Post # 1
I’ve been on the Bee for a month or so now, reading various posts and making a few comments here and there. One trend that I’ve seen pop up are ladies bringing up other family members and friends getting engaged and then married in the same year… and being upset about it! I genuinely DO NOT understand this.
I’m attending two other weddings besides mine this year, and one is for a cousin, who got engaged after me and is getting married before me (oh the horror…). Do I give two hoots? No! Heck, I’m ecstatic for her!! And can’t WAIT for the wedding! I doubt said cousin is upset either… too busy to think about such a minuscule nothing.
So, just trying to get an understanding about why some Bees are not too happy about these situations…
Post # 3
SOME bees think that they get an entire year (or even two) to be in the spotlight. I get why some bees are upset if there is another family wedding the weekend after theirs or whatever. I couldn’t imagine how that must feel having two weddings back to back. Pre event parties would run into each other and depending on whose wedding is first, one couple may not be able to attend if they go on their honeymoon right after.
Like you, I don’t get the ones who are upset about a wedding months from theirs. There is no reason to be upset about a wedding happening 6 months before or after yours or even 3 months. I get the within the month thing. Not because you deserve a full month, but like I said, two weddings in the same family that close together could cause problems. (schedules, travel, ect.)
Post # 5
@Miss Tattoo: When it comes to the family’s, I agree with you. I have a friend who’s siblings (brother and sister) are both getting married this summer.. within a month or two of each other. I feel bad for the family because that means two wedding socials, two showers, two weddings… thats a lot of moolah to cash out, travelling, planning, etc within a small time frame.
I do feel a bit bad for our family as well (ours are 3 months apart), but I’ve already figured out who will most likely attend her wedding instead of mine and I’m A-Okay with it. Less alcohol and food consumed, more money left in my pockets.
The whole spotlight, “its my day so therefore I should have the whole year” thing that has nothing to do with family makes me feel like grown women are being selfish…. yuck.
Post # 6
@CherryWaves: Yeah…those are the same women who get mad about anyone getting pregnant during the year of their wedding or dying their hair or whatever. Ultimate Bridezillas you got right there!
Post # 7
@Miss Tattoo: I can’t help my giggle at the “pregnant part”….especially since I’m hoping that I’ll have one BEFORE my wedding (which, if we get lucky this month, would put it in MARCH!!!). Or, if not this year, we plan on start trying in Feb/March of next year.
I really don’t get it either. Except for the travel part.
If one is having a wedding on the East Coast and another on the West Coast, I can see where travel costs would put a damper on things since people MIGHT end up having to pick between the weddings. Especially since the economy SUCKS right now.
But… if they’re close and in the same city or within hours of each other (venues, obviously), then…. whaaaaa? Why the arguing??? Unless you’ve got people traveling who’ll have to choose, but wouldn’t that happen regardless???
And… would these same women feel better if the people who “have to choose” chose neither?
Post # 8
It kinda sucks for the families if they are close… like within weeks or months… its a lot of events and cash, but I mean as far as being months like 5 or more apart I dont see what the issue is. I guess nobody wants there spotlight stolen.
Post # 9
While we were waiting for my engagement ring to come in the mail (and thus for a proposal to come shortly after that — the ring was the only thing holding us back), my FI’s cousin V got engaged. I was sorta bitter about it, I was happy for her of course but it just rubbed in the fact that my ring was somewhere in the cosmos of USPS-land (and eventually ended up being lost completely which just added to the frustration) and then-SO and I weren’t engaged yet. It wasn’t that I was bitter about her getting engaged “first”, it was just that I so badly wanted to be engaged and yet my damn ring was lost to the USPS’s ass-hattery and there was not a damn thing I could do about it.
But now we’re engaged too and we have always wanted to get married in June or early July, and V and her Fiance want to get married in late summer or early fall, and you know what? I am so excited!! Two weddings in one summer, man, that’s awesome! I’m excited to see her wedding evolve along with mine, it’s like having a wedding planning buddy!
ETA: But I can see why it would suck to have two weddings really close together, like a week or two…I feel like, for the first couple, everyone would be like “Ok, they’re done, now let’s move on to the next one!” and the afterglow of excitement in the week or so after the wedding would be quashed. I know couples only get “one day”, but come on, close families and friends spend the next couple days at least being excited and happy for the couple, there are often day-after brunches/gift opening parties, well wishes given for the next few days, etc. etc….if there’s a wedding the next weekend, people will already have shifted gears mentally to that and it’s like the newlywed glow of the family (if that makes sense) is gone for that couple. And it would suck for the second couple too because that pre-wedding excitement doesn’t happen because everyone is mentally in the mode of the first wedding.
I honestly have no idea if that made sense…haha. I’m trying to describe something that I don’t know if anyone else feels and I don’t quite know how to do it lol.
Post # 10
My Fiance sister recently decided that they were going to get married in September, they got engaged in Feb. We have been engaged for a while and aren’t getting married until January. Well she didn’t want to tell me or bother me because she didn’t want to interrupt my wedding planning.
I don’t get it? I was more worried about having a test on the weekend that she was scheduling her wedding than it interrupting my planning. I don’t get the train of thought sometimes. I mean I know we are in the home stretch and are wraing things up, but I mean really. I will be your SIL. Well I guess what can I expect when I found out you were engaged off of facebook?
Post # 12
I won’t lie, I’m one of those people.
We got engaged in Feb of this year & immediately started looking at venues. We knew we wanted to get married in Aug/Sep/Oct so we were trying to find places that had dates available and were in our price range. In the few weeks it took us to do all our research, my younger sister starts asking if we’ve set our date yet because she & her bf are planning on getting engaged & starting to look for dates. They’d like to get married in August but are waiting for us to set our date first. She settled on October. 27 days after my wedding.
It irkes me. And honestly, part of it is because I felt like I would be overshadowed by her (I have issues from years back that I’m still working through)…the other part is that I was, and still am, annoyed because she didn’t consider our family. She didn’t think about people who will now have to decide which wedding they can travel to, she didn’t think about our parents having to pay for two weddings less than a month apart, she didn’t think about people who will now be purchasing 2 weddiing gifts so close together. All these things annoy me.
Post # 13
As one coming from a position of prior jealousy now mostly overcome—
it is very difficult to have someone you don’t know have *your* new family attend their wedding and therefore not be able to attend yours.
Only after I really got the chance to hang out with my SIL and get to know her could I deal with this and be fine with it.
Turns out I was transfering my frustration and confusion with suddenly having a whole lot of new family into being jealous of her. Not a good reason, but it does happen.
I think it’s not *actually* about stealing the spotlight, it’s about an easy way to be frustrated at something specific (a one day event), instead of something vague like 38 new family members to try to get to know and get along with (a many year process that somehow we think we have to do all in one day).
Post # 14
Honestly, as someone who is attending weddings (of two brides who are related) that are spaced only a few months apart, I wish more people would be concerned about this. I am shelling out an insane amount of money for travel costs (flights, hotels, rental cars, etc.), shower gifts, wedding gifts, etc., and it would have been a huge help (to all of their family members) if they were spaced out a little more (many people can only attend one, don’t want to attend either if they can’t attend both, or are spending a fortune to attend both).
In terms of the spotlight issue, is it a little selfish/immature/whatever to want the spotlight to yourself for the span of a few months? Perhaps. (I doubt that I would be that way, but whatever.) However – based on the brides I know and from what I’ve seen in recaps, etc. – it’s somewhat normal to bask in the glow of your wedding day beyond the wedding day.
Just my two cents… 🙂
Post # 15
I think if its a sibling or close relative getting married close together it does make it difficult for family and can be a tricky situation. I got engaged 2 weeks after my Bridesmaid or Best Man did and we did wait for them to set their date 1st. We both planned on this summer and its been a blast planning together. She is getting married in Aug and I will be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and my daughter will be her flower girl. We have some mutual friends attending both weddings but I’m not worried about it at all. I am having a small 75 guest wedding at a golf course and she’s having a 250 guest party at her parent’s house. I doubt anyone will be comparing the two. My other Bridesmaid or Best Man is getting married next summer.
Post # 16
My best friend got married a few months before me, I wasn’t upset about it – but I was really worried that our bridal parties (same people) were going to be really burnt out by the time it was my wedding.
Lol, it worked out fine, but no one really stuck around for my after party – oh well… I’m sure they were DONE with weddings by then. 😉