Post # 1
A friend fo mine is marrying a gent from the USA and she’ll be relocating their as soon as the docs are processed. They are getting married down ther next year (I’m in Canada). Her family is throwing her a shower this fall (A buffet dinner and open bar event), she’s not registering anywhere because it’ll be too hard to move too much down to the States.
We plan on attending this event as we’re not sure we’ll be able to make the Stateside wedding. How much is an approriate gift for this kind of wedding shower.
I tried to ask this on the KNOT boards but the etiquette bridezillas ate me alive.. and I’m done with the snarkyness on that board. I think it’s a simple question I just need to know what everyone else feels an appropriate amount of money is to give the bride!?
Post # 3
Welcome to the bee! I hope you find some helpful advice and support here.
Are you planning to buy two gifts, one for the shower and one for the wedding, or one shower gift? My typical process is that I will figure out how much I can spend total, based on my budget and how close I am to the couple, and then split the cost into two gifts if I am going to the shower. So let’s say I am spending $100 total: I will bring a gift of maybe $40 to the shower and send a $60 gift for the wedding.
I have no idea how my gift spending compares to my social circle because no one will say how much they usually spend, but I feel comfortable with what I spend and it works for my budget. If I am bringing my fiancé to a wedding, then I will give quite a bit more. If it is my best friend or cousin, then I will also give more. If I have high travel costs to get to the wedding, then I will spend a little less.
I hope this helps!
Post # 4
It also depends on how close you are to this friend. And the “we” you refer to: your husband/boyfriend/fiance? Parents? It depends on that person/those people and their relationship to the bride as well.
Post # 5
I would just give what you normally give for a shower gift. And then gift agin for their wedding regardless if you attend or not.
Post # 6
I spend $20-30 on shower gifts and $70-80 on wedding gifts so the total is 100 (just for my half of the gift. My FI adds in $100 for the wedding).
Post # 7
How much depends on where they are (a metro area like NY) and how close you are to the person.
Here in NJ, for a shower for a close relative/friend, about $100 would not be considered outrageous. For others, I would say $25-$50 would be okay.
As for the wedding, I know around here, “covering the plate” is the norm. I sort of disagree with that, because a gift is what people give you and there should be no rules. Minimum, and we’re talking NJ here, I would give $100 per person attending. For really close friends and family, probably in the $200+ range per person.
Honestly I’m happy with whatever people will give me (or don’t). I am just thrilled to have them here for my wedding. Many are travelling a long distance and have associated expenses with that, so to me, that says alot about what they feel about me!
My shower is on Saturday, and my registry is showing what some people have bought (I don’t like registries, but…) and I can tell you they are being extremely generous, more than I expected.
Post # 8
Also, I feel your pain about the snarkyness. I’ve have my head bitten off on may boards here, most of them uncalled for.
Post # 9
Welcome to the Hive!
I usually spend $100-150 on a shower gift, and then several hundred at the wedding. It just depends on what you’re comfortable spending, what you can afford, and how close you are to the couple.
Post # 10
THANK YOU!!!! That’s what I needed just a good range of what people give! I think around $100 might be reasonable 🙂 You ladies are terrific!
Post # 11
🙂 Glad your experience with this thread has been very smooth so far.
I would add another vote for the “give what you would at a shower, then also give a gift for the wedding regardless if you’re able to make it or not.” The tricky part for you is not knowing if you’ll make it or not!
Seeing as it is for two of you attending this event, which includes dinner and the open bar, I think the $100 range sounds pretty logical to me. I’m assuming you’re somewhere in the GTA area and that’s a reasonable value in my (limited) experience there.