Post # 1
I am posting this question to you. I haven’t decided which way to go as I’m torn myself.
So my question is:
Do I invite only people who are invited to the wedding to the shower or can I invite everyone I care about?
FH and I decided to only invite family and a few close friends (mostly in our wedding party). Both of our families live far away and may not be able to attend the shower. Also, I would like to invite my friends who we can’t invite to the wedding. I know etiquette states that is a huge NoNo but I’m torn. I want to be able to share the event with everyone I love, but I don’t want to offend anyone. I’m not looking to get gifts, I just want to include everyone.
So with an open mind, please write your advice.
Post # 3
No, I don’t think you can. Sorry
Post # 4
@BubblingBride2012: it’s a huge no no…for a reason. :/ i wanted to invite people to the shower we couldn’t invite to the wedding as well, but the fact is, you shouldn’t. its wrong and gift-grabby, and against etiquette not just for the sake of etiquette – its just rude. i know its a bummer, but its just how it is.
Post # 5
I am assuming that someone else is hosting the shower and you are talking about who would be on the guest list that you give to them. If you are hosting the shower, and sending out the invitations yourself, that’s a whole different discussion.
It is not considered acceptable to invite people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding. It’s like saying “You didn’t make the cutoff for the wedding guest list, but we would stilll like a gift from you, so please come to the shower.”
There are exceptions. Work colleagues, club members (e.g book clubs), church members, neighbours, friends of the bride’s Mom etc often host a shower knowing full well that they are not invited to the wedding.
Post # 6
According to my most recent issue of The Knot:
If you are hosting: you should only invite guests who will be invited to the wedding.
If someone non-related to you is hosting: then others can be included, with the loophole being that guests cannot assume this coworker/friend of yours had access to your wedding list.
*That being said* no matter who is hosting, if it were me I would keep it to wedding guests only.
Post # 7
Thank you 🙂 That is what I thought, but wedding rules change so many times and get rewritten so I thought maybe I was behind the times……
My mother is throwing the shower, and there are a few guests she is inviting that are not invited to the wedding, I guess they get thrown into that catagory julies1949 and badabing88 are talking about.
thank you for your help 🙂
Post # 8
@badabing88: I thought you weren’t supposed to throw your own party?
Post # 9
@BeeNatural: You’re aren’t supposed to throw your own bridal shower. A higher authority on etiquette, Miss Manners, states that not only are you not to host your own shower, but your family shouldn’t do it either. It’s up to your bridesmaids, if they are so inclined, to do that. Bridal showers are actually optional.
To your original question, it’s considered bad form to invite people to the shower, but not the wedding. I understand wanting to included people, but no.