- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I’m sorry for being so gloomy and emotional, bees – I just feel like I need a place to vent and say what’s happening and don’t feel free to say it to anyone around me, given the nature of the situation.
My wedding is in just under 3 weeks. My FI and I have been planning it for a year and a half – first wedding for both of us. Our parents were super excited – him being the oldest in his family, me being the only daughter. We both come from big, close, loud, supportive families. It looked perfect until –
Just over a week ago, my grandma got very sick. Now, she is like the matriarch of my family. Everything and everyone centres around her (and she is AMAZING). She has had Alzheimers for many years though, so we knew it was only a matter of time. About a week and a half ago, she started having mini strokes. Couldn’t speak, couldn’t walk, couldn’t stand, raced to hospital. We thought we were going to lose her, but she rallied. Left hospital, started talking, eating again. Then had another massive stroke. Back to hospital. Everyone was called to her bedside to say goodbye. She spent two days semi-conscious. We were sure it was the end.
She rallied again.
And now is declining again. It appears this will be a holding pattern.
My family is emotionally and mentally exhausted. Nowhere near the mood for a wedding. I am nowhere near the mood for a wedding. I have spent the past weeks supporting and caring for my mom while she cares for her mom. I feel like someone will need to drag me down the aisle. Not because I do want to marry my FI – I adore him and he has been the most wonderful man through all of this – but I don’t want to party. I don’t want to celebrate.
And then, the selfish part of me doesn’t want this to be the memory of my wedding. My bachelorette – cancelled. My bridal shower – cancelled. Everything has been cancelled because no one has the emotional energy – or time – to do it. Who wants to send, or receive, a party invitation when they are waiting on the “she’s gone” phone call?
I don’t want to remember all of this pain, and half-arsed celebration, as my wedding. But there’s no choice. Too much money invested, no ability to postpone. Too many guests flying from a distance on the groom’s side in particular.
I think my only choice is the “check out” of the family situation for awhile, so that I can emotionally detach and focus on the wedding. But it breaks my heart to do so.
Again – I am sorry bees. I just needed a space to say this.