Weeping sad and lonely *huge rant*

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MadsTheGallifreyan:  Your FI wasn’t drafted or something, so the war song doesn’t really make sense. He’s there out of his own free will. I’m sure it’s hard but why do you need to talk to everyone about it? Just don’t talk about it if you don’t like how people are responding.

Post # 5
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MadsTheGallifreyan:  Are you feeling suicidal because you’re in a long distance relationship? If so, you should probably go talk to a counsellor or therapist ASAP. It’s not normal to feel that way about an LDR… lots of people do them without their lives falling apart so maybe you have an underlying issue like depression or something.

A fact of life is that when you grow up not everyone can care about your problems. You and your SO agreed to this situation and if it’s making you feel this terrible maybe you should take a break from the relationship and reassess when he returns.

Post # 6
920 posts
Busy bee

@MadsTheGallifreyan:  this is alot…OK here it goes.

although he is not in the military/armed forces etc. I get why you would choose this song to express yourself, however, some wives/families of those in military may choose to take offense just because they feel like you are misappropriating the song. Im sorry that he is over there, but he has chosen this path and knows the risks involved. there is nothing that you canreally do but pray (if you pray) or just send good energy and have faith things will work out and he will return home.

this is obviously something he strongly believes in or he would not be in Brazil. and the world cup is going to be huge, My SO is a crazy soccer fan, we would have gone had we had the finances.. and its going to draw alot of crowds and inevitably crime, but Brazil is stepping up their security as they prepare to  host the Olympic games as well.. so hopefully that helps.

I would also shy away from talking about it with your friends if they dont care. Why not try and find some type of support group, there are groups out there you just have to look. you probably will end up in some military wives group as that is probably the closest aligned to your situation, but I would make it known that your spouse isnt in the military when you go, however, Im sure that will be a great help for you and give you some support and a better outlet..

as far as your reply to the PP…if you are depressed, then you should seek serious help and not let it manifest because being that you have essentially no support from your friends or mother, you feel alone. Maybe you should consider therapy, that should give you an objective third party to talk with that is trained to deal with these type of things.

I hope it works out and he returns home safely. Best of luck to you and yours OP.

ETA: Im in a “LDR” however my spouse and I are only 2.5 hours apart driving distance, and it sucks. no where near as bad as your situation ( we attend different colleges, he stayed in state, I chose to go out of state) so its normal to feel sad, alone etc… but like a PP said, the minute that turns into serious depression to the point you feel like you have to call a suicide hotline, then you need to seek outside help. 

Post # 7
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MadsTheGallifreyan:  First of all – it sucks being in an LDR, even more so when one of you is in a dangerous situation – by choice or not.  It’s unfortuante that those closest to you aren’t more sympathetic to your situation but I have a few thoughts as to why that might be.

I don’t know anything about what protests your FI is involved in, I know even less about the politics.

People do tend to have less sympathy for those involved in political ‘wars’ instead of military wars.  What your FI is involved in, he is involved in by choice and he could leave at any time.  While many soldiers enlist by choice, they cannot just decide to go home.

Because he is involved in events that are quite far from you, I wonder how many people close to you really understand what he’s doing.  Perhaps they disagree with the politics and that’s why they’re not sympathetic.

I would refrain from making references/comparisons to military wives/families as those are not taken kindly.  Those in the military take that very seriously and aren’t kind to those who ‘pretend’.  Your FI sounds more like a ‘freedom fighter’ or political activist and they are often considered to be radical and dangerous – again, perhaps why you’re getting the backlash.

I am sorry you have to deal with this, and I hope your FI returns to you safe and sound very soon 🙂

Post # 8
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

Being worried about your FI does not mean you are being disrespectful to the military.  Nor does it mean that your worries are to be belittled.

There are many people who are soldiers of a different sort, for instance those who fight against injustice, which I suspect is what your FI is doing.

If more people fought against injustice, wherever it occurs, there would be fewer conflicts in the world and a reduced need for the military and maybe those in the military would have a safer life.

And anyhow how nice to have a man with morals and principles.

Of course, the thing is not to spend all your time worrying or to spend all your time telling people about your worries.  (You probably don’t do this but I’m writing this just in case you do).  You’ll just have to keep telling yourself that worrying doesn’t change anything and you’ll have to keep yourself occupied.

I wish you both of you good luck.


Post # 10
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MadsTheGallifreyan:  you say that he is involved in the protests.  is this his job that puts him in danger?  does he get paid for this?  or is this voluntary?

Post # 12
22125 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m so sorry that you and your FI are in this situation right now. You are of course allowed to be worried about him. I know how difficult it is to be away from the person you love, and I can’t even imagine how much that is compounded when you know he’s in danger.

Just as you’re sensitive to your situation and the danger your FI is in, everyone else has their own set of circumstances that they are sensitive to and that are near and dear to their hearts. It can be difficult for us all to understand one another’s struggles, but even if we don’t understand, we can try to be there for each other. 🙂

I hope you can find someone to talk to. You mentioned that you already have some mental-health issues that you deal with. Do you have a therapist or a counselor or someone trusted to whom you could turn?

Wishing you and your FI safety, health and happiness. How long will he be there?

Post # 14
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I know a bit of what is going on in Brazil right now, and I think you have every right to be worried.  Being invovled in the humanitarian protests over there is the same as going to any hot spot on a humanitarian mission, like the Peace Corps or Doctors Without Borders.  There is the possiblity he won’t come back, and that is scary.  I think a lot of people don’t understand it’s not just the military that puts themselves in harms way.  There are a lot of diplomats, civil servants, and humanitarians that put themselves in just as much danger as the military.  Maybe even more, because the military has guns and a certain amount of respect from those guns.  Humanitarians are not usually armed, and are often in more danger. People also don’t understand that humantarians for various reasons can’t just pick up and go, weather it is a contract, or the expense to the mission they are on.    

If your friends aren’t receptive to how scary it is, I really suggest finding a councilor, or asking a group that do humanitarian aid if they have resources for family members.  Even if he isn’t working with them, a lot of humanitarian groups see other humanitarian groups as “family” and will offer support.  If there isn’t anything locally like that, look at setting up something like it.  Maybe your FI knows other people who have family in your area who you can get together with to talk and voice your concerns. 

Post # 15
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

typically people arent paid to be involved in protests… they do it on their own free will…. so i can see where your family and friends hostility comes from… i dont have much sympathy for protesters…

being autistic doesnt change anything and most definitely isnt an excuse for someone wanting to be a protestor

Post # 16
1843 posts
Buzzing bee

@MadsTheGallifreyan:  I am in a relationship where long distance is a big part. I can understand we face challenges other relationships don’t and that it can be hard to be worried about what’s going on in the other side of the world with our significant others. However, every single relationship has to deal with challenges. Ours are just a bit different. 


You just mentioned you both are autistic so you definitely have extra challenges on your hands and maybe it is even harder on you to be so worried about one of the few people you can connect with? 


As for the military thing, well I’ll just say some people are too sensitive. And military families can be mortified by someone making the smallest comparison to a soldier. I come from a military family and we’ve been lucky to not have any of our loved ones wounded or dead while in combat. That being said, I am a US citizen by birth just as everyone in this island because we are a US territory. But I’ll say this. From this side of the world and from the comfy house in a “safe” country it is very easy to judge what’s going on in other countries without knowing anything about their struggles. 


I have no knowledge of your guy’s situation and why he is fighting. But one thing I know is sometimes, especially in our developing Latin countries, the only way to make change happen is by protesting And bringing the issues to the public light that gets the world’s attention and media coverage. Those who do not face such security, poverty, violence and corruption challenges in their countries will never understand.


At the end of the day, even most military wars have a big political component. Don’t waste your time with people that you might consider your close friends but are not being supportive to you. 


And please get help ASAP if you feel suicidal. That is not good and not normal even when you are facing extra challenges. Take care and I hope your guy is safe at the end of it all.


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