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Etiquette states that those not invited to the wedding should not be invited to a shower. Your sister, being a member of your immediate family, also should not be hosting a shower for you. However, I would not give up hope of someone still doing something for you as a surprise in the way of a shower or gift that would be acceptable. For example, when one of my co-workers had a destination wedding, and no one from our office was invited, we still -- on our own -- got together and purchased a very generous gift card for her from a store where she had registered. I've given a shower gift to someone when I wasn't even invited to the person's shower, just because I wanted to give her a gift.
i'd never heard any etiquette rule that says immediate family can't host showers... in my family, it's always been the siblings that throw the parties. my cousins all had their thrown by their siblings or mothers and same with my sisters. so... if there's going to be one, it will be done by a family member.
i'm just unsure about how rude it would be to invite the people not invited to the wedding. like if it would send mixed signals and make them think they are invited to the wedding... or something. or would they be resentful at all.
i guess i can express my concerns and ask that the guest list be kept only to people going to the wedding... keep it small. i'm not really a social person and would feel more comfortable with a small lunch or dinner with my mother, sisters, and BFF anyway...
I agree with Brielle. It is not polite to invite people to a gift giving party when they are not invited to the wedding. Immediate family members also aren't supposed to host a shower for you.
But she could host a bridal luncheon so you can get together with ladies who aren't invited. But no gifts, no games, just a little socialization and maybe a light refreshment of sorts.
@rosworms: The following link may be helpful. Although members of your immediate family may help with the shower, they should not be listed as hosts for the event on the invitations.
http://www.ehow.com/about_6587528_wedding-showers-etiquette.html
@Brielle: I can understand mothers hosting the shower being a bit iffy but siblings are an entirely different story. Lots of brides have their sisters as their MOH. Traditionally, the MOH hosts the shower so the logic that a sibling cannot host isn't really there.
@rosworms: In my opinion, who cares who throws the shower? If that's what your family does, continue to do it. I, personally, haven't ever cared one way or another who was hosting the showers that I have attended. My FSIL, FMIL, and mom will be throwing mine because they asked to do it.
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i'm having a destination with maybe about ten guests only.
my sister wants to throw me a wedding shower... but i'm afraid nobody will want to come and that it's rude to invite people who aren't coming to the wedding. is it rude to do this even though it's a destination wedding?