- 3 years ago
Okay, so, some history…
Since grade school, I’ve been a little chubbier than most. As years went on, weight creeped on little by little. It wasn’t out of control, but it was noticable. By the end of high school, I’d had enough of being the heaviest person among my friends (5’2″ and 160 pounds) so I went to a diet clinic (local) and went on a very strict meal plan. I lost about 25 pounds and felt great. Unfortunately, this new found happiness with my weight led me to start slipping — “I’m doing so awesome! I can treat myself to a slice of cake here and there” — which resulted in a plateau, though thankfully not a gain, and I eventually quit the diet.
Years went by and the weight very slowly started to creep on again — which I greatly attribute to my emotional eating being triggered by a very unhappy relationship — until I found myself at a whooping 198 pounds, which is terrifying for my height. I kicked myself in the ass, found the strength to leave that horrible relationship, and once again focused on weight loss. Similar to before, I went to a diet clinic (this one different than before) and once again took up a very strict meal plan that slightly differed from the first. I went on to lose 48 pounds. Once again, I became happy and eased up on the diet. This time, however, I managed to maintain my weight without issue for about 10 months. It was then that I experience a particularly painful break up and returned to emotional eating. Since then, I have put on 25 pounds and find myself at an uncomfortable 175.
I can’t do this again. I need to stop the weight gain before it gets back to where it once was, and more than that I need to shed the pounds. This time I want to do it right, though. I want permanence, and I want to finally hit my target rather than becoming satisfied and giving up. In the past, all I did was diet, and diet unrealistically. I didn’t exercise because I hate it. Everything about it is unpleasant; I hate the activities themselves, I hate being unable to do them, and I hate the sweaty discomfort after doing exercise. But unfortunately, no one can 100% cut carbs and sugar forever, and maticulously weigh every meal. It is just too much. I need to make a full change beyond on and off dieting, and I think that means I need to actually live a healthy, balanced lifestyle that includes that most horrid of tortures.
I want to get to 110 pounds (maybe not that low; I’m not sure since I’ve never weighed close to that). And after I get there, I want to eat right without depriving myself of everything to the point where I go crazy and binge. I want to somehow ease my uncoordinated, clumsy, and out of shape body into exercise. I want to get fit and have that flat tummy. But the problem is I don’t know how I am supposed to eat for weight loss outside of those incredibly strict diets, and I don’t know how to get started with exercise. I know I could get a personal trainer, but that is money I don’t have to spend. I also don’t want to go to the gym and just try to “pick it up” because I am so self concious about looking like an idiot, and I don’t want that horrible feeling that I know I will inevitably get if I try to ask an employee what to do. You can say neither employees nor other gym goers will be judging or whatever, but I just can’t shake those self concious feelings. I need to do this on my own.
Please help; how do I start losing weight the right way?