wedding venue canceled, canceled wedding, relationship next? LONG

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You and your FI need to retool and get back on the same page. Perhaps you guys should take a weekend away (to a lodge or something and relax and get on the same page). In laws should not have the ability to dictate your wedding day/life like this. You two need to talk it out. Have you done pre-marital counseling yet? If not, this sounds like a great time to start. Even if it’s only one session with a professional

Post # 4
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@HopingtobeeMrsV:  Take a month or two to cool off.  It’s probably even a good idea to drop wedding talk until after your previously planned wedding date.

I also agree with PP that it’s a good idea to plan a little getaway for you and your FI so you can focus on yourselves and your relationship with each other.  I would readdress wedding planning during that trip; try to wait a day or two into the trip to bring it up and only bring it up casually as in “Well, babe.  I still love you and want to marry you so what should we do about the wedding?”

Post # 5
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Don’t let this ruin your relationship!! You and your FI should take some time to re-connect and remember why you wanted to get married in the first place. You’ll figure it out, don’t let the parents get in the way and impact your happiness. 

Post # 6
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@HopingtobeeMrsV:  I would definitely take a bit of time off with just your FI to relax, get back into the swing of being engaged without wedding planning, and then maybe start talking weddings again.

I’d put the wedding off until after your previous date, too, and look for something that includes what you both want – he wants a big, beautiful nature-filled wedding and you want a small beach one. How about going for a smaller ceremony at a national park (on a pier over a lake/the ocean if you can) and then having a bigger reception at a nearby lodge? I can think of several beautiful parks that would be perfect – Yosemite, Yellowstone, Everglades, and basically anything in Florida would have a nice pier and a lodge nearby, I think. Then there’s the entire Northwestern and Northeastern US coasts, which will have lovely forested areas and nice lodge-type places farther north.

Post # 7
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@HopingtobeeMrsV:  I know my parents somewhat well, certinally to know places they like and dislike… did you FI miss his dad’s hate of Mexico.

Can you find a venue similar to the one your FI had picked that looks a bit like mexico?

As far as your parents, I agree with your FI, it’s none of their business.  You can say that there were people who were not comfortable traveling to Mexico.  End of story.

Post # 8
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I could be totally wrong.  But it sounds like there may be some resentment there if your FH or members of his family believe that you are just pushing to get what you want along with your family.  Even though it’s ludicrous they could even suspect that you had something to do with the other venue falling through.

For example, when the first venue fell through, did you ask your FH what he wanted to do?  Did you mention destination wedding without pushing for Mexico? Did you ask him what other places he would be open to or whether he thought it was best to push the date to one that suited a venue you could both agree on?  He and his family may have not gotten over the disappointment of the first venue.  So if you and your dad seemed to be just as happy to change places, that could have caused some side-eyeing.

I think you should take a step back, don’t mention Mexico and reassure your FH that the most important thing is that you two get married so if he has another venue or date preference you are totally open to compromising.  Then let him give the next suggestion but don’t push.  Just go with the flow and see what he says.

Post # 9
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

why don’t you go ahead with your elopement plan but in somewhere other than Mexico? There are plenty of beautiful tropical places! 

Post # 11
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Dominican Republic, girl! Go for it! Inlaws still not happy? Go anyway! 

Post # 12
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’d take a little break from talking about weddings.  Come up with a compromise.  Maybe a small wedding in another tropical location.  Friends got married in St. Thomas in the USVI and it was beautiful.  There were only 10 of us there so it was quite intimate.

Post # 13
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsWBS:  +1


I would take some time and talk to your FI about eloping in a different location. Maybe you can find a pier on a pake or something that will incorporate both of your dream weddings!


Post # 14
6666 posts
Bee Keeper

Your FFIL’s reaction may be as much about the whole idea of a destination wedding as it is about Mexico.  He may feel, as I generally do,  that it sends the message that the place is more important than the people who were supposed to be there.  In your place,  I’d be looking to reschedule a wedding that was inclusive of the people who were invited, or were told they were going to be invited.  Then take a trip to Mexico, if that’s where you want to go and call it a honeymoon. 

Of course your FI’s father had no right to be mad about the fact that you cancelled the venue.  You  had no choice.  I agree with the pp who said that his family may have thought this was made up by you in order to manipulate the situation and get your DW.  That was wrong of him. 

Post # 15
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Is your FFIL paying for the wedding? If not, then his opinion is irrelevant. He does not need to be there in order for the wedding to take place. You tried it your FI’s way, and it did not work out, so now you should try it your way. If people can’t go, then oh well… You have to do what makes you happy. Your FI needs to discuss this with you like an adult. He had no problem with it until his dad started to complain. Is daddy going going to always be involved in all the decisions you make as a couple?! Try to discuss thia with your FI, if not then perhaps there should not be a wedding. You have to work through any major relationship issues before walking down the aisle.

Post # 16
700 posts
Busy bee

@HopingtobeeMrsV:  Ok, get all thoughts of a wedding off your mind, your relationship is whats important. supporting each other is key, no matter what.

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