Post # 1
Ugh! So I’ve actually posted about this before and the general consensus was that its not a big deal, well now theres other things going on… We changed the time of our wedding from 1:00 to 4:00 to save on money for the photog and lessen the gap between the ceremony and reception, something I was hugely excited about. Problem is that FH never informed his parents that the wedding time changed, thats when I consulted WB and everyone said it wasn’t a big deal. Well FIL’s came into town last night and we went out to dinner. I was going on and on about the wedding because they really knew nothing since I’ve been doing all the planning. Right as they get ready to leave I made a joke about how I just need to call FMIL directly b/c obviously FH isn’t sharing the details, I went on to add, “Oh you do know the wedding is June 4th right?” and everyone laughed. Then FMIL said laughing, “June 4th 1:00! We’ll be there!” I literally didn’t know what to do, I looked at FH who just stood there, and I didn’t get the courage to say anything, therefore I didn’t inform FMIL of the change. (She kind of scares me). The reason its a “big deal” is that their nephew and FH’s cousin is graduating high school that same night and that family of 5 was going to drive 3 hours to our 1:00 wedding ceremony with the grandmother and then drive 3 hours back for the grad ceremony at 7:00. Obviously if the weddings at 4 the 6 of them can’t come. Add to that the mother of the cousin graduating, FH’s aunt wants to throw me a bridal shower, I feel like she should be told that she won’t be able to come to the wedding! Also just so everyone knows. we didn’t finf out about the graduation ceremony until after the time and date had been confirmed, EVEN though they had 2 weeks to tell us if that date worked.
This morning FH went to breakfast with his parents and I asked him to tell them about the change and he didn’t. I really feel like this is his responsibility. I don’t want them to find out like a month before the wedding! He won’t tell them because he knows they’ll be upset and mad. I just don’t know what to do.
Post # 3
Your FH needs to handle this. I know you said it saves you money but is there a way to move the wedding back to 1:00? It seems like it would be important for his grandmother, aunt, uncle, and cousins to be there.
Post # 4
@MrsPinkPeony: I think it may be in your best interest to move it back to 1…thats a lot of the fam that wont be able to make it! Is there a way you can cut somewhere else so that you can still have your phototog and an early wedding?
Post # 5
Unfortunately I can’t move it back to 1:00 as another bride has already taken that time slot. I had no idea the cousin’s graduation was the same day. I had asked FH to make sure that date was ok with everyone and waited 2 weeks to put down the deposit. Then after 4k worth of deposits were paid we find out and FMIL asked us to change the date, that wasn’t going to happen and everyone got all upset and angry that they woulnd’t be able to go, it was mentioned that they would try to come but that its a 3 hour drive both way and the elderly grandmother couldn’t handle it. FMIL also made the comment that it was SUCH a long gap between ceremony and reception so when the option to switch to 4 came around I thought it would help things, not make it worse.
Post # 6
It’s always craptacular when you think that you’re doing something to help and it just makes things worse. 🙁
Here’s what I would do: you FI has either got to step up or you have to make an uncomfortable phone call. You have to tell them what you’ve done and why.
I don’t understand why your FI won’t deal with this because (and this sucks, but I’ve noticed that it’s true) if you’re the one to tell them , you’re the one who will most likely get blamed. My rule is “My family-my crappy conversations. Your family- your crappy conversations.” It kind of seems like your FI is hanging you out to dry on this. I completely understand the uncommunicative with family FI (I have one myself) and it’s led to some interesting situations. However, this isn’t like he didn’t tell them what flowers you were using or what colour your bridesmaid dresses are…he didn’t tell them when the ceremony is. He has to take care of this and I think that he needs to do this sooner rather then later.
If he doesn’t call them (I’d give him a time limit…sounds crappy but the longer this goes on the more uncomfortable its going to be) and then you call. Say something like “we had an opportunity to change the time of our wedding to 4pm, and we did it…we thought this would help everyone out because there won’t be a huge gap, etc. At the time, we didn’t know about the graduation. I feel awful about this, but we can’t switch the time back because it’s already been booked. Do you have any suggestions about how we can fix this so that people can make both events?” Maybe try to turn it into a brain-storming session about how to fix the problem.
I’m sure that you can figure something out! Good luck!
Post # 7
The only think that I can think of in this situation is to change the day. Maybe the day before or the day after the graduation. That is what I would do. Schools won’t change the date of graduation and the parents probably didn’t know the date until just before they let you know.
Post # 8
@Arwenbride – Thanks for the advice, I actually did give him a timeline, 2 weeks or less, I REALLY hope he does it, thats a convo I don’t want to have.
@noritake22 – we can’t change the date, we’ve already paid 4k in deposits and I literally have 99% of everything planned. They had 2 weeks to tell me about the graduation and they didn’t, if at anytime before the deposits would have been paid they told me I would have happily changed the date.
Post # 9
Does he realize the longer he waits the worse it will be? Really I don’t see a fix to this so it best to just tell them to see how they’ll handle it.