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Okay so let me start by saying that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and I really hope that this doesn't start some type of heated debate or anything.
That being said... I knew when I first came to WeddingBee that they were owned by Eharmony and that Eharmony is not LGBT friendly (yes I know they have a site for LGBT now, but it was court ordered so I don't really feel like that is an inclusive policy). I kind of thought I'd just see what the site was all about and.... I'M HOOKED. I love this site, it is so fun, has so many great ideas, and I really love all the supportive women around here. In the last few weeks I've spent so many hours here chatting and looking at everyone's photos and it is great!
But, I'm starting to feel really guilty because I'm so totally aware that every time I come to this site, it supports eharmony. I am heterosexual, but I fully support LGBT rights and I personally think it's really wrong that there is so much discrimination against gay and lesbian couples. I kind of feel like it is morally wrong for me to support a company that tries to discriminate.
Does anyone else struggle with this? I love it around here and I want to stay but I'm just feeling so guilty!
We completely support LGBTQ rights here on Weddingbee!
I definitely hope that more LGBTQ brides and grooms apply, so we can add to the diversity here... we've had LGBTQ brides in the past, and hope to have more in the future.
I agree with you in the respect that I am unhappy with the discrimination towards LGBT couples, and I really don't believe that we are in the minority with this. I think it's important to keep in mind that WeddingBee is definitely LGBT friendly (we even have a boards section for same sex marriages under the "cultural boards" heading) and WeddingBee certainly welcomes any hive member or bee applicant from the LGBT community.
However, I don't think that you should feel guilty about supporting a site that is owned by eHarmony. On the contrary, I think that by participating and speaking up for what you believe in is how policies and beliefs change in the world, and on the internet.
I hope this helps, but if you have further concerns you can PM me....
I didn't know Weddingbee was owned by EHarmony when I first started browsing the site. It wasn't until I did a little more exploring that I noticed Eharmony at the bottom of the site. I was kind of disappointed.
I read IndieBride msg boards too and I have noticed a lot less L/G weddings mentioned and general LGBT people here.
I guess it goes to show that no matter how hard you try to get out of the mainstream wedding industry there it is to pull you back in!
I actually had no idea about the previous discussions regarding weddingbee & the Eharmony sale, until a few weeks ago when I was going through a few older Bees blogs and saw this info come up.
I 100% support LGBTQ rights and am supportive of Bees decisions to leave or stay on Weddingbee. It is difficult to live your life being 100% supportive in ALL aspects of our lives, which is where I deem weddingbee comes in. I have learned such valuable information on this site that has helped me understand the wedding business, given me great ideas, and has overall helped me tremendously in my wedding plans. Although Eharmony discriminates against a population & they own this site, I don't feel that I am supporting their decision to discriminate, because I have my personal beliefs and me reading this site doesn't change them, nor do I personally feel that reading this site supports discrimination (IMHO.)
What would change my mind about weddingbee, would of been,after the sale to Eharmony, weddingbee would of stated that they wish for no LGBTQ individuals to utilize the site, that would of been unacceptable. That obviously didn't happen & for that reason I feel that weddingbee has remained an equal place :)
i hate that the LGBTQ community is left out of the wedding industry! but i don't feel guilty, because i don't think the LGBTQ community as a whole wants heterosexual brides to be made to feel and they are doing something wrong by using what we are blessed to have. that energy is better spent on making sure the LGBTQ community gets the same opportunities we do. like mrs. bee said, i think we could use more LGBTQ bees around here!!!
I just noticed the other day that Wedding Bee is owned by eHarmony. Given their past, I wasn't too thrilled about it as I have a lot of gay friends. I'm still on the fence about it, to be honest with you.
@mrsbee- thanks for the quick response. I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.
I do understand that Weddingbee itself is LGBT friendly, and I did notice the community section for those that identify that way. I have never actually seen anything on this site that was anything less than respectful and inclusive. The only part that bothers me is that I know my patronage makes EHarmony money and EHarmony is not LBGT friendly. I guess I could look at it from the perspective that by being here and making my voice heard maybe we can change EHarmony's views? I don't know. It is just something that has been bothering me a little bit and I wanted to see if it was anyone else's minds.
I feel the same way. It's like indirectly supporting something, but not...regardless, eHarmony is just behind the times and hopefully they have moved on from their bad past. I think every company has some bad PR at some point and hopefully moves beyond it.
I also hope some LGBT people find this site and feel free to dive right in and join us! Knowing some LGBT people, they tend to not be so outspoken on places like this for fear of rejection and/or discrimination. Also I think there are lots of LGBT wedding resources available, but mostly through the grapevine so they go about planning their wedding in a non-traditional way, IE not using a lot of the popular websites we use all the time.
I really love the diversity of this place. I live in the heart of midwestern missouri where we really don't get any at all and I really struggle with my viewpoints and feeling like the lone outfielder in left field all by myself. I know it's just *where* i physically live though, which is why I love online communities like this one! Lots of perspectives and opinions. Opens up your mind.
I have mixed feelings about it too, as we are a same-sex couple. On the one hand, I don't like it that profits from this site may benefit eHarmony. At the same time, the people have been very supportive--we have not once encountered rejection or discrimination here. And I would hate to see the LBGTQ and LBGTQ-friendly people leaving here, and making it a site for only straight, homophobic couples.
Ultimately, my view is that I want any site where brides (and grooms!) discuss their weddings to have a strong LBGTQ and LBGTQ-friendly presence. That way, straight couples can see that gay couples are just like them, with the same issues, from decor to family drama.
I am encouraged in this by the example of New England. When Massachusetts first got gay marriage, the majority of residents were opposed to it. However, after several years of seeing gay couples get married and Western civilization as we know it not come to an end, Massachusetts and all of the surrounding states have become much more accepting of gay marriage. It is really easy for homophobes to stay that way if they don't have gay friends (or don't know their friends are gay), but much harder if they see gay couples as their family, friends and neighbors.
So I do understand those LGBTQ and LGBTQ-friendly people who have left here. However, my personal decision is to stay.
@2dBride - I'm glad you decided to stay :) I remember when you were considering leaving, and while at the time (I was still a pretty new Bee myself) I had no idea how hilarious you are... but still hoped you would stay. Now that I DO know how stinking funny you can be, I'm glad you stuck around!
re: this topic; I had no idea WeddingBee was owned by eHarmony! I guess I just assumed ... that ... Mr and Mrs Bee ... did this for fun ... ? hah, I guess I never really thought about it.
eHarmony definitely takes a pretty closeminded stance towards the LGBTQ community, which is sad. :( It also makes me sad that there's not more going on on our Same Sex culture board. How can we as bees be more supportive or welcoming to same sex couples?
Awww, thanks!
None of the Same Sex boards (on any site that I've found) are all that active. However, I think that primarily arises from the fact that same-sex couples are generally welcomed onto all of the wedding boards. Since about 99% of the issues we face are the exact same ones that straight couples face, it makes sense to discuss them on boards where we can get responses from both gay and straight couples.
:) That makes me feel a LOT better! Actually, I'm feeling a little silly for not putting that one together on my own, hehe... my inner blonde, coming out to play, perhaps?
are we really going to get into this. Personally i believe marriage is between a man and a woman, it may not be a popular opinion and im sure ill get alot of trouble for being honest but i dont like how one sided this post seems to be.
Thanks for bringing this up, I too was unaware of the eHarmoney connection. I understood Weddingbee to be independently owned by Mrs.Bee and always found pride in the fact that it was a grassroots site unlike the Know or Chatty Brides, etc. That being said, I still enjoy Weddingbee and will continue to participate but I wonder, when was it bought by eHarmoney?
@Mrs. Rabieh, of course you're entitled to your opinion, but here at WB we try to be courtious to one another, regardless of differing opinions on any number of topics. I for one would appreciate if you'd be respectful of all your fellow bees.
I am very excited and very impressed that everyone is being so nice about this subject. I agree with both Mrs.Rabieh AND daydreamwanderer. I believe marriage should be between man and a women (just an opinion) BUT I also think everyone needs to be respectful of eachother and everyone's individual opinions. Weddingbee is such an awesome place because we can all come here and vent, talk about weddings, plan, and laugh all without worring about backlash from other brides. It's such a fabulous site.
Honestly, I was raised in a devout Mormon family. I still practice and believe in my church. I go to church on Sundays and believe 100% of what I'm being taught is true. But, when I come to wedding bee, it's strictly about me having fun with other brides, regardless of the situation, religious beliefs social, beliefs...you get the picture!
This thread just once again proves why wedding bee and the brides/grooms who attend it are so great! We can discuss a controversial subject like this and still all get along and respect others opinions!
I agree with Miss Burgundy. It sends a better message if the majority of the posters here are vocally pro-LGBT than if we all flee in protest and leave behind only those who are not supportive.
Until I read this post I never in a million years realized that WB was owned by EHarmony! I guess I tend to think of myself as pro-love (no, I am not going all 60's on you guys) but in the sense that love is love no matter who it is between. Sex is a biological concept and gender as a social concept do not and should not play a factor in who can and should love eachother. IMO, no matter what two people it is between, I am confident when I say that brides and grooms no matter what their sexual orientation, go through the same or similar situations. All of us have future in laws, budget issues, etc. :) As always, just my 2 cents for what it's worth. :)
-Bella
I feel anxious about it sometimes, but as a parent company eharmony doesn't appear to control content on this site. So as long as we have freedom of speech, that makes me feel better. I wish some LGBT brides would apply. I also wish they had the same rights to marriage. sigh.
I don't know if I'm bothered more by the fact that EHarmony owns WeddingBee, or that WeddingBee is pretty heavily populated with women who would be willing to spend $700 on a pair of shoes.
Seriously, though. If you find the site useful, come, take the information you need, then leave. It's easy to get "hooked," as you say, and spend more time than you probably should.
If it bothers you to support a major company that doesn't willingly support and serve the LGBTQ community, then stop visiting. There are sites like this everywhere.
I totally agree with Jocelyn3476, too. Better to remain and be vocal.
I too am in a same sex relationship. I was torn at first about WeddingBee being affiliated with EHarmony and I'll admit that it has been an ongoing struggle for me. It's not exactly encouraging to the LGBT community that EHarmony was legally mandated to branch out.
Pretty icky, slimey if you ask me.
Thanks so much for the forced acceptance. Here, let me give you some of my hard earned cash now.
Ugh.
On the other hand, I didn't want to just follow a gay wedding site because I don't feel that that's necessary. Like 2nd bride said - our wedding issues are all pretty much the same. Just because Vanessa and I are both girls doesn't mean that our flower choices or dress stresses are any different than another bride.
I applied to be a blogger but wasn't accepted. I wasn't exactly what Weddingbee was looking for I guess. I would love to see a lesbian/gay blogger. It would really open the boards up to a much more diverse group of wedding planners.
@2dBride- I'm glad you decided to stay as well. I hope we have more same sex couples join the bee as well.
I thought about leaving as I have many gay griends and do not appreciate EHarmony's past stance. I even have a triad on my guestist! ( I did have a moment about this etiquette-wise, but that's another story) Then I compared it to some of the celebrities not getting married until everyone has the right to marry. This I don't agree with. How is depriving myself of something important to me and my FI going to further someone else's cause? How will leaving weddingbee help LBGT couples?
I became a fan of White Knot on Facebook. I thought doing some sort of reading at our wedding about the right to marry, but then decided I dont think it's appropriate to make your wedding into a political statement.
Maybe those that want to support LBGT couples' right to marry could put the white knot in their avatar? How do other bees feel about doing something like that?
I think history is on the side of same sex marriage... in a generation or two, I believe that support for LBGTQ weddings will be widespread. In the meantime, I hope that our boards and site can be on the vanguard of support for weddings for people of all types and sexual orientations!
To those who believe marriage should be between a man and a woman: I personally disagree, but regardless marriage is definitely a civil right... I think the key question is, should some people's beliefs stand in the way of other people being given access to an important civil right? I think the growiing consensus is that it should not. That's definitely my stance...
2dbride - That's interesting about same sex boards not that active on other wedding sites either! That said, we'd love to get some more LGBTQ brides on the blog! We've been pushing for increased diversity on the site for 3+ years - across a number of dimentions, including culture, religion, and sexual orientation. We'll be doing more outreach to encourage applications soon!
wow, i'm shocked and disappointed to hear that eHarmony owns this site. what a downer. i completely support LGBT rights, and hope that everyone will not just remain on this board -- to be a vocal and visible presence -- but that more people from the gay community will join here. thank you for the head's up!
PS: maybe we could try to ignore anyone making uncivil comments on this thread. i like to utilize what Miss Manners describes as the social snub. the frosty shoulder. sometimes it speaks louder than words. ("i can't see you, and I won't engage. you are invisible to me." heh heh. few responses hush up a gadfly more quickly than silence.)
Mrs. Rabieh -seems like you're not being all that polite all of a sudden.
Let me see...let me try to put it into perspective from a member of the LGTB community.
Picture this: you work in this country, pay taxes to build schools, fill the boot for Americans with MS, pony up the cash for parking tickets and fuel the local economy with little pieces of your paycheck.
But still, no matter how "normal" you seem from the outside, you aren't a full citizen. You're denied a very basic civil right. If you died in a car accident tomorrow, the person that your heart chose, the person that takes care of you when you're sick and holds you when you've had a bad day, has literally no legal stake on you or your life insurance. Or, like in the state of Arkansas where I live, they can't even keep the chidren that you've raised together.
I only hope that you never have to go through such a thing. Go ahead with your self righteousness. I hope if you raise children they are opened minded in a way that begins to erase the mistakes of their parents.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh. I'm just sick over the whole thing.
My wedding is in California on November 7th. Instead of just being thrilled about my upcoming day like so many of the brides on this board I have to live hearing snide comments about how "it won't even be legal -what's the point?"
I don't judge you or the relationship that you're in and I would really appreciate it if you'd learn a little more about me before you judge mine.
I just wanted to post this link for those that don't know about it:
http://www.whiteknot.org/index.html
Since we don't have signatures for our posts here, I'm not sure how to imcorporate the logos/badges they offer, but if you have a wedding website, maybe you can post it there. You can also become a fan on Facebook and show support that way.
@ Miss SoonToBe - Love your post, it is one of the most honest and heartfelt posts I have seen on here. While I am not from the LGBT community I support my friends and family in every way. My best friend of 10 years of course cannot "legally" get married in this Southern place we live, but I will be damned if he does not have the wedding of his dreams to the man he loves. And I would do the same for anyone in his/your position.
There is always going to be the one person who will have to post something to heat things up. I respect everyone's views and beliefs, but sometimes you have to walk away and just not post. If you do not agree, then do not join the conversation. It is that simple. Why rain on everyone else's parade?
@Miss SoonToBee - as a former CA resident who moved a few months before that sad voting day, I want to express my sympathies :(
I do have a question though (am a little embarrassed that I'm ignorant) - a coworker said that in CA same sex couples can have a civil union or something like that, and claimed that legally there were no differences between that and marriage. I can't help but assume that statement is false. Could you shed some light for me? (or point me in the right direction of where to google this)? If this thread isn't the right place, could you PM me?
(this comes up because I have a friend in CA who's a lesbian, in a long term committed relationship, and I have been encouraging her to make it 'official' and propose to her gf, and she says it's too hard with the current legislation, so ... I really want to help her feel validated and affirmed, and DO think her GF would want to get married if they could)
MissSoonTOBee: round of applause! (i'm making the little circle with my clapping hands right now!.
Please feel free to reread my posts i was in noway disrespectful nor will i be. I just simply am entitled for to my own opinion as are you. and please dont continue to attack me for it.
i dont know if my last post went through. but basicly it was just saying that I will leave you alone to your post.
It just doesnt feel right that i am not entitled to my own opinion without being attacked for it. I have plently of family members and friends who are same sex couples, i love them just dont agree with there choices.
i am sorry that you feel i am "judging" your relationship that isnt the case on my end.
anyway enjoy your convo and please re read my previous posts im sorry if they were taken rudly but they were honestly not meant that way.
you know what bees.. maybe your right.
im sorry. i can see how some of the things i said may didnt come across respectfully and i appologize. your entitiled to your opinion and i mine, we may never agree but can we agree to disagree? i promise to be more careful and polite in the future.
can you forgive me?
Mrs.Rabieh- It's hard to come off the way you think you are when people can't hear your tone or see your facial expressions. We have probably all been guilty of this once or twice. I don't think the post was particualrly one sided, just that everyone seemed to agree. = ) Either way, I'm sure I am not the only one glad to accept the apology.
I am also in agreement. I have love that one of my Co-workers is married to the woman of her dreams. I don't think you should be penalized just because your heart fell for a person that others think is not right. I found this on youtube while browsing the other day, and yought you ladiers may like to see it. = ) I think it's an ineresting idea!
@Miss SoonToBee keep applying! I'd love to see you as a bee!
I definitely agree that it would be great to have more diversity on the Hive! I definitely agree that the weddingbee/eharmony connection makes me uncomfortable, but I think that it's important for those of us who support the LGBT community and same sex marriage continue to be vocal and make our voices heard on the Hive and continue to show our support!
I found out about the eHarmony connection right after I started going on WB, and I was disturbed at first .. but if you really think about it, eHarmony is a corporation, and its number one goal is to make money. It's not a political organization or religious organization or anything like that, so it's not like I am directly supporting the anti-equality agenda. I figured that the best thing I could do was help make WB and its stance towards marriage equality successful, which would then in turn encourage companies like eHarmony to support more programs that include all types of partnerships. On the other hand, I didn't think boycotting WB would really change anything ...
Don't forget that we did have a wonderful same-sex blogger here, the esteemed Mrs. Gingerbread...
@Mrs. DG, haven't all of Mrs. Gingerbread's posts been taken down?
It would be great to have a same-sex blogger in the this generation of bees!
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