Post # 1
Another 21st-century etiquette question… we are having a relatively quickly-planned small wedding for this June. We didn’t even send out invitations! Everyone we would like to be there knows that they are invited, and I have put together a wedding website with all of the location info, logistics, etc. The website also has information about us and how we met, and registry information.
My fiance wants to post the site to Facebook as a way of announcing that we have planned our wedding. We’ve been engaged since last July so have certainly been dealing with lots of people asking about the wedding date over the past few months. I definitely want to let our wider circle know that we’ve set a date, but I’m worried that posting the site might upset those that we haven’t been able to invite. This is a small wedding–less than 30 people–and it’s all family and close childhood friends (and their plus ones). There has already been one friend who was right on the cusp of being invited who has had their feelings hurt and I’m feeling really bad about it.
If you had a wedding website, did you post it Facebook? Do you think it’s rude or too exclusive? Should I post something else, like a general announcement, but without a link to the site?
This seems like a silly question but I’m really trying to not hurt any feelings. Thank you for your help!
Post # 2
LePetitJambon: I wouldn’t. I think it only invites a lot of “why wasn’t I invited” type questions that are really uncomfortable to deal with. Personally, I’m not putting ANY information about our wedding on Facebook. The people who I want to know about it are invited, and everyone else will figure it out after the fact. I don’t really see the need to inform people who aren’t invited of the details of our wedding. But that’s just me.
Post # 3
No, it’s rude, unless you invited every single person on your friend list and your FI’s friend list to the event.
You say you only invited 30 people who are close friends or family — I imagine you have their phone numbers or email addresses to let them know of your date!
Post # 4
JiminyCricket: Oh, definitely! Everyone who has been invited got a phone call and/or email a couple of weeks ago. The website is just there to provide information about travel, lodging, attire, etc. I was going to email it out to them in the next couple of days. My fiance wanted to put it on Facebook but my instinct was that it might cause some hurt feelings to do so… so thank you for confirming how I was feeling 🙂
Post # 5
Are you doing save the dates? Put the address to your website on them. This is what we did.
I’d never dream of posting our wedding website on facebook.. I have people I’m not super closer to, and friends of friends on there. Also a few internet friends I’ve met along the way – so LOTS of people who aren’t invited to the wedding.
Post # 6
annb9: Yeah, that’s exactly what I was nervous about. I think I am leaning towards just posting pictures, etc. after the fact and dealing with any questions afterwards. It’s tough because as much as we would love to have every single one of our friends there, at the end of the day we just want to be married and simply don’t have the budget or time to bring everyone together. Hopefully people will understand that. Thanks for your help!
Post # 7
I definitely won’t be posting our website to Facebook… It’s for the invited guests only!
I haven’t even mentioned the wedding on fb aside from changing my relationship starus to ‘engaged’
Post # 8
SellyJo: Yeah, I’ve kept the wedding talk to a minmum… we posted about our engagement (I just had to share a ring pic!) and then once again when I entered a dress design contest. It definitely sounds like the consensus is that the site should be kept to invited guests only, which was my instinct.
jenilynevette: Our wedding is in 1.5 months (and we just decided 3 weeks ago) so we aren’t doing save the dates, or even invitations. Everyone who is invited got a phone call and/or email, and I am emailing out the wedding site next week. Everyone is 100% comfortable doing it this way–we’re a casual bunch! But yeah, my fiance is not as conscious as etiquette as I am (he’s a very nice person!) so he thought it would be okay and was starting to convince me… thanks for chiming in!
Post # 9
LePetitJambon: Oh wow! Well, unless you would be okay with anyone and everyone on your facebook showing up to your wedding, I wouldn’t put the link on your facebook!
You could always make a private group and put the link/information to the website in there. And just invite people you plan to invite.
Post # 10
No one on Facebook who isn’t invited will need information about travel or lodging, and I definitely wouldn’t post your wedding website there.
Post # 11
Yes you post it but in a private group! You can creat a private group on facebook. Your wedding web site and updates will only show up on the walls of the people who are in your private group. Our family has a family reuinon being planned via face book, a surprise birthday party (Birthday cousin) has not been added to the group and a Sunny family vacations are constinly planned via facebook private groups. I have over 100 first cousin that live all over the world mostly Canada Private groups within facebook is very popular in my family
Post # 12
You can limit who can see every post you make on facebook. Just post it and make it visible only to people who are invited. Simple.
Post # 13
Don’t do it, you’re going to create WAY more problems for yourself. Even the language you use on your wedding website assumes that people reading it are invited. Honestly, I know you don’t mean it this way but if you post it you’re pretty much bragging about this awesome, exclusive party you’re throwing. Just as if you were throwing an amazing close knit Halloween party you wouldn’t post all the details on Facebook. If someone asks you on Facebook when you’re getting married, happily tell them the date and that’s it.
Post # 14
I see no point in this. Its bordering on tacky, no one cares about your wedding as much as you do.. especially people who aren’t actually invited.
Post # 15
- Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club
Your Fiance wants to announce that you planned your wedding? That seems silly to me. If you posted about your engagement I am sure people can assume that the wedding plans are underway. After the wedding you can post some pictures. But the wedding website should be for wedding guests only. You can create a PRIVATE Facebook Event and invite the people to join who you have already invited to the wedding, that way you can share all of the details you want.