Weddingbee boards

Hey bees, I don’t know if I am writing this for advice, or just to vent. Every step of the wedding planning process has been miserable for me. I’m an older bride at 30…and never thought I’d finally meet my happily ever after two years ago. A little back story for this post, FI and I had a small legal ceremony in November for immigration and paperwork reasons. We unexpectedly had to cancel our family/friends wedding that was supposed to be next month due to family health issues. His parents are overseas and dad is having surgery and cannot travel for several months. We hope we can reschedule this later this year. This was pretty upsetting for both FI and I. His mom would just die if her only son married and she wasn’t there. That’s pretty much the main reason our wedding was postponed and maybe even cancelled.

So here is my problem. FI and I are very humble, thrifty, and financially secure and I didn’t create a registry or want a wedding shower. My two best gal pals have pressured me for months to allow them to throw a shower. At this point in my life, I have all the things I need. Right now, I am busy trying to get rid of things since FI and I just combined households. Finally after months of being guilt tripped about not having a shower, I relented and agreed to a small lingerie shower/bachelorette party at their house. I thought that was the best way to let them do something nice for me. I tried to get them to cancel it when the wedding was cancelled. And they still insisted we celebrate. And there won’t be strippers or anything crazy, just cocktails, food and good company. Several weeks ago, all 25 invitations were sent. Tomorrow is the big day and only 5 of the girls will be coming. One of which is my sister who is the number one reason every step of my wedding planning has been miserable…which is a whole other post I’ll share later. My own mom will not be attending since she’s an alcoholic that would rather sit at home and drink. The other 20 are women I’ve been friends with for as many as 25 years. Over the last 12 years I have graciously attended countless bridal and baby showers, birthdays, engagement parties, ect. I’ve dreaded this shower/party for weeks. I’ve had a feeling all along, that these “friends” would be too wrapped up in babies and husbands to even attempt to attend. So tomorrow, I will wear my best waterproof mascara and pull up my big girl panties and pray that the 5 remaining girls actually show up.

I’m really hurt about all of it. I don’t want gifts, I just wanted my old friends to get together and celebrate my long awaited send off into the married world. I have such a bitter taste right now its all I can do to keep from crying at work today. Tomorrow I will be humiliated and it just sucks.    

your frustration is understandable.  just try to enjoy the day with the people who do care and forget about the ones who couldn't be there.

*hugs*

@DaneLady:  @Spider Mum I'm still new to this so I couldn't figure out how to reply to both

Thanks bees. Its hard. I just feel sort of like an unpopular dork all over again. I've worked so hard with my career and putting myself thru school but I still managed to spend time with friends and make time for celebrations. I feel like just because I am getting married a few years after everyone else, its not as important. I am so proud to have such a wonderful husband who loves me. That's really all that has ever mattered anyhow even if I didn't get to celebrate the way I always imagined.  

@SimplyChic11:  Thanks. I really appreciate all the nice comments. I've been a lurker for months and am really glad I finally joined. I think I just needed a few positive words today. Reading the weddingbee boards the last few months has really helped me deal with the drama.

@MsMonkey:  That's just it. Professionally I am a total killer. But in my personal life I spend way too much time trying to please everyone. I have got to learn how to say no sometimes.

@Brielle:  They all knew we were getting married before our "real" ceremony and that we aren't able to reset a date before November. FIs parents own a b&b and the only time a year they are able to travel is Nov, and Jan-Feb. Honestly, I don't think we will reschedule. We lost a lot of money on our cancellation fees and the fees for our travelling guests.  

@andilovesjosh:  I have a good friend that first married at 19 and is now working on marriage #3. I am an exception to the rule in the small town I'm originally from. And I am going to have a good time. Tomorrow woot woot

You are right. I keep seeing FI everywhere and I guess it just stuck. We had a very nice private ceremony and we very much feel married. I hope tomorrow goes nicely. Thank you ladies again.

@samanthajkellie:  Thankfully it went ok. We had a really nice evening with wine and pretty panties :). The girls I thought would not show up did not and did not RSVP either. My bosslady, sister, and three girlfriends came. Along with the two friends who hosted there were 8 of us. My mom didn't come. And my best friend no showed. And FB status updates had her at a college hockey game. Her explaination was that her husband told her "she needed to act like a mom." Evidentially, he thought we'd be girls gone wild. My feelings were hurt about it. I'm trying not to take it personal. Her husband has always been a bit of a controlling jerk. She told me she has to pick her battles.