Post # 1
So I am getting married on July 6 of next year…but I have absolutely no experience in any of the social niceties of wedding showers…my maids of honor (I have two because they’re both 3,000+ miles away…in opposite directions of each other) cannot come until two weeks before the weekendhand have been assisting in planning from afar, but cannot host/complety plan my bridal shower. Additionally, my mother is disabled (huntingtons disease) and her dementia makes it increasingly difficult for her to do any planning…my Future Mother-In-Law is planning my shower for my fiancées side of the family, but my hometown shower is becoming difficult to plan. First, there would only be 15-20 invited but the dates must be carefully arranged since some will be coming from Europe…i know that it’s consideredimpolite to plan your own shower…but it looks like I may have to do most of the legwork…i am not having this as a gift giving party so more of a luncheon..but do you other bees think some may still be offended? Even if on paper it stated my mom threw the shower since I’m trying to put it together with as much inpat and help she can give?
Post # 3
I think, given your mum’s condition, most people would be pretty understanding of your doing the legwork for your shower At least make sure you get your mother’s input wherever you can, but I’m sure your friends and family will understand that you helped organise it and think it’s great that you’re still honouring her as the host.
Post # 4
Theres nothing saying your shower host needs to be your bridesmaids or your mother (in fact it shouldnt be an immediate family member). Do you have an aunt or cousin or other friend nearby who would want to host? Even if just on paper and you still help out?
Post # 5
I think how you’re doing it is great! I think everyone would completely understand given the situation. my mom is hosting my shower with my bridesmaids. The only argument I’ve heard against mothers hosting is that it looks gift grabby- which i don’t really understand b/c she isn’t getting the gifts anyway and it’s looked as a gift giving occasion no matter who hosts it. In your case, however, that isn’t really an issue since you aren’t asking for gifts!
Post # 6
@LadyElva: i agree. my mom and sisters are planning my shower. i have three sisters as bridesmais andthey want to plan it so why not? i think the idea of family not planning is outdated and it doesnt even make sense. parents have birthday parties for their kids and people dont see that as gift grabby or a nono.
Post # 7
A Practical Wedding just ran a post about showers this weekend! In the comments there are tons of ideas for non-traditional (but not too offbeat) showers. Here is the post! http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/07/how-to-survive-bridal-shower-feminist-family/
Post # 8
A “shower” is a party where the attendees are supposed to give gifts to the guest of honor. The whole purpose of the bridal shower is to “shower the bride with gifts.” That’s why it’s considered impolite to host your own (or, technically, to have an immediate family member host) – it appears as though you are begging for gifts.
But you mention that you aren’t actually hoping for everyone to bring you gifts at your hometown pre-wedding-party. If that’s the case, than a bridal tea (or luncheon) might be a better name for what you’re considering. That indicates that the party will be a gathering of people to chat about pre-wedding things, recall fond memories, and meet each other, if they aren’t already all friends. Arranging this for yourself is not bad form.
If you plan to pick up the bill for the food and drinks then you can issue an invitation that pretty much says “I’m having this luncheon. You are invited as a guest.”
If, on the other hand, you aren’t going to be able to foot the bill, and you’d like your friends to pay for their own lunch, the note that you send to your friends should be informational: “Dear Close Friend, I’ll be celebrating my upcoming wedding over lunch at Olive Garden on June 29, 2013, at 11:30. I would be so happy if you were able to join me. With Love, Tabye” Of course, you’d put in your information.
The second option doesn’t indicate that you are hosting a party or offering to pay for everyone’s food. The first one is the style you’d use if the friends and family are going to be hosted (either at a restaurant where you pay the bill, or at a home/private venue where there won’t be a bill presented at the end of the meal/party).
Post # 9
I plan to have it at a local restaurant/hotel but in a private room (it also happens to be our wedding venue so they include it in our pricing, which is nice!). I’m thinking I might just change the title to Bridal Tea then, to lessen confusion for my guests. Thank you for being so helpful, everyone. It’s definitely hard planning all of these things without an extended family around or immediate family capable of assisting….and bridemaids so far away!!!