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Like you, we didn't have "our song". I went through lists of songs, bios of what people danced too, etc. looking for something but couldn't find anything that really hit home. We're using "I'm Still a Guy" by Brad Paisley. It won't work for you as it is Country, not alternative. But the song totally, totally, totally is about my guy. All the way down to the last line which is "and there's still a gun in my truck". From the first time I heard it a few months ago it cracks me up and makes me think of him. His mom thinks we're crazy but what do I care. It will be our inside joke every time we hear the song.
Go for whatever song you want!! Just start listening to your old CD's and stuff. Listen to the stations on the radio/satellite that play music from that era. Even going through old Billboard lists and stuff will help you remember songs you loved back then. VH1's website has their lists of best songs of.... There is even an alternative list and a college radio list. Probably more of what you are looking for. Just make sure you keep a list of something you hear that you like. I'm a hair metal freak myself so any of the Big Ballads will get me. GnR's Patience is still beautiful. Aerosmith's I don't want to miss a thing.
i've heard of oasis' wonderwall used as a wedding song... ?
We don't really have a song either but I chose Clint Black and Lisa Hartman Black's song "When I Said I Do". I am having my sister sing it for our first dance which I think will give it a more personal feel to it. I know it's country and not what you're looking for but I just wanted to suggest maybe having whatever song you do choose be sung by someone for you. Here are some that I had thought of before I chose the other song:
This Love by Craig Armstrong featuring Liz Frazer, BEAUTIFUL SONG!
Kissing You by Des'ree from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack, it is really slow so I decided to put it in the ceremony during the seating of the guests.
Colorblind by Counting Crows
Don't Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith
I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie
my FH and I decided on 'Day Before You' by Rascal Flatts.
We're not really into country-but the words to that song fit us perfectly!
We used "The Day Before You" by Rascal Flatts as well! It is a fantastic song. We didn't have "our song" either so I just started downloading a bazillion different songs by a bazillion different artists, and I just happened to come across "The Day Before You" and it was beautiful! I teared up listening to it, and my husband (fiance at the time) was like "this is the one" So we used it! At our wedding, no one had heard the song before and everyone was asking what it was called and who it was by because they really enjoyed it! I am so happy to hear that someone else used it too!!
we are doing a classic but remake of Paul McCartneys "I'm amazed" but preformed by Jem
what about "reasons to love you" by meiko... thats what i want to use, very of the moment and the lyrics are so sweet... the first verse says it all! or "how lucky we are"
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Goo Goo Doll's "Iris" seems to be a popular alternative song for rock star weddings. Avril Lavigne used that for her first dance.
Also, Foo Fighter's have an awesome acoustic version of "Everlong" that's played on L.A's KROQ that would be a great first dance song.
There's always U2's "All I Want is You".
I think if an alternative song suits your personalities, then go for it. You don't have to stick to an old-school love song, but try not to scare the family members either. Courtney love might be a bit too rockin'. 
I love the song "We are man and Wife" from Michelle Featherstone that's what I will be using.
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hey! Me and my finance really want a song for our first dance that isnt an oldie. We dont really have a song we can call our own and we want one by a band that we really like. We were thinking NIRVANA or HOLE...something from the 90's...or just a nice alternative song in general. Anyone have idea for me?