Post # 1
I’m in a major pickle with wedding showed(s).
First off, I live in Nebraska. I moved here from Wisconsin for my fiancee 4 years ago when we were dating. My whole family lives in Wisconsin still along with the majority of my good girlfriends. My fiancee also has no immediate family here besides his parents.
When we got engaged, a good family friends of mine said she would throw me a shower back in Wisconsin. She’s been planning it for the past 8 months and it’ll be in March (We’re getting married end of May.)
I asked my fiancee’s mom about who she wanted to invite to the shower. It took her over a week to respond back and she also mentioned that I had never told her about dates for a shower in town where we live.
I’m a bit frustrated and in a pickle here. I had never planned on having a shower here since my family and friends don’t live here. Also, his mom had never mentioned anything to me about a shower or dates so i was a bit taken back about it.
In all honesty, I’m quite busy every weekend with wedding and work related things from now and until the wedding and also am unsure how i would feel about having a shower in town where it would be his mom’s friends (Who I know none of).
What’s a bride to do in this situation?
Post # 3
If you don’t have a lot of friends or family in the area, it wouldn’t make much sense to have a shower there. I can’t think of what you could tell her to not sound rude at the moment though!
Post # 4
@futremrsb: I think it’s really nice of your FMIL to want to throw a shower for you and I’d accept because I’d feel bad declining the offer. My 1st shower was in my hometown far away from where we (and FI’s family) live. His mom came to it but no one else from his family was invited since little did I know at the time, they were planning a surprise shower for me in my hometown. This shower had a few of my close friends and his family and mom’s friends – I didn’t know everyone there, but I also didn’t know everyone at the shower in my hometown either. I thought it was really nice and I really appreciated her doing that for me.
Post # 5
@futremrsb: I would let her know that you were only planning on having one, and that a friend is hosting it.
If she wants to host a shower for you in your current town/city – let her do it 🙂 Otherwise, have the one, say thank you for the list, and move on.
Post # 6
I don’t even care to have a bridal shower. I work full time and go to school, I don’t really have friends where I live other than where I work at, which they are all in their 50’s and 60’s. I know my FMIL is wanting to throw a bridal shower. The only people I will know is my sisters and my mother. The rest will be her friends, family, and ladies from church. Over the holidays my FI aunt mentioned one, and said we need to have dildos. Umm, excuse me? Talk about uncomfortable (especially if ladies from church are to come!!) That’s more of a bachelorette party kind of thing.. right?!
I feel for you. I would talk to her about it, and tell her you weren’t planning on having one here. BUT if it’s really important to her, and it’s something she wants to do for you, I would make time for it, and feel uncomfortable for an afternoon! Pick and choose your battles. You’ll have to deal with her forever. Good luck!
Post # 7
It is not the bride who plans to have a shower. It is her friends, colleagues, future in-laws etc.
I am not clear from your post if she actually offered to host a shower for you, or if she just asked if you had dates set aside in case anyone wanted to host one.
I suggest that if you are planning to be part of his family for a long time, and she wants to host a shower, let her. You will meet the people who are important to her. More importantly, you will meet people who want to share in the celebration of your marriage to her son. She has probably been to a zilllion showers for other people’s children.
Post # 8
I agree with PP. The shower is not just about you getting presents it is about family and friends meeting for the first time. You should be flattered that she wants to throw you one(showers are not cheap) as it means she wants her friends and family to meet YOU. I few hours out of your day won’t hurt. Let her host it and don’t forget to say thank you. 😉
Post # 9
i would say let her throw one for you too, it can’t hurt to meet some of her friends.
Post # 10
@baletrina: Completely agree! If your FMIL’s friends are going to be invited to the wedding, I think you should let her host a shower for you. It sounds like a very generous offer. I know you’re busy, but I think you should let her do it.