Post # 1
ok so you all know the drill, I am not using my user name because I dont want anyone I know seeing this
It all started last week, we were looking at houses to get an idea of prices in the area for when we move and during this I found one I fell in love with. Now I knew it wouldnt still be there when we were ready to buy but I still loved it so I was sad when I decided to have another look at it last week.Ok fine I was sad but no big deal I would get over it
fast forward a couple of days and I am out with SO when we run into an acquaintance of his who called me So’s wife (rubbing salt into the wound of a wait girl) ok no big deal again I let this go even though it annoyed me
the next day I find out one of my younger friends is engaged now I was happy for her on the outside and never let my feelings about myself show. Even with this I was going to just let it go and move on
Now this is where I reach my breaking point! The next day we go to So’s parents for a visit and during this visit his mother calls me fat (not outright but in a roundabout way) sdo on the car ride home I am upset trying to hold back tears so So doesnt see after an hour of not saying anything I told him I was pissed and hurt and that some things you just dont say, he offered to say something to her but I said no just let it go
the next day (yesterday) I wake up still upset and not feeling very good about myself. SO and I had not been intimate for about 2 weeks so that was not helping my self esteem so later in the day when I try to start something and he just isnt into it. I ask why and find out that he decided to take care of it himself before I woke up, Now I am not stupid I know guys do that and its fine but I was so upset its one thing to do it when your alone but when I am in the next room and you could have come to me first. I lost it and slept in another room and just cried. Of course he doesnt get why I am upset even though I told him how all of this made me feel. I am dreading him coming home because I just dont even want to deal with him right now, I am hurt and upset and dont know how to deal, help bees any advice? feel free to tell me I am being crazy I already feel that way but I cant help it
Post # 3
Awwww! You poor thing. I’m so sorry that you are going through that. NO ONE should ever say anything about someone elses weight! Whether they are fat or not, that’s beside the point. It’s just plain rude.
And SO “taking care of himself” before you woke up…I know this is totally about personal preference, but I just don’t like the idea of my FI doing that at all. To know that he can do the same thing to himself that I can totally makes me self conscious.
You’re not crazy, but I’m afraid, besides sympathizing with you, I don’t know any advice to tell you besides it will all work out and talk it out with your SO.
Post # 4
NOT crazy at all! the nerve of your FMIL! And if he had to do “tthat”, he could have lied and said he had a headache. I’m sorry you’re upset but you have every right!
Post # 5
thanks ladies, it nice to know that my feelings are vaild. I didnt say much to him this morning before he left because I couldnt I didnt know what to say. I told him last night I was upset and of course he just didnt get it.
I am not thrilled that he does that for the same reason as June162012 said but I know it happens, its just the day after his mother called me fat. I cant even look at myself in the mirror right now. Another thing I should have added in my OP years ago I dealt with an eating disorder and ever since then I have worked so hard to get past it and now I am having the same thoughts I used to have (havent eaten today) I just cant bring myself to everytime I go into the kitchen I think “I am so fat that other people are saying and my own BF would rather take care of himself then sleep with his fat ugly girlfriend” I should just leave and not be here when he gets home. I would go out if I didnt look like a mess from so little sleep and crying
Post # 6
Your feelings are valid (of course you know that. That’s number one. Number two, he offered to say something to his Mom. Have him say something to his Mom. Now. Pronto. I’m so sorry you’re going through this!
Post # 7
I have a similar situation that happend with my FI. I was alseep in the room after a long night of friends being over and i randomnly woke up out of my sleep and noticed he was not in the bed with me. I went into the living room and peaked around the corner expecting to see him watching tv.
Nope. he was fully naked with his laptop in front of him. Doing…well you can guess. I was so upset. I cried about it for 2 days straight. I felt so ugly and disgusting and he didnt offer any help. I asked him why he would not just come wake me up or come to me for that, but he just shrugged his shoulders.
It still hurts me alot to this day.
Then the other day a guy came up to me at the mall just to tell me how fat i was. He stopped me and kept saying excuse me , excuse me trying to get my attention. Then he said that my butt was too big. For no reason at all, he had to take time out of his life to tell me that.
It hurt like hell, but you know what, people are mean and horrible and families are horrible. But if you are a good person in your heart and you care about people, then that is all you need,
I am going to be healthy for me, and no one else. Thats the important thing to remember. Dont let the ugly comments of others ever bring you down because you deserve to have an amazing life.
Post # 8
Sorry about everything. I know the waiting game is so tough. I remember those days. But it will happen before you know it.
As for your FMIL, well she can suck it. No one should ever comment on somebody’s weight, unless it is actually physically life threatening, in which case I would assume a doctor would say something. So that is uncalled for, no matter hoe skinny, or how fat you are. Like what the fuck is wrong with that woman?
And as for you boyfriend masterbating, well… Maybe I’m alone on this, but it’s his body, and if he want’s to please himself he should be allowed to without feeling guilty. We are taught from a young age ( lots of us, not all) that masterbation is ok, why the heck should he stop now? You were sleeping! I can see if you were awake, and asked to get it on, and he’s like, ” Umm actually I was going to go jerk off, I’ll take a rain check..” But he didn’t. He woke up horny, you were sleeping, so he masterbated. He should not have to apologize for that, in my opinion.
As for the guy in the mall. I would have seriously torn him apart, about his character. I’m betting it was a dare, or a lame ass pick up line though. But seriously what an asshole.