Post # 1
I want to throw a wedding shower for my two good friends who are getting married in June. I am the maid of honor so I know it’s my responsbility to make sure it’s a success. They ARE registered, but I feel like they can be given gifts from their registry at the reception. I know they don’t have a nice honeymoon planned so I would love to make the wedding shower all about the honeymoon :). A fundraiser of sorts. How should I go about this?
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
Unpopular opinion alert: I think honeymoon fundraisers are incredibly, unforgivably tacky. Like, I would not attend the wedding of someone who asked me to a shower to raise cash for their honeymoon. I know it’s a big trend now and there are whole websites devoted to providing a platform to collect money, but yech. That said, I think a travel theme for a shower could be really cute – “around the world” with lots of suitcases and baggage labels and maps, or something more specific (beach, safari, whatever) if they’re thinking about a particular place. In addition to decor, have food inspired by the place: Indian curries, tropical fruit and drinks, whatever. Make it fun! That also opens it up to be co-ed instead of just ladies only, since it’s not really a bridal shower per se, it’s a couples’ shower.
Post # 3
add89: Ditto the PP. It’s not appropriate to request cash or cash-equivalent gifts at a shower. It’s also just awkward – it’s one thing to ooh and ahh as the bride opens up a nice cheeseboard set or crystal vases, but what are you supposed to do when she opens up a $50 gift card? It defeats the purpose of a shower.
Post # 4
I ditto the two PP. I find honeymoon “fundraisers” to be incrediby tacky. While guests can give gifts from their registry at the reception, the purpose of a bridal shower is to “shower” the bride with gifts to set up her and her soon-to-be husband’s new home.
Post # 5
It’s popular around here, to have a Honeyfund, etc. Oohs and ahhs are not necesary, for every gift opened. The giver is acknowledged, but not the ammount, just like with a check, gift card, or cash gift. The bride and groom receive what they need – and not a 4th toaster – and it’s really easy on the gift giver. The last shower invitation I received had the Bed Bath and Honeymoon information on it. No one was offended, or used the “t” word.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
When did it become appropriate to include cash registry information directly on the shower invite? :-/
Post # 7
Why not make the theme of the shower their honeymoon destination (if you want to do a theme) and just direct people to the registry for gifts? They picked out the items on their registry, so presumably they want them, and if the registry ends up shrinking a fair bit after the shower, then guests will give cash for wedding gifts.
Post # 8
add89: We have a honeymoon registry and a regular registry. Only guests from England have used the honeymoon registry. Our BBB registry was very popular for the shower (we did enclose registry info and it was APPRECIATED) not seen as tacky.
Post # 9
Please don’t do this. It is, to put it bluntly, a terrible idea and you risk alienating/offending a huge percentage of the guests. I’m sure your heart was in the right place, but showers are for physicals gifts. It’s not a fundraiser, it’s not a cash pot, etc.
Traditionally in many areas of the US, people give “boxed gifts” from the registry for the shower(s), and then mostly cash with some boxed gifts at the reception.
I’m all for bucking tradition, but I think in this instance you’re really going to piss off a large segment of the bride’s guests if you choose to go this route.
Post # 10
As a hostess, you should merely ask your friends what registry they’d like you to list. Ppl often judge couples based on the type of registries that they do and don’t have. Your friends already chose to have a traditional registry instead of a cash-type registry.
It’a also completely common and normal to have shower gifts and wedding gifts come from the same registry.
boxed gift presents are usually expected at showers because the couple often opens presents in front of guests. Cash showers are typically seen as inappropriate because it’d be very awkward to have the bride/couple opening cards or reading website entries in front of ppl and announcing how much money each guest gave.
personally, I’d never host a cash shower. If that’s what you want to do, call it a luncheon or something else and don’t indicate anything about cash or gifts at all, then ppl can give if they’d like to.
Post # 11
add89: You don’t. It’s grossly inappropriate. Unless your friends are living under a bridge they don’t need a fundraiser.
Showers are meant to help a new bride set up housekeeping – not a cash shakedown. Registry gifts are perfectly appropriate although not required. Either throw a proper shower and let the guests select the gift of their choosing or don’t have one.
Post # 12
Thanks for your help everyone! Just to make it clear, it was my idea, not the bride’s. I probably should have listed a few more details about them. The honeymoon will not be some extravagant trip out of the country or anything. She had mentioned getting a honeymoon suite for a few days in town, but she was worried that after the wedding they would be hurting financially. But that idea I had was just tossed out the window lol. I had no idea it was so offensive to suggest a small monetary donation at a wedding shower to help with the honeymoon. I just know my best friend very well and I know she would probably feel very awkward opening gifts in front of people for 3 hours. And her fiance would probably go hide somewhere to avoid it. But I guess straying from tradition is so abhorant that you should be stoned for even thinking about it! Again, thanks for your time and opinions.
Post # 13
add89: if your gf and her FI want a honeyfund type of registry, you can let her know that they can do that for the wedding. Many bees do (check other threads on it), but most PPs only politely pointed out that cash gift requests from the hostess are not common for a shower and ppl often assume that the shower gift requests are what the couple asked for. Personally, I’m fine with honeyfund registries for weddings (not showers), but we didn’t do one because some of our guests are very offended by them. I probably wouldn’t attend a shower where cash gifts were requested because I already usually give cash for the wedding, so I only go to showers to give home items or some type of boxed gift.
Your friends do not have to open all boxed gifts at the shower, but it isnt stoning you to respond to your question to let you know that showers are typically for boxed gifts in the US.
Post # 14
add89: My bridal party is doing that for me! So that it doesn’t look like a “give them money” party, the shower is completely travel themed. It’s all about “a grand adventure” kind of thing. Lots of people have themed showers with themed gifts, so it’s not a total oddity.
I’ve registered with Honeyfund.com so that there’s an actual registry for parts of our trip. They could whip up a quick (and free if they don’t want to upgrade) registry.
You could do something like that for them. It can totally be done tastefully.
One thing you might want to consider though is that since they already have a traditional registry, some people might get confused when it comes to buying wedding gifts. It might not happen, but it’s just a thought.
Post # 15
rachel85: I was invited to a shower that said “cash gifts appreciated”. I was kind of shocked but at the end of the day, I didn’t care. It was so easy for me to shove some money in an envelop and from my POV, I probably spent less than I would have (no tax on a cash gift!). This was a couple who had a crazy traditional wedding to boot.
I think cash showers are just becoming a thing. In a few years, nobody will think twice about them.