Wedding Shower Help Please!

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
22124 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think most people understand that the shower and the wedding are separate occasions that usually involve gifts. Also, people generally understand that a shower is meant to “shower” the bride with gifts. If two gifts are too much for a person to afford or they don’t want to give two gifts, they probably will just choose not to attend the shower.

If the couple prefers money, I understand that, but I’d recommend that you not request money from guests at the shower. Usually, a really big part of the shower is watching the bride open all of her gifts, so it may just be awkward all around if guests are simply invited to bring a card with cash or a check with them. That probably won’t sit well with anyone, as it’s still not really considered kosher in most circles to explicitly request money.

Many guests give money as a gift at weddings whether the couple has a registry or not. I know several people who just give money for weddings, period.

Post # 5
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Ellie_lw:  I agree with the pp. Showers are one of the traditions associated with a woman getting married. People expect to be invited and they expect to bring a gift.

Do not ask for money for either the shower or the wedding. If she wants money for wedding gifts she should have only a small registry or not have one at all.

You could get around the “no registry” problem for the shower by having a themed shower. You can choose wine, kitchen, time of day, lingerie etc, where most gifts are not chosen off the registry.

Post # 6
3633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

In our area, people who have both showers and weddings get two gifts. In fact, it wasn’t until I got to the Bee that I found out that people gift only one gift even if they attended the shower. It’s common in our area to gift a boxed gift for the shower that is a more frivolous item (e.g. picture frame, vase, etc.) from the registry and then either a more utiliarian gift (e.g. pots and pans, appliances) or cash for the wedding. If you genuinely didn’t want to give two gifts, then you would simply decline to attend the shower. I don’t think it’s a good idea to get cash at the shower because a shower is typically about showering the bride with gifts and opening the gifts is an expected ritual. That said, I’ve seen cash given at showers before, but usually by very close family members or friends, e.g. MOG, and it’s usually for a specific purpose, e.g. they covered the cost of the honeymoon. In our circle, it’s not polite to ask for cash gifts specifically for the wedding. HOWEVER, I do know it’s common in some circles/culture/countries so if that is the norm in your area, then it’s okay. Generally speaking thought, it’s usually frowned upon. I would still do a small registry and if anyone asks, then tell the guests that they have a small place or that they’re moving or that they’re looking forward to buying a house and is saving up for xyz.

Post # 7
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Guests at the shower would likely buy gifts from the registry so I don’t see how having a shower would mean she wouldn’t get the gifts she wanted.  

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