Post # 1
I lost both my parents in my early 20’s and haven’t struggled this much since the first few years after their passing. I’ve been having a gradual meltdown over the past two weeks and not really ready to talk to a therapist about it. I was ecstatic when I was surprised with the most incredible, thoughtful proposal ever a few months ago. We recently came to the decision that we would elope, and eventually have a marriage celebration once we’ve purchased a home in the next year or so. I wasn’t into the whole traditional wedding, where I would feel the lack of their presence so strongly and the “dream” wedding was financially prohibitive. FI is terribly understanding and is willing/ready to do whatever I choose.
I just feel so terribly lost, and alone. I’ve tried on honestly over 100 dresses ( I haven’t admitted that to anyone bees). And I keep obsessing over it. My FMIL lives in another state, and I wouldn’t feel terribly comfortable with her their anyway. My sister has been supportive and seen me through the first 50 dresses, but she has poor health and I think I’ve worn through her patience. Honestly I’m at a point of wanting to postpone for another year until I can work through my emotional issues. Additionally, I get Seasonal Affective Disorder and this time of year is just full of depression and low energy. I’m not sure what I’m looking for bees, I just want to hear that it’s going to be alright, and that I can make it through.
Post # 3
@salejolie: I’m so sorry. I lost my mother years ago, and because of that I had initially been reluctant to look at wedding gowns. Dress shopping is probably the biggest part of planning where you’ll feel your parents’ absence… it’s sad, and it sucks, but you have to focus on the people who love and support you here and now. And know that your parents would be supportive of any decision you made, and that they would think you’re the most gorgeous bride that ever lived no matter what dress you choose.
I made the best of my friends, and I had a wonderful aunt who supported me and joined me in some dress shopping excursions. I too tried on a LOT of dresses (probably 10 different visits to various boutiques!), but I didn’t make any one person come with me to all of them. One friend came to some, my aunt came to some others, and another friend joined me on a few others. So I split it up, so I didn’t wear out anyone’s patience too much. Haha. 🙂 Your sister will understand!!
Do you have any momento from them? Perhaps a childhood blanket, or a handkerchief or old shirt. Cut a heart of it, and have it sewn into your dress. Or use a piece of your mom’s jewelry as a bouquet charm. Something small, subtle, but that you’ll know it’s there with all the support and love they raised you with. Just knowing I would be including my mom in some way like that helped with my emotional stress.
You sound like you have a wonderful fiance, and I’m sure he would understand if you do need more time to come to terms with things. You want to be able to enjoy the wedding planning, and if waiting for your emotions and mindset to settle and adjust will mean that you’ll get more joy out of the planning, then you should wait. Even if it just means don’t start the planning process till the Spring, when you’re feeling a little better! Just don’t rush yourself.
I wish you the best of luck, and please keep smiling! Know that you are surrounded by wonderful people who love you and support you, and that your parents would not want you to have any sadness through your wedding planning.
Post # 4
@lovelove1028: Thanks so much love. I definitely need to be more patient with myself and you’re right, they would be behind me every step of the way. My fiance is wonderful, and really understanding. He wants to set some time aside to really hash out details and plans for the elopement, when I’m feeling up to it. I think the dress is the biggest hurdle; I’ve almost pulled the trigger a few times, but I always wonder if there’s something more “me” out there. Thanks for reading lady.