I've had plenty of parents of my patients refuse to see me as their doctor initially because "you're too young to be a doctor". I'm 38! I've had this problem all my life and only now is it starting to get better. It can be frustrating, but it's definitely taught me how to act with more gravitas...
Don't even get me started on the people who don't take you seriously until you are engaged or married. That's a whole other annoying thing!
DG- you DO look like you're way younger but I can't believe people tell you that you look too young to be a doctor! :)
Let's face it- you are 21- you ARE young. Definitely not too young to get married, but 21 isn't that old. So you just have to make sure that you stick up for yourself. I'm 29, but I constantly get told that I look way younger. At work, every single person that I'm responsible for managing is older than me. I get through it by being assertive and presenting myself in a professional manner. When you go visit your vendors, make appointments, and dress nicely. It can't hurt to bring the FI along with you for support :)
Miss Root- it's a lot less now, but when I was a resident it happened all the time. I'd get really annoyed because I knew I was way older than those parents ;)
urghhhh i hear ya! im 22 but constantly get told that i look like im 15.. so annoying
GAH - this happens to me sometimes. I'm 5', 105 lbs. I am 27 and if I don't make sure to dress well and watch the way I carry myself, people assume I'm 17. I had someone ask me once if my parents knew about the wedding/were helping with the wedding/said the wedding is okay. I told her that they are in fact helping me financially, because I just finished grad school a year ago and am in the process of buying a house...I've never seen someone look more confused! Adults come in many sizes, people! I agree with what Eva and ejs said about mannerisms and handling yourself.
i can relate to profiling. although most people don't see me and consider me young, i still have a difficult time getting people to take me seriously at first glance.
i have many piercings and visibile tattoos along my arms. i typically have some type of unnatural color placed in my blonde hair (currently a very sheer shade of pink) and while this works for my lifestyle and career (musician/hair stylist), it typically backfires when i need to be taken "seriously."
going into a lot of dress shops and meeting with vendors (and various other places), it's difficult to find people who are not rude from the beginning. after i begin speaking, things tend to change. this humors me to the extent that i sometimes will go out in public and dress a little more "funky" just to prove someone wrong because in this area, people are HIGH STRUNG. there is a lot of diversity here and many cultures, but many of these cultures and religions tend to frown upon body modifications...which i find so funny because many of these women who turn their nose up at my body mods don't realize that they are just as guilty with their silicone filled lips and saline ta-tas.
i say screw them. they will be the only ones to feel idiotic when they realize their judgments were entirely off.
Hello! I just wanted to chime in. I am in the same boat as many of the other girls who have posted here.... Short (4 '11), blonde, somewhat high-pitched voice, and just overall, ehhh, "cute", lol. I, however, have had very little experience with anyone not taking my seriously as far as wedding vendors go. I think, it really is (as others have expressed), the way that you carry yourself. I think if you exude confidence and maturity, your vendors will see that you are down to business and respect you. I don't necessariyl "exude maturity" (lol...), but I would say that I am very confident and even slightly, er, bitchy (not in a constantly PMS-ing way, but in an I-dont-care-what-your-opinion-is-because-mine-is-really-the-only-opinion-that-matters-anways kind of way).
Definitely don't change who are you for some random wedding vendors who you wont even care about a year from now... Be yourself and just be condifent in who you are & remember that YOU are paying THEM... not the other way around. Good Luck!!
I am angry that everyone is encouraging you to dress as if you are going to a job interveiw in order to SPEND YOUR MONEY. I saybe yourself dress the way u normally would for such meetings... THEY need YOUR money... If they aren't willing to treat you with the same respect they treat "older" customers find another vendor...
I met with a DoC last week and the first thing out of her mouth was "You're so YOUNG!"... I'm 5' 9" and yes, I have a baby face but that shouldn't be the first thing out of her mouth! My response was "... I'm 23" and after that she kinda steamrolled through the conversation. I didn't hire her.
If this happens with a vendor you really want to work with, call their "management" and explain how you were treated. Not only will you make them aware of the attitude of their service, but you may also receive a discount or incentive to try to reconcile your business.
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