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Don't Tell the Bride....The Proposals

Wedding registry debate

posted 3 months ago in Etiquette
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    1.
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    Newbee
    Guppy    September 2012  

    I'm a newbee to the boards but have been lurking the past few days.  I've read a few posts about registries so forgive me if this has been covered but  I'd love to hear from people who have either skipped it all together or have done a charity registry.  We're an older couple (my first marriage, his second) and we don't NEED anything.  Our honeymoon has been booked and paid for so we don't need contributions for that.  It would be NICE to have new things but...do I NEED them?  I'm torn.

    Any thoughts would be appreciated.  Thanks!

     

     
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    Honey bee
    DeathByDesign    February 18, 2012   Lives in Ontario, married in Quebec

    I think you should register anyway. No, you don't need new things, but people will likely want to get you gifts and it would be easier for them if you had a registry.

     
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    Honey bee
    smyley    May 2010  

    There's no requirement to have a registry, and if you're torn about it, skip it. If people want to give you a gift they will, or just because they may feel you didn't register because you don't need anything, will most likely give you cash.

     
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    Busy bee
    LibertyBelle    October 2013  

    It's up to you.  Since many people will likely want to give you a gift of some kind, it would be nice to set one up for them.  You don't have to make it big, and you could always use it to upgrade some things.  I know I would jump at the chance to fully replace and upgrade our crappy and so-so knives.  Could you use a new spare set of sheets?  Will your towels be ready to replace?

    If you don't want to go through the hassle of setting up a registry and trying to pick out new items, it's not the end of the world.  Most people will probably give you cash, but you may end up with some very random items that you really do not need for those who feel it's more traditional to provide a gift.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    mink    June 2012   Charlottesville, Virginia

    I wasn't going to register. I was going to tell people to donate to a dog rescue.  A friend of mine did it last year (she's in her 40s, I'm in my 30s). 

    My mother and aunts convinced me otherwise.  They said that some people will still want to give a physical gift and it's better to give them direction than to leave them up to their own devices. 

     

    I registered, but only for about 55 items (guest ilst of about 110).  I'm not going to add more to it.

     
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    Bumble bee
    All In    November 1, 2011  

    @DeathByDesign:  I think that's right--it's nice not to want to be selfish, but people want to give you gifts to show their happiness for you! 

     
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    Bee Keeper
    Juliepants    June 2, 2012   Ontario

    I don't think there's anything wrong with a charity registry, but people might just give you cash inside their card (especially if they don't care for your charity/already donate to it regularly) or choose their own presents anyway.

    Could you create a small registry of things you could use to upgrade?  Also, would you consider putting "no gifts" or your charity registry information on your website or on a card tucked into your invite package or spread the word by mouth?

     
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    Bumble bee
    rebwana    July 13, 2012   Baltimore, MD

    While you might not need anything, a lot of guests (especially aunts and grandmothers) love to buy pretty wedding things (used to work at Crate, so I'm a bit of a registry guru). Like Libertybelle suggested-Could you use new linens/towels? Could you upgrade a few items?

     
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    Newbee
    Guppy    September 2012  

    These are all good thoughts.  I think I need to get over feeling guilty about registering because I believe people will want to give gifts even if we say otherwise.  I need to forget about the criticism I see/hear about the consumerism/materialism that comes along with having a wedding.  Thanks, all.

     

     
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    Busy bee
    futuremrsfitz18    September 9, 2012   Boston, MA

    Create a small registry of upgrades, as PPs mentioned.  That way, those who want to give you a physical gift can do so and you won't end up with 11 ceramic roosters.

    Some people may not like the idea of a charity registry, because not everyone agrees with every charity (you said animal rescue, which is pretty universal, but its the principle of the idea.)  People want to give YOU gifts, not a charity.

     
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    Honey bee
    Treejewel19    May 18, 2012   Sonoma County, CA

    We just registered this past weekend (what a pain!!!). While we have been living together for five years now and really don't need anything it is a good opportunity to upgrade or replace things.

    People are going to ask what to get you and if you don't have registry you are running the risk of getting something you don't want and/or need. It is just easier all around for both you and your guests.

     
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    Newbee
    JasB12    June 23, 2012   Tulsa, OK

    We're doing a honeymoon registry with Honeymoon Pixie and adding the option of giving to charity on there. We'll give the money donated to charity to the ASPCA because we both really love animals. Have you considered maybe doing a small physical registry, a small honeymoon registry, and a charity registry? That way guests can go with whatever option they prefer. With the physical registry, you can upgrade stuff around your home, and with the honeymoon registry, you can upgrade things or add them to your honeymoon. (This is basically what we did, as we're paying for the bulk of our honeymoon ourselves but are giving guests the option of upgrading our suite, buying a couples massage, etc.)

     

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