Post # 1
Hi guys, I’m new here and I am going completely nuts.
I got engaged a month ago. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy about that, but within the last few weeks I have found out that both my father and a friend of mine are suffering from cancer. My father and I haven’t always been on the best of terms, mostly because well, he doesn’t seem to realize that his words really do have an impact on me, and my whole life he’s just been a very negative person and I’ve always been one of his favourite people to constantly criticize. Yet, despite my issues with him, I am really trying to be there for him while he is struggling with the fact that the cancer will most likely kill him.
On top of that, last year I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and I have been on anti depressants since then. I’ve been much better the last few months, but lately, the stress of both of them being sick PLUS planning the wedding has been too much to handle. Both of them have said that they don’t want me post-poning my plans on account of them being sick, as they will probably not be alive by the time of my wedding anyways. Now I am starting to get worse again, and the fact that my dad still feels the need to lay down the verbal abuse doesn’t help at all. The verbal abuse alone makes me feel like shit, and the fact that it makes me not want to visit him as much when he’s already dying makes me feel even worse.
So yeah, I’m really just venting here and not really looking for advice, but if any of you have any advice or words of encouragement, feel free to share.
Post # 3
I am sorry. Just do what you can do, without stressing yourself out. Maybe have shorter visits with your father. Try to make peace with yourself about his negativity if you can. With the time you have for your wedding, just take it at an easy pace, and make sure to enjoy this time with your FI, get what you need to done, like the ceremony and reception venue held, and caterer, photographer, if you need to soon, and then enjoy your time, and taking the time to leisurely do the other things. I wish you well-my prayers for your father and friend, and you.
Post # 4
Hi hun, I am truly sorry to learn of the unfortunate news…you, your family, and friends are in my thoughts and prayers. I’m sure that you’re dealing with a lot…be encouraged, physicially and emotionally…*hugs*
Please make the most of your time with them, as well as your wedding planning…don’t take this on by yourself, smooches and blessings!
Post # 5
I’m so sorry!! That’s a lot to deal with, so as the other posters have said, be kind and gentle to yourself. And please limit your time with your Dad if he’s being mean. I know it’s hard, but maybe if he starts in on you, just say “ok, Dad, time for me to go” If you make your visits short and frequent, hopefully you won’t have to hear too much bad stuff, but at the same time, you’ll get to spend time with your dad.
These articles might help you: http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/05/wedding-graduate-morgan-on-weddings-in-the-face-of-death/
Post # 6
I am so sorry that you’ve been dealt such sad news at a time that is supposed to be the happiest in your life. I can’t even imagine….
I, too am a suffer of anxiety and drepression and understand how the impact of planning a wedding can take its toll physically and mentally. I know you are not looking for advice, but I’d like to ask if you have the ability to find a therapist to meet with to help you through this? You may be able to learn some effective coping mechanisims for dealing with the negativity.
Congratulations on you engagement and keep strong!! Best wishes!!
Post # 7
Thanks guys. I think for now I’ll just try to limit my time with my Dad, maybe just visit once every couple of weeks instead of every week, and call a little less often (I live three hours away from him, and I have to travel by bus since I don’t drive,which is why I can only make it down once a week at the most). That way I’m not cutting him out, but I’m not driving myself crazy with everything either.
bellakitty: To answer your question, I’m not seeing a counsellor now. I have tried in the past and have had bad experiences which have discouraged me. The meds I am on are really helping and I’ve got a great support system, and especially considering that I was doing much better before all of this drama, I don’t think it’s necessary for me to go down that route again.
Post # 8
@Air Guitar Goddess: I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with all these things and wish there were some kind of magic word which would take this pain away. I will say that I love your name though. Again, that doesn’t help, but cyber hugs.