Post # 1
My Mom passed away Sept 4, 2008. She had battled cancer for 11 years. My boyfriend at the time, fiancé now asked me to marry him when we found out she was terminal. We had been dating for 5 years and we knew we were to going to get married anyway, and apparently he had planned on proposing before we found out she was terminal. She wouldn’t let me get married while she was still here. She was my best friend my “person”. Now as the wedding gets closer its getting harder to realize she isn’t going to be there for the wedding.
Any words of comfort or does anyone know how this feels?
Post # 3
I know how you feel. My mom passed away in the summer of 2004. It was really hard to have my wedding this year without her and part of me did remember it. I couldn’t just push it away. But the only thing you can really do is just try to have a good time because that’s what she would want.
Post # 4
First, I’m very sorry for your loss. While I’m not in the same situation as you, I do have a grandmother that is not in good health and it is one of my greatest wedding-related fears that she will not be with us by the time of the wedding. While I know it’s not the same, she basically raised me since my parents both worked full time when I was little and my grandma lived with us. I can only imagine what you must be going through. I’m sure it is very difficult for you to be doing this without your mom. I’m not as great with words of wisdom as some of the other bees here, but I’m sure your mom was very happy just knowing that you found the man of your dreams and planned to marry him. She may not be there physically but she will be there in spirit and in your heart. Again, so sorry for your loss. It will be hard but take some comfort in the fact that you’ll be marrying the man you love and want to share your life with. It may feel like it will be a bittersweet day right now, but try to think that the last thing your mom would want would be for you to be sad on such a happy day. I wish the best for you. You’ll be OK.
Post # 5
O my goodness, i’m so so sorry. I don’t have anything. I just can’t imagine how hard this must be. It sounds like your bond is strong with your FI for going through all of that together. You will have a great new family with him, just try and focus on the future. I’m sure your mom would be so proud of you!
Post # 6
Hugs! My father passed away almost 3 years ago. He had melanomia and was fighting the cancer for 5 years but doctors just weren’t able to find a cure for him. Just thinking about him not being at the wedding makes me cry. It will be so hard to walk down the aisle without him. When I first got engaged, my Mom, brother, and I just cried. We just need to remember, that the wedding is about a celebration. I don’t have any words of comfort, but I know that My Dad would be proud of me. I’m sure your Mom would feel the same. Even without him here, I know that I have to continue my life. That’s what he would want. So, instead of eloping like I wanted – I am having the wedding I would have if he were still here.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2009 - Church Ceremony/Reception at The Waterford House
My mom passed away 4 months before we got married- I was devastated. Thankfully, I have a handful of memories of us celebrating my engagement and planning the wedding that I can look back on, but I’m still really sad that she didn’t get to physically be there for it. The last month or so before the wedding was really, really hard. I almost broke down at my last bridal shower, I would cry when rsvp’s would come in from people she really wanted to invite, at our rehersal I got emotional when my MIL told me she wore pink to remember her, even trying to picture the actual day was just depressing. However, our wedding day was a really happy day for my family and me. I think there were one or two brief moments when I felt sad, but for the most part I couldn’t stop smiling. Now that the wedding has past, I do grieve again- I’ve felt sad & I’ve cried. I think there will always be a part of me that is in mourning-losing one’s parents is a really, really hard thing to go through. I’m just trying to learn to live with that part of me/my life now.
…sorry if that was kind of depressing, I just tried to be as honest as possible. If you want to chat you can PM me. I am really sorry for your loss.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone. Im just trying to think how pissed she would be if I was sad on my Wedding Day. Its just nice to hear that I’m not the only one. I know she will be there with me the whole day. I just miss her more then words can say.
Post # 9
Hugs! Although I can’t say I have been there or can even imagine how painful it must be for you, I did attend a wedding of a young lady who lost her mother. Her sister stitched a small photo of their mother into her wedding dress so she could be with her the entire time.
My heart goes out to you, and yes, I don’t think your mother would want you to be sad on your wedding day.
Post # 10
My Mom passed away in ’04 and it’s still hard to think that she won’t be there at my Wedding.I actually had a bit of a break down when writing up the list of guests.One thing I’m doing though is i’m making my veil from her wedding dress. I don’t know what you have of hers but maybe just wearing a bracelette or necklace of hers might help you feel like a piece of her is there with you. And Just remember that she’s smiling down on you!
Post # 11
I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died almost 8 years ago, and as my wedding approaches, I wish more and more that he could be there. It is always at those special life changing moments that you miss them the most. When I graduated from high school and from college, I felt the same way. She will be there with you in spirit. Cherish all the good memories that the two of you had together, and know that she is always with you. I would give anything to have my daddy walk me down the isle, but he left me with two amazing strong brothers who will be to hold my hands.
Post # 12
I know how you feel. Both my parents are deceased, as well as my daughter. You must simply carry on and believe your Mom wouldn’t miss this wedding and will surely be present in spirit.
Post # 13
Hugs to all of you out there who have lost someone you love. I lost my father suddenly to a blood clot April ’07. I will miss him terribly on the wedding day, and I know there will be a certain emptiness without him. The one good thing that came out of the period that came after his death was that everything suddenly came into focus. I had been dating FI, but at that moment I knew that I wanted to marry him and I knew that if we could get that together, we could get through anything. So I go into my wedding knowing that my father would be so incredibly happy knowing that his example as a man and a father has helped me to find and marry a very good man. And I also want to show my grandparents that despite the fact that their only child died too early, that I am carrying on and plan to have children so that there will be another generation.
I hope that you can surround yourself with loving friends and family on your wedding day so that you can share your burden and your joy with others.
Post # 14
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m 24 and I kind of know how you feel and what you are going through as I lost my father 10 months ago. We got engaged a month before he passed and a few days before we found out he was terminal. One of the things he said that I will never forget is how sorry he was that he won’t be able to be there at our wedding. I didn’t know how to react, what to say or what to do but my heart dropped to the floor. I joked it off and told him not to worry about that b/c no matter what he will be there.
We are getting married next september and I think about him everyday with our planning. I am not as close to my brother as we had been a few years back and my mom wants to walk me down but that is “daddys” job and I don’t think my mom wants me to go down by myself even though my mother and I are very close. I feel that if anyone else was to go with me that it would be like trying to replace him and I do not want to do that and I want him to be incorporated into our special day in some way.
Sorry, I got off track but your mom will be with you and she will want your wedding to be the perfect and happiest moments of your life and her little girl. Good luck and stay positive
Post # 15
**hugs to you!** I am so sorry for your loss! I can imagine how you feel. I was raised by my grandparents and my grandma died unexpectedly in 06. She never got to meet my FI. My grandfather is 90 years old and the only family I have and I pray every day he’ll make it to the wedding next year.
Know that you’re not alone and that a lot of brides go through this, sadly, without their moms. Your mom is smiling down on you, wanting you to be happy, and will always be with you. Hang in there and don’t be afraid to vent/grieve whenever you need to.