Post # 1
So for the past few months FI and I have been looking at wedding bands to go with my ering. Long story short their aren’t any. Going the custom route? Yep, tried that too but there are no options that I like. I don’t want to add more metal to the ring, because I already think that the side stones get lost in it. I really don’t want to add more blue or white stones to the side, because then the sublty of the stones that are already there is lost. I am not going to add anymore alternating stones because I don’t want to run the risk of it looking like a dalmation ring. We were going to get a jacket that would put a larger sapphire on each side of the center moissy, but I don’t want anything soldered. At this point we have tried to pair hundreds of options with it but we hate them all. Even most of the jewelers told us that it just doesn’t look like a wedding band is in the cards for us.
Our options are matching wedding bands and my ering becomes a RHR. He doesn’t like this idea because I told him that I would occassionally wear other rings on my RH and that the ering would go in the jewelry box. He also likes the idea of a claddagh ring, because on it’s own it is a complete ring, but it’s not something that I’m sure I love. And lastly not having a wedding band, which he is also against.
To make this a little more complicated FI’s feelings are at stake here. We orginally looked at a lot of rings so that he could get an idea of what I liked, but he was going to surprise me with a ring. He did, and while it is very pretty it doesn’t incorporate much of what I actually wanted. He thought it did, but it really doesn’t. Every ring that I loved had a straight, solid shank and 5 stones, with the two next to the center stone being sapphire. I don’t know how he got split, twisted shank that is impossible to fit a wedding band with out of that, but he did, and it’s pretty, and I love him and it. (I was actually pretty disappointed at first but over the first few weeks it grew on me and I really do love it) He has mentioned in a very sad and hurt tone the idea of just starting over and getting a different ering that we can add a wedding band to. I admit I would totally go for this if it wouldn’t hurt him. But it would hurt his feelings, and it would make me look (and feel) like a total bitch. And although I’m sure that we could find a ring I would like the look of more, I am very sentimentally attached to this one. But the more we look and the more nothing works out the more resentful I get that my opinions were ignored from the beginning. (Ok, in all fairness they weren’t ignored, he just didn’t “get it”.)
Does anyone have any ideas of either how to have a wedding band or to navigate this without hurting his feelings?
Post # 3
I realize that I forgot to post a pic for reference:
Post # 4
@BuBuBubbles: have you tried a very thin diamond band with it? It would have a gap but I personally love the look of a thin eternity band with a larger engagement ring.
As far as not hurting his feelings…that’s a tough one for me to give advice because my FH would just tell me to do whatever I want. He doesn’t really care about jewelry, but I’m also very active in choosing my ring. You have listed out you options and it sounds like he doesn’t like any of them, which is understandable, but maybe if you let him know that it’s not a reflection of him in any way, he would come to terms with it.
If it was me, I would either wear your current ring with a very thin (1.5 mm) diamond eternity band, or get a new set and keep your current ring for its sentimentality. You could wear it on your right hand whenever you want to.
Post # 5
How can a custom route not offer you any options you like? You custom making it to your specifications. Perhaps see a different vendor?
Post # 6
Awww… I’m sorry that the communication signals got mixed up! An e-ring is such a significant expense and there is sentimentality attached to it, so it is a touchy subject.
My advice would be to explore ways that the ring can be completely re-worked, using the existing stones and metal.
For example, take the stones completely out and have them placed in a new setting. Use the leftover metal e-ring and have it customized somehow, perhaps melt it down into a plain band?
Would any of those ideas be an option?
My DH originally proposed with an old family solitaire. I didn’t want a solitaire so we took the diamond out and had it placed in a totally different setting. Now I’m thinking of using the leftover metal band and having it re-worked into a simple plain white gold band.
Post # 7
@BuBuBubbles: what’s wrong with just wearing the e-ring by itself? Plenty of people do that.
Post # 9
How long have you been engaged? I ask because I wasn’t excited about my ring at first (it was a princess cut) and I LOVE it now. Well, your ring is very pretty but if you don’t love it and you have given it time then it can be a problem. I feel that jewelry is expensive and because it is so, you should enjoy wearing it. I would say that you love that he picked it out and what it represents and now that you have been shopping around and not being able to match it with a band concerns you. And although you’d be open to changing the setting to something that would work better to pair with a band, since the band is ultimately a symbol of your marriage commitment. It’ up to him, but that you would love to be wear them both together forever.
I had to change my setting once already because I’m rough with my hands and I broke it. And now I’m changing it again because the diamond is loose. It’s a hard conversation to have but at the end of the day our guys just want us to be happy. Have some options ready to show him.
Also if you end up keeping it, have you considered having and eternity band? I think that would look lovely together. Maybe a diamond one and a sapphire one. I’m posting another bee’s photo of her rings, I think they look gorgeous
Post # 10
@mstellah: 🙁 Tried. A diamond ring won’t work because the center stone is moissy. My ring doesn’t look yellow until a row of white diamonds is put next to it. As for using moissy, they don’t make them as small as we would need them to be. Part of it is the awkward positioning of the side stones. They are alternating, which is fine, but if there were any more of them it would look tacky. (I really hate alternating colored/white stones)
The only way anyone could work with this is by soldering, and I’m uncomfortable with that. And even then, more metal would have to be added to the ring, which already has so much that the side stones get lost.
Post # 11
@girltuesday: We’ve been engaged since August. It isn’t that I don’t like the ring, I do. I didn’t at first, but it grew on me. Adding a pave diamond eternity ring like you did would be the best optioin…….if it wouldn’t make the center moissanite look dingy.
Post # 12
Maybe you could take the moissy out, place it in a new setting that is just like you originally had in mind, and then keep this other setting as a RHR and put a sapphire in it? Something like that maybe….
Post # 13
@BelliniChic: That I like, but I really think that the idea would hurt his feelings. But my current ring would look beautiful with a sapphire center.
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
Maybe something like
or a really tiny band like
Your ring is gorgeous,though i agree does seem nearly impossible to find a band since it has a thick band and the diamond. Our maybe alternating between wedding band, e ring, and rhr ? What about taking ring to jeweller and getting it slightly altered?
Post # 15
@BuBuBubbles: That’s actually not my ring but I picture I found on here of another girls ring. I think it’s beautiful. I don’t know how Moissy’s are graded, but I’m sure you can find a band with diamonds of similar color or slighlty less clear. There’s different sizes too. Like 1.5mm or 2mm width that will add the the beauty of your e-ring but not outshine it.
You know your relationship best and what is best appropriate. But like I said I’ve changed mine twice, the first time it was a no Brainer since it broke. This second time around I had to bring it up because of my concerns. I felt a little petty and spoiled before I spoke to him about it, but afterwards I felt incredibly relieved. One of my girlfriends advised me to just say it as casually as I possibly could, so it didn’t seam like a life and death situation, and it was great advice. If you are going to spend the rest of your life with him, start finding ways to approach these sticky subjects. I’m sure he just wants you to be happy
Post # 16
I love your e-ring! If it was mine I would get thin diamond eternity, thin sapphire eternity and thin plain band so I could wear any of them depending on my mood.