- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
I’m just writing this to vent – i need to get all of this off my chest….
I’ve been struggling withthe wedding planning process on and off for the entire time i have been working on the wedding…. My Mom is living with cancer metastatic breast cancer) and just after we got engaged her chemo pills stopped working and the next chemo they gave her made her really sick. We were both really sad that she was too sick to go to our engagement party but our cancer journey has been a long one so I wasn’t upset just sad.
I scheduled time off work so we could go dress shopping on a day that she was not sick from the chemo she was on (chemo was Thursday- so dress shopping on monday becasue she would be ill all weekend)
Started our marriage classes early with thoughts of moving up wedding and just telling her we changed the date..she found this out and called telling me not to move the date…resulted in a couple hours worth of crying for me. Our priest was amazing he lost his wife to ovarian cancer when his son was engaged so he was able to help with actual helpful suggestions which allowed me to calm down enough to make decisions and start booking the wedding. We agreed to have a private family ceremony if things went bad with my mom and orginal date would turn into vow renewal. Had postive response from family friends that i have let in on this info.
My mom’s chemo was changed shortly after dress shopping day and she’s been well and able to live pretty normally…she insisted on making all food for a party we had in the summer…..and enjoyed celebrating with our wedding party and friends.
So things looked like they had calmed down…then came the bridesmaid dresses…. one Bm could not make the shopping day because she had family visiting – i told her no problem and got her the info so she could go order her dress on a day better for her. So rest of girls ordered dresses in July…..in October this BM had not ordered her dress yet (not a money issue she has no financial issues) Since she is my fiance’s best mans wife i told him to start asking her when she was going to order dress. i told him that if she didn’t like the dress she wasnt’ getting to wear something else the girls all made the effort to come chose a style (4 different body types) and it was difficult to find one that would look good on all.
Finally she goes and orders the dress… i see her that week and out of the blue she says i ordered it….i had to ask what because I had no idea what she was talking about – she says the dress… so i tell her oh great a friend of mine in the bridal party has offered to alter all the girls dresses for them (he’s a fashion design major and has made tons of bridalwear from sketch to final product – so alterations are no biggie) She tells me she’s getting her alterations done at the store because they are guaranteed. So i go home from their place thinking she has a problem with my friend and can’t figure out why…
The week after i see her i find out my uncle has metastatic prostate cancer… and we are still as of today waiting for a prognosis as they came back and said it may be mutiple myeloma…..
A week later after i had spoent the day with MOH shopping for the girls accessories I get home and my fiance tells me he talked to his best man and got told that BM was crying after trying on dress he’d never seen her cry this hard so what they are going to do is she is going to wear the dress for the ceremony and then change for the reception……telling me not asking me and ya she was going to alter the ceremony dress so it fit her better (only way to alter the dress is to straighten the skirt – which um no not wiothour discussing with me) i get upset because A) this is not her weddding and B i’m getting told all this not asked 3rd hand. To make a long story short i finally lost it…i’m dealing with 2 relatives who may not make it to the wedding and I’m getting stupid drama when i have not been demanding of the girls at all – dress is $139 very reasonable, I’m letting them wear black shoes due to 2 girst with foot problems and i checked for any allergiues prior to getting any accessories, all of which i am buying for them……. i have been a bridesmaid many times have paid for whatever dress $300 for some hideous ones, had dye to match shoes dye my feet green for 3 weeks after one wedding and had one bride tell me who i could and couldnt bring for a date and i sucked it up and dealt with cause it wasn’t my wedding. My fiance goes back and tells them this dress change is not okay (did i mention best man tried to change his outfit at the guys kilt fitting to a tartan that looks like a christmas tablecloth – btw he is not Scottish)
so this weekend I’m in bed sick and Berst Man calls – and i’m like now what – so now BM has backed out as she has to go out of town for work….even though she has known about wedding for over a year….I really don’t care though because this should stop some of the drama…. My fiance tells him no problem we understand ( (because againshe can’t call herself) – then Best man makes a joke (i think) that my fiance missed their wedding and he’s never forgiven him…… so now i can’t tell if he was joking or if all of this is a passive aggressive way to try to manipulate our wedding because my fiance missed their wedding which was out of province and he had just(like first week) started a new job and could’t afford the expensive airfare to a remote location…….
Sorry about the long rant i just needed to get all that out – it’s been so stressful trying to plan our wedding without the added drama…