Post # 1
It’s almost 2:30AM and I can’t sleep. I started thinking about the wedding (not til Nov. 2014) and there’s already so many things that are really starting to stress me out. To make some long stories short, I seem to be losing a best friend/bridesmaid, I’m worried because we will have 2 alcoholics at the reception with open bar, I have a cousin who I don’t talk to anymore because he’s a complete a-hole and I don’t want him showing up uninvited (he possibly would)…also I was talking to Fiance today and he asked if I wanted to have a bachelorette party, and his sister is one of my BM’s, and he said he can see her not going because it’d be too awkward for her being around my other maids she doesn’t know. That would hurt my feelings so much. Also, my future BIL is an extremely judgemental person and I feel like he is going to make a scene. He doesn’t like basically anyone and is not afraid to speak his mind – he is even worse when alcohol is involved. I don’t want him ruining the wedding by saying how much he hates all of my family. I also don’t know if FI’s parents plan to help out in any way with paying – I’d never assume they are, but I kind of think they assume they’re only paying for the honeymoon and rehearsal dinner…otherwise there has been no communication on that, either to me or Fiance. In the beginning, my dad was throwing a fit because he wanted to invite a million of his friends as if it were his own party – I’m inviting about 5 of his close friends because they’re family-friends. I don’t want to invite a ton of people I don’t know and blow up the wedding budget.
this is just the beginning. I almost feel like it would have been better to do a destination wedding or something, but we already booked the venue and paid the downpayment. I also think I would look back and feel very sad that I never got to have a ‘real’ wedding.
I think I just need some uplifting bees to help me out, especially if you’ve gotten stressed this early in the game!
Post # 3
I just wanted to offer you some support and hope you maanged to get some sleep. Getting yourself all panicked this early in the process will make you miserable and a nervous wreck by the time the wedding comes around. I know it’s hard as i’ve had to deal with most of the issues you talk about in one way or another, her’s how i smoothed things over….
1) Drifted apart with Maid/Matron of Honor early in planning. I got myslef all bitter and twisted about this one. It would have been hurtful at the best of times but during wedding planning when you’re emotional and need your freinds the most, it sucked! I stewed for about two months, couldn’t sleep and eventually just spoke to her about how i was feeling. It turns out she had some stuff going on in her life that she didnt particularly want to share, but had distanced herself from a lot of friends, not just me. I’ve tried to be supportive but not intrusive and gradually, things are improving. I felt better for voicing my concerns.
2) Can you nominate someone to watch the alcoholics? My Mum is a very heavy drinker and is a really bad drunk. is violent, abusive, and nasty to be around after one too many. She has caused a scene at every family gathering we’ve been to. I don’t think my wedding will be any exception. I just have to remind msyelf that the day is not about her and ignore any bad behaviour as much as i can. My brother is going to keep an eye on her as best he can and they have a room booked at the hotel we’re marrying in, so i’m hoping she can be carted off to bed when she’s had too much!!
Your future sister in law. Can you find some time between now and the wedding to have a couple of ‘get togethers’ so she gets to know the other BM’s? Just coffee, or a film or something. My BM’s are from all over the place and from different parts in my life. I’ve spent the last year having the odd BBQ, DVD night etc just to get them familiar. It works!!
i giuess the only thing i can say is that you can’t control others’ behaviour. It’s especially difficult with family. We’ve had to ask my sister in law to be, not to steal the centrepieces as they are hired!! I’m determined to not let other people spoil our wedding day, and enjoy myself with those that are not socially retarded!! Your guests will know there are certain ‘obligatory’ invites at every wedding. If your brother in law behaves like an ass, try and stay calm, have him removed, and carry on with your party girl! xx