(Closed) Wedding/Reception Drama… Ugh!

posted 6 years ago in Reception
  • poll: What would you do?
    Do the big wedding like everyone else wants... : (3 votes)
    13 %
    Run away and elope... : (16 votes)
    70 %
    Invite everyone for a wedding, but not have a reception... : (4 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    310 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Have the wedding that YOU AND YOUR HUBBY want to have. Its your day, your paying for it. There are tons of people that want to come to my eedding, but finances dont allow it. So some folks just arent getting invited. Theyll get over it. Dont let anyone make you feel bad for not inviting them or make you feel like you have to invite them.

    Post # 4
    6 posts
    • Wedding: October 2012


    it sounds like you really don’t want a big wedding at all and that you would just being doing it to make others happy.  It’s your day (you and your fiance) and you should do what you want.  It sounds like you’d be okay with a small family wedding, a compromise with what your fiance wants to your eloping.  Why not just do that? 

    People will be upset, but really, they’ll get over it.  I thought that some of my friends were going to be upset when I finally decided on an immediate family only wedding.  But, most of my friends were supportive of my decision, even my friend whom I had already asked to be my matron of honor.  I had one friend and her husband who said they were “going to hijack my wedding” and plan it inexpensively just so that they could be there. 

    You said you were an introvert and the idea of a huge wedding is really stressful for you.  Your real friends will know and understand this.  Yes, they will be upset, but they’ll get over it.  I was definitely sad when I found out a friend got married, but I got over it and we’re still friends.

    The day is not at all about what other people want, but it’s what you want and how you want to celebrate the love between the two of you.  I know someone on another board who is just doing the big ceremony and then riding off with her husband to wine country.  No reception, just a ceremony. 

    Post # 5
    913 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I’ve never heard of having a big ceremony but no reception. I do know that it’s considered poor etiquette to invite people to the ceremony but not to the reception, if you are having both. I’m not sure if this extends to the idea of inviting people to the ceremony but not having any kind of reception.

    Personally I think the reverse is more common and makes more sense–have a tiny ceremony (maybe just the two of you) and then have a reception for everyone. The reception is where a lot of the wedding “stuff” comes into play: cake, dances, etc. So this may satisfy your fiance’s wish for the traditional wedding.

    I understand how you feel, though. We are both introverted and decided to elope, but we are taking a lot of flak for it from some of our friends and family, so we may give in and have a reception.

    Post # 6
    312 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If what is important to you is the marriage, just run away. Everyone will forgive you. Eventually 🙂

    Post # 7
    4 posts
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My fiance and I had a similar issue but we decided to have a smaller wedding (only 80 guests). I’m sure some people are unhappy about that and there have been a few awkward “you’re not invited” conversations, but it was worth it. A smaller wedding was a compromise between the big party he wanted to have and the eloping with a great trip I wanted to have.

    Post # 8
    196 posts
    Blushing bee

    We wanted to elope, but we ended up having a small wedding (20 guests), which would be another option.  You might just do parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, and a handful of long time friends only.  No one has the right to be offended at not getting an invite, just as you don’t have a right to be offended if someone declines.

    If a small wedding is going to lead to a barrage of complaints, (i.e. your mother complaining the whole time because her sister isn’t invited), I would go with the eloping and let anyone who wants to complain plan (and pay for) the party they think you should have.

    Post # 9
    2849 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    In the end, it’s your day, so have the wedding you want. Don’t worry about making others happy, because people will always find something to complain about. 

    Post # 10
    767 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Elope somewhere nice and invite people if they want to come.  You won’t need to pay anything and most people won’t want to take the trip. 

    Post # 11
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    You need to add another option to your poll:

    Ignore people who say they will be offended and invite the people you want to invite.

    Eloping completely disregards your FI’s wishes. Having a 200 person wedding disregards your wishes.  How about a 30 person ceremony followed by a reception at a restaurant? Low key, intimate, etc.

    Post # 12
    2866 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Option C is a no go. It is beyond rude to have a ceremony and not a reception. People will have MUCH more to say about that than an elopment, I promise you that. Is it the cost or the people aspect? The cost aspect could be easily worked out especially since you are having a Friday wedding. Have a late ceremony and a dessert reception or heck a cake and punch reception in the church hall. If you really want to elope then to heck with everyone else and do it! 

    Post # 13
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    People are always going to be mad. If you go for Option C, people will be bit*ching about how there’s no reception. Option A) will be the least offensive I suppose but trust me, it’s really not worth the money and stress of having a big wedding. I would actually support your elopement plans- I mean, if you invite no one, it is better than inviting some and not others! No one can complain;)

    Upon arriving home, just have a simple meet up with drinks or a backyard barbeque or nothing at all

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