(Closed) wedding shower – inviting people who aren't invited to wedding

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ooooh i wouldnt do that. But thats just me so idk what the other bees are going to say.

But then again, we are kinda doing someting similar to that, but its not a shower. We are having a very intimate ceremony and then two larger receptions in both of our home towns a few weeks after we get married.

Post # 4
Member
12827 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I personally wouldn’t do this…  Maybe you could have a lunch with your coworkers, but stipulate no gifts? 

Post # 5
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Work showers are very common.  I think most coworkers assume they aren’t invited to the wedding.  Tell your friend to throw the shower at work, like in the lunchroom or breakroom.

I’ve been invited to several wedding and baby showers for work collegues where I wasn’t invited to the wedding.  It’s really no big deal.

Now, if your friend wants to have the shower at an outside location, say on a weekend where you’re not working, then I think it’s bad etiquette.

Post # 6
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think work showers are the exception to the general rule that you only invite people who are invited to the wedding. It’s presumably at the office during working hours, so it’s sort of a fun excuse to have cake and punch in the afternoon. At our work showers, people usually chip in $5 or $10 towards one larger registry gift, so it’s not as much of a financial commitment as like, going to a shower on the weekend with a $50 gift. 

Post # 7
Hostess
11174 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

….is rude. Don’t do it.

Post # 8
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This happened to me.  Because of my dad’s job (he’s a pastor) and our jobs (we work in campus ministry), there were a TON of people who were wanting to come.  But, we had enough room for 235 people, tops.  There was no way we could invite all of them. So, my BM’s hosted 2 different showers and told people that while we wanted to invite everyone, we were having a smaller wedding.  They asked people to come and celebrate with us and everyone loved the idea!  They wanted to help us get started and celebrate with us and I made sure to share all of our wedding photos with them and people were still excited about it.  It wasn’t the best option, and looking at PP’s comments, it maybe wasn’t the best etiquette, but I think people will understand.  They did for me and it was about 75 people total between the two showers and no one complained. 

Post # 9
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

Have you sent invites already? I think if they don’t know who’s invited and who isn’t and it’s outside of work, awkward. If they all know, and it’s only a minor thing in a lunchroom or something I don’t think it’s so bad, a little awkward maybe, but not dreadful.

Maybe ask the people you’re close to at work what they think? They’ll know the athmosphere in your workplace and have a better idea than anyone one the bee of how other collegues will react.

Post # 10
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Work and church showers are the exception to the “only people invited to the wedding are invited to the shower” rule.  I think as long as you don’t mislead people into thinking they are invited, you’re fine to have a work shower.

Post # 11
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Work showers are quite common, even if many of those attending and celebrating with you are not invited to the wedding. As long as it is “informal”, during working hours (lunch), I think it is fine! They will presumably all chip in and get you a present, which is totally understandable. Graciously accept and give everyone after the wedding a thank you card as well as a small gift (chocolates, tea?). Perhaps also bring a baked good or something along those lines into the office as well.

Congratulations!

 

Post # 12
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@alleycat1984:  hmmm, I think its a nice idea to include everyone but its rough when they’re not invited to the wedding… I would be happy to attend a bridal shower even though I wasn’t invited to the wedding – I’ve done this with bachelorette parties too! BUT I’m not easily offended and just love weddings and all the parties associated so that’s where I’d be excited to be included in at least one aspect of the wedding, even if I wasn’t going to the BIG show.

Do you like the office ladies enough to include them?

Do you think THEY THINK you’re good enough friends to merit an invite to the wedding?

 

My gut tells me that if someone else is planning/inviting the pressure is off you… 

Weddings are expensive and grown women should understand.

Post # 14
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

PS…I would ask her to do it during work hours (if possible) in the break room, or something really low key.

Post # 15
Member
46151 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is no one correct answer to questions like this. Generally speaking, invitees to the shower should be invited to the wedding. However , there are exceptions to every rule. Work colleagues, club members, church members etc all sometimes wish to celebrate and honor the bride. They likely know they will not all be invited to the wedding. If they are hosting the shower, it is no reflection of bad etiquette on the part of the bride.

 

Post # 16
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have been to a couple work showers (baby and wedding)…I agree with the PP where as long as it is at work and not on their free time, I think it’s okay and that the co-workers know they are not invited to the wedding, but they’d still like to do something nice for you.

The work showers I’ve attended were put together via email invitation and held in our conference room with cupcakes an employee volunteered to make. Only lasted about 15 min, then it was back to work. Everyone contributed whatever amount they wanted to a gift card from the store the person is registered at. All in all, each one I’ve been to at work has been nice…again as long as it was in the conference room and during work hours..if it was on a day off it’d be a completely different story..

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