Wedding Without Mom

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

lcowher:  My wedding was a week and a half ago without my mom. My FI and I got engaged in December 2012 and she passed in January 2013. The only part of the planning process she was around for was going dress shopping with me, but I didn’t even buy the dress when she was there. Everything else I’ve had to plan without her.

Some things were harder than others. Normally your mother throws you a shower, but my aunts and bridesmaids had to do that, and essentially I had to suggest it since nobody was sure who would be doing what. There were definitely times where I wanted her guidance or assistance with picking out things, and my father tried to be involved, but he is a guy, and really didn’t have much of a clue. My MOH, my younger sister, tried to help as well, but it was the first wedding she’d ever been in, so she was taking a lot of cues from my married bridesmaids. All in all, there were times when it sucked, and times when I didn’t really focus on it to save myself some sorrow.

I had a good friend design everything paper-related, like save the dates, invites, and programs, so I picked out a wonderful poem and picture of my mom for the back of the program. I wore her wedding rings on a chain around my neck for a necklace, and I had a small vase on the gift/placecard table with a memorial quote and some yellow roses which were her favorite. I didn’t want to do much else on the day of, because I didn’t want to get too emotional about it. To be completely honest, the day was so busy I didn’t have much time to focus on the fact that she wasn’t there, although that thought was something that I had been preparing myself for for 17 months. Having her rings with me all day made me feel as close to her as I could possibly feel, something from her wedding day now connected with mine.

I think about my mom every day, and I always try to think of past conversations when she’d given me advice, or helped me through a problem when I’m facing something new without her. What would mom say? I was 26 when she passed away so I had a few more years than you did, but I feel like I know her well enough to take old advice and apply it to new situations. I’m sure I’m not always right, but it’s all we can do anymore.

You will still have good days, and you will have bad days. I thought my wedding day would go a lot differently than it did. I was hoping that in the morning I might have a good long cry about it to get it all out before my makeup was on, but that didn’t happen. I had a quick moment in the car with one of my bridesmaids before we went into the hotel, but the rest of the day I was so pre-occupied that I didn’t have much time to think about anything. I think no matter what you do or how you feel on your wedding day, you just have to let it flow. You might cry once, several times, or not at all. It’s important to feel how you feel, and anyone who can’t understand it just needs to be supportive. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that anything I said makes you feel even the slightest bit better.

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