Wedding Shower Dilema

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

No, I don’t think you can.  Sorry

Post # 4
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BubblingBride2012:  it’s a huge no no…for a reason. :/ i wanted to invite people to the shower we couldn’t invite to the wedding as well, but the fact is, you shouldn’t. its wrong and gift-grabby, and against etiquette not just for the sake of etiquette – its just rude. i know its a bummer, but its just how it is.

Post # 5
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am assuming that someone else is hosting the shower and you are talking about who would be on the guest list that you give to them. If you are hosting the shower, and sending out the invitations yourself, that’s a whole different discussion.

It is not considered acceptable to invite people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding. It’s like saying “You didn’t make the cutoff for the wedding guest list, but we would stilll like a gift from you, so please come to the shower.”

There are exceptions. Work colleagues, club members (e.g book clubs), church members, neighbours, friends of the bride’s Mom etc  often host a shower knowing full well that they are not invited to the wedding.

 

Post # 6
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

According to my most recent issue of The Knot:

If you are hosting: you should only invite guests who will be invited to the wedding.

If someone non-related to you is hosting: then others can be included, with the loophole being that guests cannot assume this coworker/friend of yours had access to your wedding list.

*That being said* no matter who is hosting, if it were me I would keep it to wedding guests only.

Post # 8
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@badabing88:  I thought you weren’t supposed to throw your own party?

Post # 9
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

@BeeNatural:  You’re aren’t supposed to throw your own bridal shower. A higher authority on etiquette, Miss Manners, states that not only are you not to host your own shower, but your family shouldn’t do it either. It’s up to your bridesmaids, if they are so inclined, to do that. Bridal showers are actually optional.

http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2012-07-16/lifestyle/35487670_1_baby-shower-bridesmaids-parties

To your original question, it’s considered bad form to invite people to the shower, but not the wedding. I understand wanting to included people, but no.

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