- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
I appologize for how long this is, but I’m about to lose my mind with this!
I will give you a super brief history, my fiance and I have been together almost 3 years. We were engaged after one year (he proposed on our anniversary) and we chose to do a long engagement because we both needed to update our vehicle, I’m still finishing school, and we both agreed it was important to save up for a house before a wedding. Fast forward and we both got new cars, his father has a house flipping buisness and offered for us to live in a newly renovated one (so long as we helped) without paying on the mortgate until I graduate and we’re on our feet, and so we decided to move the date up a year just shy of my graduation.
My FI has a best friend that he was super close with. They’d both been single together and hung out alot and then fiance met me and it was the three of us alot. His friend insisted women ruin your life and he didn’t want a relationship, although he frequently told me he liked how I treated my fiance and that I was an awesome girlfriend to him. He started fighting with my fiance about really dumb stuff (they’re also paramedics and partners at work) and then he’d appologize saying he’s lonely and thinking about starting dating, he was actually looking to hook up with my friend and another friend’s cousin, depending who would. His ex from 6 years prior that he dated in highschool on and off for a year and half graduated from college and moved home and contacted him. Within a week he was sleeping with her, a week after that they were “back together” and to be honest I was thrilled for him and figured “great! double dates finally!”
However we saw less and less of him, he frequently ditched us and he never hung out with us and our mutual friends. He was however ALWAYS doing things with her family every weekend and her friends and if he protested (say he already had plans) she would pitch a huge fit. After two months he was complaining he couldn’t stand her and wanted to break up with her. This continued for another 8 months…
After we got engaged though, she was telling me (they’d been back together 2 1/2 months) she wanted his friend to propose and she insisted that her parents got engaged and married all within five months of meeting. So from that point on she kept pushing for an engagement ring. None of us new what would happen since he talked so bad about her and how she drove him crazy, but then one day after talking about breaking up with her he was talking about proposing. Apparently she had a hand in it because 1) he wanted to propose by the end of the year, she said no it had to be spring, 2) she took him ring shopping and told him what to buy and got sized, 3) she told him how to propose because she didn’t like his initial idea. So he got the ring and proposed all within a month. She told everyone how she was “so suprised” however by the next morning she had the guest list done and was calling vendors.
Since then all hell has broke lose.
Since they have gotten engaged:
-First she wanted her wedding a week and half before ours, but eventually she changed it due to the honeymoon. However they pushed their date before ours, I didn’t really care but alot of people thought it was crappy.
-We had not picked our reception venue yet and the day after they got engaged she told me they were settled on one place (her fiance had no clue). We were going to look at one and when my fiance mentioned it to them she said she wanted it.When he told me I was confused since she said they picked the other, keep in mind they’d been engaged about 3 days and we’d been engaged almost a year now. My mom and bridesmaids said we should still go look since it’s not like they made any final plans yet so I told my fiance and he agreed, but also mentioned it to his friend at a work meeting. Mind you this was maybe 1 in the afternoon, they got out by 5 PM, he got a text when he got home from his friend saying after she found out she and her mother went up and booked the place and she wanted him to go put the down payment on it tommorrow (she pays for NOTHING ever that’s another thing). We were stunned, however we decided to say nothing and just let them have it.
-For our engagement pictures I wore a white dress and ours were done around the time they got engaged, she had told me prior I should not wear white because it’s awful in pictures and would wash me out. Fiance’s friend said they were a waste of money and he’d never get them. Three weeks later they had them taken and she wore a white dress almost identical to mine. I found out from our mutual bridesmaid (next point) that she was mad I wore it for ours before theirs, even though they weren’t engaged and I had the dress for months prior!
-She asked one of my bridesmaids to be her bridesmaid and she was absolutely furious when she found out from her that I’d already picked ours out.
– When she found out we were planning on going to Paris for our honeymoon, she started saying they were going to Italy.
-Everytime we do something, his friend makes nasty comments. When they saw pictures of our venue and how nice it was he said we were going to blow a ton of money (we’re not it’s in our budget). He said we blew money on engagement pictures, he said we didn’t need a videographer, and when he found out we booked our DJ he said in front of our mutual friends “hun! we need to book our dj and get back on this, they’re one upping us!” He then will make fun of us for being engaged “forever” (which is a year and a half), even though he wanted to wait two years like us to get married and she pushed it for less than a year. Basically both FI and I agreed to say nothing about our wedding or plans in front of them in order to avoid the nasty comments and competition they keep trying to make.
– However, last time at a party she was asking who we used as a DJ and how much and I told her (which fiance’s friend freaked out about the price and said they’re not having one and we’re dumb for spending the money) and I asked her out of curiosity when they’re doing their save the dates cause we had no idea when to send ours out (figuring this would be safe conversation since ours would obviously be after). She told me very quickly they’d sent them out three days prior and I was like “oh wow good for you guys”. We never received one. After two weeks I heard from the mutual bridesmaid that she called asking for help on what she should do because they hadn’t even started. So she lied about them.
-The BIGGEST and FINAL straw was the past few days, as I mentioned my fiance and his friend work together in emergency services. Due to their schedules, they book vacation a year in advance and it’s based on seniority. They both got hired at the same time, so they do it purely by social sequrity numbers and his friend’s is slightly higher then his. We knew we couldn’t get time off for the wedding and honeymoon all at once, so after looking up packages we planned for the first or second week of September since it’s the cheapest to travel and it’s also not in demand for vacation time. We went down with his friend actually to give him a ride when my fiance put his bids in, due to their jobs, no more than three people can take vacation on any given day. He asked us what we were doing and said we couldn’t make plans because they hadn’t and they had no idea when they’d take it so we shouldn’t either. We told him we were going to Europe and planned on first into second week of September, he then said we were blowing money and being stupid. He also was freaking out because there was limited time in summer (when she wanted) for honeymoon time and he kept saying she was going to be mad. So we put it in and he told the person in charge if he had any pull in it, it was for our honeymoon. After we left his friend realised he put in for the same week “at the last minute”, they talked it over and said if it happened they’d switch.
The next day he finds out he did get it, so when he wants to switch he’s giving him attitude because he doesn’t want to upset his fiance more, so mine tells me to text her to explain the mix up and to be understanding about it (her fiance did get 5 days off after the wedding). She basically went off on me and said they were going on a cruise and that was too short and no way are they switching because they “deserve” it more because they will have to wait 3 months for it. I tried countering that there was plenty of time at the end of Septemeber or October and since cruises were warm it wouldn’t matter, I told her we would move overs back if we could but it only ran to the third week of Septemeber. She absolutely refused and then called him saying I was giving her and attitude, so he calls my fiance and tells him except his story is completely different and he’s willing to switch out because they have no plans at all but he’s afraid of her. I then forwarded them both all our texts to show I wasn’t lying, she was, and that I was only trying to ask and be helpful for them too. My fiance’s best friend refused to read them though.
Basically the mutual bridesmaid is dating my fiance’s friend’s brother (she despises his fiance) and she was really upset when I told her, so she told his brother and the two of them told him “look youre fighting for something that isn’t yours what your doing to them is wrong, you need to stand up to her and do the right thing”. And he did, which I will give him props for, from what I heard they were screaming at each other over the phone and her mother even got on and was screaming at him, but he stood up for us and wouldn’t back down. Today they did go down and sort the vacation time out, he wound up getting a full week closer to their wedding so she was semi-happy, and we’re able to take our honeymoon now.
If you’re still with me, congrats, but seriously, I am losing my mind! I absolutely just can’t stand her after this whole thing! I just can’t take it anymore! How do I deal with this? I mean he’s our best man and my fiance’s best friend it’s not like I can avoid them!