Wedding shower

posted 2 years ago in DIY
Post # 2
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee

Why would you want to do this? Traditionally, the idea of a shower is to provide the bride with gifts to help set up her household. Usually friends of the bride, but occasionally family members will gather a group of people who are happy to help out a couple and are generously offering their time and gifts to celebrate. Do you want a group of people to celebrate the fact that you are getting married? You could plan an engagement party then. Do you want people to shower you with gifts? That might not sit well with others. It’s been done before (and probably will be done again), but to answer your question, yes, it is weird.

Post # 3
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Kwhite20:  yes. It’s also never supposed be be planned by the bride or asked for by the bride. It is something offered by friends and/or family to celebrate you.

If you are in a situation where your friends and/or family have not planned a shower, but you still want to celebrate something with them, then hosting a bridesmaid appreciation luncheon prior to the wedding is not out of order as long as you note that it is an event you are hosting to appreciate the dear friends and family who have been there for you through the years and make absolutely no mention of gifts.

Post # 4
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

I will probably the minority on here for this one and I’m well aware of the traditions, but I would say no personally because I’m assisting in the planning with mine.  As far as “tradition” goes, the guests who are invited aren’t necessarily, IMO, going to care who’s throwing it as they were planning to buy a gift and attend a shower for the bride anyway.  I’ve never heard a guest ask “who’s throwing the shower?” and gasp if the bride is helping out with it in any form… The shower is just expected as part of the wedding process so generally the guests ask “when’s the shower?” as showers aren’t surprises anymore especially in this time period.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
41840 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There are some things that brides need to leave in others’ hands. The shower is one of them. It is rude to host an event for yourself  to which guests are required to bring gifts.

Post # 6
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Kwhite20:  Again I am with jessica.j.baron:  in being the minority because no one has time. I have acted as the go between for the girls and my mom. We have all discussed things as a group since its the first one for any of us. I would say it is uncommon for you to be fully in charge though 

Post # 7
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

julies1949:  I agree with the hosting yourself and expecting gifts is rude however you can help with it and even help out the girls pay for it as it is your shower.  Everyone is bringing gifts for you so IMO it makes sense for the bride to pay for some of it to help out the hostess.

The reason that I say this is because there have been MANY posts on here where the bees give a bride advice or ‘lovely’ comments about how her girls are NOT obligated to throw her any party because they have their own lives with their own finances.  But yet, showers are expected by most guests and will buy a gift for the couple – So….. if the bridesmaids or other women in the brides’ life aren’t obligated to throw her this shindig, then who is supposed to?

Love the catch-22 with these things 🙂

Post # 8
Member
3632 posts
Sugar bee

Kwhite20:  In the US (east coast) bride participation is pretty much limited to suggesting dates when you’re available and providing a guest list, for the designated number of projected guests. And that’s it!

 

Post # 9
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I just had my shower on Sunday past. The only thing I knew was the time and day as I booked the hall (as part of our wedding package we got shower space). My bridesmaids did all the work and did an awesome job. I know people who were more involved than me in the planning so that’s fine. I don’t know about doing all the planning yourself. It was nice having them do it.

Post # 10
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The only thing the bride should have input on is the date and the guest list.

Post # 11
Member
41840 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

jessica.j.baron:  No bride should expect a shower. The bridal party is not obligated to host one. A shower can be hosted by anyone close to the bride- friends, family of the bride, family of the groom, club members, work colleagues etc. If no one close to the bride wants to host a shower, then she doesn’t have one, plain and simple.

Showers need not be expensive. Maybe it is that expectation that needs to be reigned in. Having  a few  women over to your home (or someone else’s home) for tea, punch, and a few snacks doesn’t cost a lot. If the expectation is that 50-60 women will be invited to a restaurant for lunch, and no one can afford it, the  expectation and the plan, or both, needs to be changed.

No variance in any of those circumstances makes it acceptable for a grown woman to host a shower for herself.

Post # 12
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Kwhite20:  a shower is a party someone hosts in your honor. its never ok to plan and host your own shower – you will come off as gift grabby. As PP said your only involvement should be providing a guest list and a date if you don’t want it to be a surprise

Post # 13
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

jessica.j.baron:  But yet, showers are expected by most guests and will buy a gift for the couple – So….. if the bridesmaids or other women in the brides’ life aren’t obligated to throw her this shindig, then who is supposed to? Love the catch-22 with these things

 

It’s not a catch-22.  No one is owed a shower.  If your friends don’t want to throw you one, you don’t get one.  The end. 

 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  junkbee.
Post # 14
Member
988 posts
Busy bee

 

jessica.j.baron:  I’m half in agreement with you, and half not. 🙂

I agree with your first comment that if OP really wants to have a shower, but no one has offered to throw it, she could talk to family/bridesmaids and offer to cover the costs involved and be active in the planning process. It isn’t typical or traditional, but I don’t think it’s awful. Just don’t do it for the wrong reasons. If you want a shower just because you want more gifts, then I would advise not doing it. If you want a shower because it sounds like a fantastic and fun way to spend and afternoon with friends, then go for it.

I do disagree that showers are expected and put bridesmaids in a catch-22. It’s a nice gesture, but as PP have said, not an obligation. As far as I know, I’m not having a wedding shower.

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