(Closed) Wedding registry etiquette for wedding to which no one is invited

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m by no means an etiquette expert – but that’s definitely in very bad taste. It absolutely sounds like "I don’t want to plan/pay for a party, but send me a gift anyway."

It’s a sibling, so I’d probably end up buying them a little something anyway – but if it were any other relative/friend – they’d get a congrats email from me, and that’s it!

Post # 4
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Yeah, I’m not an expert either, but I agree that’s not a great idea.  It’s going to rub a lot of people the wrong way because he basically *is* saying "you don’t get to attend the wedding, I may or may not throw a reception, but I’m sure you’ll all want to give me presents."

It’s not wrong for them to register somewhere and pass along the information to people who ask what they might like as a wedding gift, but to mass e-mail a bunch of people who may or may not be invited to any wedding festivities with a list of the places you’re registered at strikes me as pretty greedy.

I say send a nice card and a bottle of wine or some other small gift, but don’t buy anything off their registry 😉

Post # 5
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Rude rude RUDE! Honestly, I don’t care if you put your registry information discretely on the invitation, but to not even invite anyone (even to a reception!) and then to assume that people are going to send you gifts! That’s just rude.

Post # 6
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

No he either does a reception or does not. If he does not do one it is by no means appropriate to register. That is a little tacky.  I am having a intimate wedding with immediate family only and my FI has a large, large extended family and seriously if we did a traditional wedding our guest list would be over 200. I did not register at all because we are not doing a reception for those not invited afterwards. I would never ask someone who did not attend our wedding  and I did not have a reception to get us a gift.

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ya, since he’s your brother i’d send a gift personally.

But I"d let him know that what he wrote wasn’t really in good taste. Nice thing about family is that you can be honest with them. Then again, maybe people are harassing him for registry information, and in guy speak, this means "here’s the information you all want".

I agree, if his FI had sent the email I’d be more like, "OMG why’d she do that?!" but guys don’t really know, so he probably just needs some guidance. I bet he thought he was being helpful and savvy, haha. It would bristle my feathers to get an email like that though, because I, too, would read it as "not invited to the wedding, will have a reception if you’re interested in coming AND bringing a gift"

Post # 9
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Since he is a sibling, I would get a gift anyway. He sounds like he’s trying to be casual about the whole thing. My sister had a small wedding and she registered even though a lot of people didn’t attend. Relatives used it to get bday and Christmas presents for the next few years lol

Post # 10
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

Maybe he is a no-frills kind of guy and doesn’t know how to go about planning these knds of things.  It does seem a bit tacky but I think it might be understandable if he really is clueless about these sort of stuff.  I’m a little surprised, though, that the bride wasn’t the one initiating..

Post # 11
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Hah! This is why brides plan the wedding! Seriously. Um, no, not cool, but my guess is that he’s just being a clueless guy.

Post # 12
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

The only thing e-mails like that would make me do is not attend any reception and definitely not send a gift. Then again, I have yet to give anyone a gift from a registry!

Post # 13
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

That was definitely a poorly written email on his part. He should have mentioned that they were getting married abroad (left it at that, with no mention of whether anyone was invited), mentioned they were considering a reception upon return (with NO poll on whether guests would attend), and NEVER should the bride & groom come out and mention their registries. They should only give this info when asked for it directly.

 

Post # 14
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - The Grand Old House, Grand Cayman

Wow, I can see why you are put off by his approach.  One of the reasons why most men shouldn’t handle wedding communication!  Mr. K wanted to send invites over email to his college buddies!  Eek!  Since he is a sibling, I would still send a gift, but probably not from the registry. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I didn’t get either of my brothers wedding gifts.  A gift is NEVER required.  Even if it is a sibling.  I think that he’s asking a bit much of everyone.  I’m calling bad etiquette on that one!

Post # 16
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Oh man, that’s wrong on so many levels.  The worst part to me is that he’s basically saying "I don’t really care about celebrating with you unless you make me (ie tell me that you would like me to throw a party"…..Wow. 

I don’t care whether it’s a sibling or not–I probably would just respond as follows:

 

Congratulations!

West Coast Bride

 

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