Post # 1
Recently, FI and I bought our wedding rings. However, FI says he is not keen on the idea of wearing a ring, and that it feels very claustrophobic to him. He is also not keen because of his job.
Now, I used to assume that all men wore wedding rings… it was just the done thing, and not wearing one was a bit odd and suspicious… but closer study has shown me that, actually, quite a few people I know don’t wear them. For example, although my father wore a ring when he was married to my mother, he doesn’t wear one now that he is married to my stepmother. He says that his fingers have just become so boney now that rings knock and hurt them.
My father also points out that men only started wearing wedding rings during WW2, possibly as visible markers of their wedding when they were posted abroad, far from their families.
Anyway, I told FI that I would like him to wear a ring for our wedding. However, if he still doesn’t like wearing it after a month has passed, I won’t mind if he stops wearing it. I just want him to try it, because I think it’s a meaningful symbol of marriage.
Thoughts? Ideas? Discussions?
Post # 3
My dad doesn’t wear his ring either and it’s not a big deal. He has sensitive skin and just doesn’t like the metal, which I can understand. Your FI should at least wear the ring at the wedding for pictures and the symbolism. I know guys who don’t wear the ring daily but do wear it if they’re attending a family event or going for a night out with friends, so I think there’s a lot of room for compromise if he doesn’t want to wear it everyday.
Post # 4
Personally, I want FI to wear a wedding band (he wants to as well) so I think if FI was against it, I’d do what you did and ask he try. My boss doesn’t wear his wedding band, and I’m not sure why though. I think its just a preference thing.
When I first started wearing an engagement ring I felt claustraphobic with it on and it freaked me out. I don’t wear any jewelery and take medication for anxiety and stuff. But it is something I am not used to…and if I don’t have it on…I feel SO naked!
It becomes a part of you eventually.
Post # 5
I would just ask him to try. Rings almost always feel weird and uncomfortable to people who don’t normally wear them (I was one of those people) but after awhile you don’t really notice them on but you will feel weird not wearing one. Funny how things happen like that. Anyways, he might surprise himself and actually not mind it once he gets used to it.
Post # 6
My SO and I have talked about this quite a bit, he works with his hands and feels that a ring will get in the way (he doesn’t wear a watch or any jewellery unless we’re going out). So I’ve compromised with him that he won’t have to wear his wedding band everyday but if he goes out with friends or we’re going out somewhere formal he’ll have to wear it. Similar to his watches. I won’t worry if he doesn’t want to wear it every day a lot of guys who work with their hands don’t wear wedding rings (same goes with women because when I’m helping him with his business I don’t wear any jewellery because I don’t want to damage it).
Personally I’d ask him to wear it the day of the wedding and if he feels it will get in the way because of his job, then on the weekends when he’s not working.
Post # 7
I don’t care if my husband wears his band or not, but he wants to. He was offended that I said that… but I was like, dude, we’re married whether you have a ring on or off, a tutu on or off, or high heels on or off.
What you wear doesn’t give any meaning to your marriage, IMO. So, if he didn’t like to wear his ring, I would never press him to do it. It’s his body.
Post # 8
What is his job? Personally, I would rather have my husband wear a band if he didn’t have a job that made that dangerous. My Dad was a carpenter so he never wore a band. I don’t think it’s too big of a deal if your FI just doesn’t like the feel of a ring on his finger.
Post # 9
@Rachel631: My FIL and MIL had this fight about 40 years ago. Their compromise was that he wore it on their honeymoon and then could take it off. He did and has been the most loyal husband a father. It isn’t because of his job (he in a white collar job where he doesn’t use his hands), it is jus the doesn’t like jewelry. He jokes whenever one of his sons gets married that he has a gently used wedding ring he can pass along (MIL vetos it– while he is alive, it is his).
Post # 10
my dh started wearing his ring all the time (24/7) after we got married. i personally take my rings off when i get home. i told him he didn’t have to wear his ring all of the time. i know we are married and that’s all that matters. now, he only wears it when we go out or we have company but other than that, his finger is bare.
Post # 11
Is is the fact that most men’s rings are so thick/chunky that he dislikes? My FI doesn’t like most rings because of that, but I ended up finding him a thinwall titanium ring that he really likes. I don’t understand how it feels “claustrophobic” to him, unless marriage itself feels that way.
Post # 12
My SO has mentioned a few times that he doesn’t plan to wear one b/c his father doesn’t, but I really want him to because it means a lot to me (plus he travels for business a lot and I like that he’d have one to wear). So down the road, I think we’re going to agree to him wearing it for the whole first year of marriage – if he really doesn’t like it after that, he can make the decision to wear it or not.
I think a compromise is good, and you should see how he feels after a month of wearing it.
Post # 13
@Puppy Love: Emergency services.
@vorpalette: I think it’s because rings feel tight sometimes, and they completely encircle your finger, which is obviously quite a sensitive body part in the way that your wrist, say, is not.
Anyway, like I say, I’ve asked him to wear it for a month and then see how he feels. I think he’ll probably not notice it after a while. If he still hates it after all that time, he can ditch it.
Out of interest, does anyone know more about the history of men wearing wedding rings, and would they care to enlighten us?
Post # 14
Neither of my parents wear their wedding rings (my mom hates jewelry and my dad’s fingers have gotten too chubby for his original ring). My SO claims he won’t be wearing one either. Guess I’m the only one that will actually look like they’re married!
Post # 15
@Rachel631: He may just be unused to wearing rings. My FI will occasionally wear his wedding band to ease into the feeling of wearing it, and he wears a ring on his other hand.
Post # 16
My FI will definitely be wearing his ring- not only is he excited about wearing it, but there’s something really hot about it. Is that weird??