Post # 1
I’ve been thinking recently – we think we’ll struggle between us to get more than 40 or 50 people for our wedding, and most of those will be family, considerably older than us, who are not party people. Not exactly ideal for a music and dancing reception.
Luckily, neither me nor FI are overly keen on parties, especially ones where alcohol is flowing, though we like a drink or two we’re nearly teetotal. So my Mother (the fountain of knowledge) asked why don’t we just skip the reception?
I gotta admit, as someone who’s not keen on music/dancing, I LOVE this idea. Say, a ceremony late afternoon, followed by tea and cakes during the photos, then a lovely sitdown meal with cocktails, and a nice early night. We’d have to shove speeches and a first dance in there somewhere, but that’s easy.
Got me thinking though; as a guest, if you were invited to this kind of short, simple wedding with no dancing, no music, and no late night, would you be okay with it? Would you show up expecting to dance and then be dissappointed that you couldn’t? Is it rude, even? Or would you enjoy the simplicity of it?
Post # 3
i’d be ok with it but i probably wouldn’t think of it as “you have no idea! zebraprintme wedding was sooooo much fun, we had the greatest time!”
Post # 4
Dancing isn’t mandatory, sure it’s fun but not necessary. We are having a 60 guest wedding with DJ and dancing, but we love to dance and so does my family and friends so it works for us. I’ve been to weddings with no dancing, it was a different atmosphere but I wouldn’t call it boring. The night ended earlier than most weddings, but that’s what the bride and groom wanted anyways.
Do what’s right for you guys, if you don’t want it, skip it…. No worries!
Post # 5
I hate dancing, so…..sounds great!
Also, I attended a really lovely picnic luncheon wedding where there was no dancing. The couple had a bunch of lawn games, but most of the guests ended up chatting and getting to know each other just at the picnic tables. I barely knew any of the other guests, so I had a great time meeting a bunch of really interesting people!
Post # 6
@ZebraPrintMe: My sister just had a wedding very similiar to this, and it was lovely! I love dancing at weddings and will absolutely have it at mine, and my sister will get her groove on as a guest too, but it just wasn’t what she wanted for her wedding, and that’s completely fine. We had a nice dinner, and people mingled a bit and talked to one another. It was exactly what she wanted, and she was very happy with it. As a guest who understood that, I was happy to see her happy, and I had a wonderful time, even if it was a different sort of good time than most weddings I’ve been to.
I think that, especially given your planned small guest list, word will spread about the type of celebration it will be, so people won’t be expecting dancing. You can word the invitation in a way that gives them a heads up (e.g. “dinner and cocktail reception to follow” or something like that).
This is completely a personal preference, but I would say that even with a sit-down dinner, non-dancing reception, there could still be soft music in the background. A lot of restaurants will let you hook an ipod up if you’re in a separate room. It doesn’t have to be “party” music, but I think it’s always nice for atmosphere!
Ultimately, I think people should have the wedding they want. There is a limit to this probably, you should still consider your guests’ needs, comfort, etc. but having them celebrate your wedding with a nice dinner certainly isn’t torture! 🙂 It might not be everyone’s favorite way to celebrate, but the people who love you and want to celebrate with you should still enjoy it!
Post # 7
Our wedding didn’t have dancing. Small, less than 50 ppl at a restaurant. To me, if you’re not able to be there for a free meal at a big moment in our lives simply because you can’t “get your funk on” then I guarantee we weren’t really that close to begin with and if we’re not that close why would I invite you to my wedding? You’re an adult surrounded by other adults that you know. You’ll be fine. You won’t die. I promise.
And guess what? We had a great time. Sans dancing.
Post # 8
If you were family or a best friend I would totally go. Coworker, friend I see maybe twice a year? Meh, I’d probably skip. It isn’t rude though, to answer your questions. Many people skip receptions. If it is what you want then do what you want. It is you and your FI’s wedding 🙂
Post # 9
I would not consider this skipping the reception — just having the kind of reception you want. You basically just described our wedding, though we did not “shove in” speeches or a first dance. We had background music by iPod. Why have a first dance if there is no other dancing? If you’ve got 40-50 people, you can make sure everyone knows what to expect, so no one is disappointed. We had about 40 people, and everyone seemed to have a great time mingling, enjoying good food, etc… It was really low-key. My cousin said when she gets married she wants it to be just like ours!
Post # 10
for me, that’d be no fun and we’d be likely to leave once dinner was over.
Post # 11
@Magpie86: +1 to all of this.
Although it’s not my particular style, I think it sounds perfectly lovely. I’d happily go and celebrate with you, and I’m sure I’d still enjoy myself. Anyone who wants to be there with you should be fine with it 🙂 I think it sounds really classy and elegant, and simple in a good way.
Post # 12
@ZebraPrintMe: I think it sounds lovely. I’d enjoy that.
Post # 13
I am not a big dancer but I attended one wedding without a dance and it seemed odd because EVERY wedding I attended before that has had one.
My FI and I have to have one…I don’t think my family would ever let me get away without one!
Post # 14
it sounds like it would nice. not exactly fun, but nice.
i would go and enjoy celebrating your marriage, but i would be disappointed that there was no music or dancing.
Post # 15
I have been to two no-dancing receptions for friends of mine. I admit they are not as much fun. A little more low-key. Definately more like a chance for people to just hang out and chat.
I think you should do what you want on your wedding day. Since they aren’t really dancing people, I am sure your guests will enjoy it. It sounds like you are keeping them in mind with your choice. I doubt you will get anyone who complains, or even says anything about it.
Post # 16
I have actually been to very few weddings in my family that have a lot of dancing. My family is not huge on partying either, and at the most recent wedding I attended my cousin had live music and a small dance floor in case anyone felt so inclined, but it was only used for her first dance with her husband and the father-daughter dance. No one else danced.
I was raised in the church of Christ, which is kind of a thing in some parts of the South. A lot of our congregants think that any type of dancing, besides the classiest kind imaginable (think ballroom dancing) is sinful. And I can gurantee no one will be ballroom dancing at my wedding. My parents and I don’t really fall into this line of thinking. I actually love to dance, attended three proms, and hit the club with the SO occasionally. My problem is that I think dancing at my wedding would offend my grandparents, and I am not keen about “putting on a show” for all of our guests with my SO. To complicate things further, I see his family as the kind of people who will really be disappointed if dancing is not included. I am already planning a dry reception, which is massively disappointing to them, I bet. At the end of the day, we will probably have a morning wedding and reception brunch, with minimal dancing. I want to have the chance to dance with my husband and dad, but I am not interested in an all-night party. That’s just not us.
I think that if you do not want dancing, there is no point in having it. I have been to all kinds of weddings, and I have been to at least three that had no or minimal dancing. This should not be about throwing a big party for your guests. It is about planning the perfect day for you and your husband to celebrate your new life, so only include things that you are completely comfortable with ad excited about.