Post # 1
So it has been 16 days (but who’s counting) since we became engaged ( after being together for 8 years). We told everyone we didn’t want to actively plan our wedding for a while because we are in the midst of planning and building a house. Yep that didn’t work! I am begging for some advice on how to deal with some of these issues that we are already having.
For starters, my Fiance’s mother decided the very next day to bring up the most stressful topic of all – our guest list. Due to family issues my Fiance does not want to have a large amount of his family at the wedding. I am being torn between the two of them. I do not like these particular family member either and I am in agreement with him, that is it our wedding and we should not have to have people there that we do not like BUT I also see her side as I am very family oriented and feel like it is wrong to invite my extended family but not his. HELP! Any advice at all? I am a born people please and I do not want anyone to have their feelings hurt but it is our wedding and I do not want his day to be wrecked by having people around that he doesn’t like. But is he just being childish and should he suck it up? There is going to be enough people there that it is not like we will have to visit with them non stop.
Our other issue is the date… Maybe I am just horrible at making decisions but I am not sure how in the world we are supposed to pick something. Below is the spreadsheet of our tenative thoughts. We need at least a year engagement, and with building a house I am not sure how much planning/organizing we can do until summer comes and our house is done. Our anniversary date is December 1 and it would be 10 years together so the meaning behind that means a lot to me. I am just 100% set on having outside photos so that really plays into season for me. How did you guys pick a date?
could do the anniversary of our engagment
way to long of engagement ( 2 yrs)
valentine’s day and my birthday
way to long of engagement ( 2+ yrs)
too busy at work
too busy at work
still green, might have some fall colors, not too busy
early sept should have nice fall colors
busy at work
most likely just dead stuff
most likely just dead stuff
our anniversay, date = 13
might have snow,might just be dead
Post # 3
Don’t just invite somebody you don’t want to share your special day with — if it is an intimate get together. If its a huge ordeal where you’re inviting everyone else and it’s bound to be a huge source of familial discord, try to swallow your distaste for the person in question to avoid needless waves. It all depends on how strong yours and the family’s convictions are, and how much discord it might cause.
But mostly — don’t let yourself stress too much now. You have enough on your plate and are early in your engagement. Don’t let needless stress wrongly prioritize your worries and ruin your bliss in being newly engaged. 🙂 -hug-
Post # 4
I pretty much agree with the PP on the invite issue. We have family members on my side that I really wish we didn’t have to invite, but unfortunately if you invite one uncle/cousin/sibling’s SO, you kind of have to invite them all.
As for the date thing– we’re having a December wedding and we’re both also set on outside photos. It’s hard without knowing your location, but we’re in the PNW– I’m planning to have our formals shot at a Christmas tree farm that’s special to us and my family. You could do something woodsy, or find a nice outdoor art instillation…or if it’s flowers you’re after, why not look into a local arboretum or greenhouse for your pics? We have a local arboretum that’s an absolutely beautiful building and has gorgeous hothouse flowers growing all year long. If it was me I would go with having the wedding on our anniversary date– ten years is a big one, and what a way to celebrate! Best of luck!
Post # 5
I had a similar problem where my future father-in law wanted some of his cousins invited to our small wedding (100ppl). I had never met his cousins in the 4 years I had been with my man and he never brought them up. We just told his dad that we want our day to be small and intimate with close family and friends. If you both don’t feel comfortable with these family members being there than I would just be honest about it. In the end the day is about you and your future husband and what is important to you to….not to your parents. (they already had their weddings)
Post # 6
Oh and one more thing. My Dad’s family doesn’t get along so we’re not inviting any of them ( family of 50 including my grandparents). Our wedding will be his entire family and just my parents, siblings and one set of grandparents plus friends.
Post # 7
Don’t invite anyone that you or FI really dont want. Period. Stick up for your man to FMIL because he is your man. It is not wrong to invite your extended family and not his. As for the date, I’d go with December if you want that 10 year to be your forever anniversary.
Dates sometimes just come. I’m getting married mothers day, one day after by BFF and BM graduates from Uni. Life will still happen. I see you had come under all the months, except December (Christmas and any other relgious holidays you/family/friends might celebrate. It seems like you want Dec.
Life goes on, and no matter when you get married, someone will sacrifice to be there.
Also, honeymooning in Dec is super cheap, and the beaches are way less crowded (if you’re into that). We went to Jamaica this Dec and it was not crowded, and the perfect temperature to swim all day and night
Post # 8
Just say no! lol, if you are building a house you do NOT want to start even entertaining the idea of wedding planning. My advise would be to finish the house, take a month long no-planning vacation and then start thinking about the date.
If you are not in a hurry do not rush the planning. As soon as you come up with a date, everyone will be harassing you for the venue and it snowballs like no bodies business. Use the time you have and take it slow. 1 thing at a time or you will need serious meds. Unless you have to and it is what it is, but enjoy the time you have given yourself and avoid all wedding talk! Especially the guest list….haha. Good luck!
Post # 9
Umm you need to listen to your FI before your MIL. Once the wedding comes everyone wants to be involved. If your FI wants it a certain way and you agree with him then you both need to talk to his mom and tell her this is the way it is.
As for the date you can run into problems no matter what time of year you have it. Maybe you have pretty colors in the spring/summer but it could rain or your wedding party could look sweaty and gross for pics. Maybe you have dead stuff in the Winter, but you could find somewhere gorgeous to take pics or have really flittery, snowy pictures. I’ve seen some beautiful winter pics.
Post # 10
Oh man, I hear you. With the guest list, remember it’s YOUR day as a couple and you need to do everything you can to make it the day that the two of you envision. I think the idea of a wedding around your 10 year anniversary in December sounds awesome. I’m dead set on outdoor photos too, but you can do those any time of year.
We’re sticking to < 50 people, which means siblings, parents, grandparents, nephews, nieces, and very very few friends only. If we open it up to aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., the list will top 250+. No thank you.
Here’s how we landed on a date: got engaged in December of 2012. It was too late to book the venues I wanted for a summer wedding, so we began looking at fall. I didn’t want it in September 2013 because that’s the same month as my 30th birthday and I didn’t want my birthday and anniversary in the same month for future years. We’ve always celebrated our anniversary in October so we began thinking about October 2013 dates. The weekend of October 5th/6th is the last weekend our venue is open, so October 6, 2013 is our date (and the same month as our 8th anniversary).