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okqueenbee posted a similar post yesterday. Check it out :)
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/why-do-we-want-to-lose-weight-so-badly-to-be-happier
For me it's about looking and feeling my best on my big day. All you have back to look upon is your pictures and your memories and I want to look confident in my pictures. It has nothing to do with losing weight because that's what people say you should do, i personally feel more confident whenI have been exercising, which also happens to be a way to reduce stress for me,
I think in a world where models are size 0 and fashion is at it's height there's no wonder why brides are pressured to loose weight for their big day. Peer pressure is a very strong thing and we're all subconciously trained to think that celebrities are perfection and therefore we must emulate them and so people go to extreme lengths to do that - whether that be to lose weight or to have plastic surgery. We're so obsessed with the "perfect" woman that everyone seems to neglect that fact that we're all healthy and happy and really what more can you ask for?
Living in the UK where we've been labelled as the fattest country in Europe you tend to see this a lot. Everywhere you're being told about the latest diet and the newest fad on how to look good. I think so long as you're happy and your health isn't in danger then who cares what other people think?
Good on you for not giving in! Personally I want to tone up my arms and legs but only because they're going to be on display and I like working out!
My issue with the whole industry is that I feel there are two ends of the spectrum: the dangerously obese, and the dangerously thin. On one hand, our culture promotes obesity. We advocate unhealthy eating, huge buckets of buttered down popcorn at movies, drive-thrus, lack of fitness, etc. But on the other hand, we get slammed with media images of girls (and guys) who are photoshopped to weights that aren't even physically possible/healthy. Even thin celebrities get altered to look pounds lighter, so our sense of what's "thin" or "healthy" is totally skewed.
It's so hard to find a balance that doesn't promote one of these ways of thinking. It's not okay to just be complacent with being overweight and out of shape, but healthy isn't the same as stick thin. I see family members who are okay with being obese because they can run a mile - but that doesn't mean that they're healthy inside. On the flip side, I see girls that think it's okay to eat 500 calories a day to lose weight.
It's really too bad that our society doesn't preach more to health and fitness instead of "thin" or "fat" - and that we don't make understanding nutrition and health more of a priority.
I agree with you. I see a lot of posting on here of people bitching about their thighs and bellies when there is nothing to bitch about. The insecurities are amazing. Sometimes I feel down on myself after looking through a magazine or watching TV but I try to not let it get to me and just stay focused.
I myself was slightly overweight so I decided I wanted to be healthy and have been going to the gym for the past 3 months. I am not looking to lose weight just to please my FI but I want to be strong and healthy and enjoy a very long life with him.
FH and I are working out together because we love each other and a wedding is a good reason for a goal. He does my silly dvd workouts and I spot him on the weights he picked up at a garage sale. I am loving this part of the wedding "planning". I really love when we do Taebo and he talks along "6 and 7 and 8 GET AMPED!". It's honestly some of the only time we really get to spend together not multitasking other things. We used the wedding as an excuse.
That said you are completely right. Outside of health reasons, it pisses me right off when our culture tells us we "have" to do something - like obsess over our weight for a wedding. You asked why? I'll tell you what I have seen of the world/my opinion - it boils down to money. They make a lot of it telling people what they should do, gambling on our emotions as they focus on profit. Thus is the way of the business world, and it has a right to do so. Being smarter than the psychologist that consults with the marketing team that creates this situation is, in my opinion, the best you can do.
I think that everyone wants to look good for their wedding day- and for some that means being skinnier. And you are going to look at these pictures for the rest of our lives, so i think it is smart to want to be toned, not neccessarily stick thin, but at a healthy weight that you won't look back and say-- "jeez, i wish i would've lost those couple pounds, or not eaten all that junk food for a little bit"
In today's world there is ALOT of obesity and overweight people, who aren't living as healty as they should. I think that an adequate measure of your body relative to being in the healthy range is measuring your BMI - (Ex. I'm 5'5" 115lbs = 19.1 BMI -- yeah for a HEALTHY ME)
Everybody try it- it does help to know where you stand, not just for your wedding day, but for your overall health)
http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/
BMI Categories:
well said lilyfaith. to me i have needed to loose this weight for a while and my wedding is a great "deadline". It gives me some motivation (as if my health is not enough).
I agree with you TPholiday. These girls that weight 120lbs and want to loose 15 before their wedding is crazy! its sick. when i think of someone who weighs so little i think of a sick or elderly person. my FI once said "your skinny when you are born, you are skinny when you are sick and you are skinny when you die; why in the world does everyone want to be so skinny"!!??!!!!! but then again my FI is 6'3 and weighs less than me :D
When he said that to me it really stuck. since i met him it is no longer about being a size 6 or weighing 130lbs...its about my health. i currently weigh about 50lbs more than i shoudl and thats a health problem not an image problem. My FI thinks i am perfect and loves me just as i am and does not want me to change a bit but he also wants me to be healthy. if he knew how much i weighed he probably would want me to loose weight but unfortunatly i am ashamed and hide it from him.
I think being thin is just as gross as being obese. My point is not to offend anyone here but i think it needs to be said. Everyone thinks being overweight is so gross....but why is skin and bones not gross? IT IS!! It IS sick.
You have ppl on both spectrums..you have ppl that are proud to be obese and then you have ppl who are proud to be too thin. both are a health issue. but for some reason the media favors skine and bones
I agree- just be who you are- but be healthy a healthy you so you can enjoy being who you are longer :)
Definitely agree with lilyfaith... But I must say that slimming down for the wedding only is easier and of course very temporary. It's much harder to aim for being healthy, because that's an entire lifestyle of changing unhealthy habits.
For alot of gals its a good reason to jump start the health plan for the long run though- much more inventive and after you see the benefits you're much much more likely to continue with that lifestyle.
Personally, I'm trying to lose weight for the wedding because I WANT to, not because someone asked me how much I was planning on losing or because people on TV are thin. It's a matter of how I feel in my body and how I look in clothes and right now I don't like either. It's also, as PPs have mentioned, a health issue. Right now my health is OK, but one needs to break certain habits as one gets older - junk food all the time, lack of exercise, etc. WILL catch up with you. So for me, YES the immediate goal is losing weight for the wedding, but ultimately it's about making a lifestyle change. The wedding is just a good motivator and a catalyst for that because I know I have X amount of time to do it.
Well, obviously I can only speak for myself, but I am not trying to lose weight, I am just trying to tone up. Photos of your wedding will be around forever...my children will look at them...grandchildren, etc. and I want to make sure I look great! It isn't a number on a scale thing...its a matter of feeling good in my own skin I think!
I personally have lost 15 lbs, and my wedding is not until April. I have another 3-5 lbs that I could lose before being at my perfect weight (103--- I am 5 ft).. I would never, ever walk down the aisle at the weight I was.... because it's not the best me I can be... as lame as that might sound. But, seriously, why would you want to give your fiance something that's less than your best on your special day? There is no way I would walk down the aisle knowing that I was a bigger size than what I look & feel my best at... You're going to have those pics forever and your kids and grandkids will see them. If a wedding isn't your motivation to lose weight and be healthy, then you need to do some soul searching.... Personally, I want to be as healthy and good looking as possible as I start my new chapter in life.
Who says my best isn't what I am currently? I have been overweight by the skewed bmi charts my entire adult life. I am pretty muscular and that attributes to my weight differences. What is healthy to and on one person is completely different for another. I am 5'4 and a half and should be about 150 or so (my goal) because i look good at it not because i look fat at it. I am perfectly fine and I am at my best everyday I get up because I am me. I want to look back at my pictures and see me happy grinning toned and muscular not emaciated for trying to live into an ideal or a stereotype that is someone else's.
@cre - the BMI is a horrible measure of actual health. It doesn't take into account muscle or bone structure, so at best it's a rudimentary guess. By BMI standars, pro football players are usually dangerously obese. So don't let it get you down!
There are much better ways to gauge your actual health, but BMI is what most people turn to because it's an easy at-home calculation. What's more important is fat percentage and where it is.
@Lil' Miss Priss-according to that I need t o be, like, 140 pounds. wow. lol.
I think a lot of it has to do with finding a dress. The standard sample size is a 6. The large sample size is a 10. Dress shops don't carry all dresses in the larger sizes, so being a bigger girl limits which dresses you can wear. Add in the fact that many designers don't design dresses for bigger sizes anyway, and it makes it difficult to find a dress that is flattering to a larger shape. I lost 20lbs before my wedding, then ended up buying a dress in my old dress size anyway which I had tailored down to my new size.
I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but a lot of brides want more choices for their dresses, and that means being a smaller size.
As for OTHER people telling/assuming you will lose weight, that's just a rude question in my opinion. It's none of THEIR business!
@lily:yeppers!! when i joined the gym they did this thing where you hold this machine straight out and it gauges your fat percentage. let's just say THAT was the wakeup call not anything else. I was like well umm hell no. I am not "that" person.
@mighty: i didn't have problems trying on dresses at all until i went to the more couture lines. Let's just say Davids and Alfred Angelo had plenty of selection but when I wanted to branch out I found nothing. And it pissed me off so badly that I have decided to go the preowned route. I will put it like this, if they don't make dresses for an average sized person in America to try on, they must not want me in them nor my money for them. And I am probably the happiest with this decision than almost any other one. Now if only the preowned seller would contact me so that I can buy the dress lol!!!
ya know - I will preface this reply by saying that I totally agree with the fact that "if he/she loved you at your highest BEFORE the wedding then he/she should/will love you no matter what if you don't lose weight FOR the wedding". I also agree that society, for the most part IS too obsessed with being thin.
I am someone who IS obsessed with my HEALTH as well as wanting to be thin. I've been a size 20 and I'm currently a size 11/12. I have yo-yo'd SO much and having been at both ends of that spectrum MANY times - and, yes I am def. a bride that was/is ALL about being "thin" on my day.
I agree with the poster that said something about wanting to look your absolute most beautiful on your day - so you can look back on pictures and see the perfect person you expected to be. However - it should NOT just be about ONLY losing for the wedding. I changed my lifestyle over a year ago and VERY PROUDLY eat a low-carb high-fat EXTREMELY HEALTHY whole foods / no junk food / no processed foods diet. I exercise 4 - 5 times a week and the reason I do it is to be a healthy adult. The fact that I am losing weight and look good is obviously important to me as well - but for me - and I do not mean any offense to anyone here - but FOR ME - I don't like being "fat". There I said it, and I have no problem with that. I hated myself at 200 pounds and was NOT happy with myself.
Mr junebride loved me at my highest and obviously now as well - he truly didn't care, but that didn't matter. what mattered is that I cared. I was not happy at that weight or size. I did NOT like how I looked or how I felt.
I didn't change my lifestyle purely because I was getting married though - I did it for health reasons.
So for me, I will "obsess" over my weight for the rest of my life because I know that certain habits make me unhealthy and overweight - which I'm not happy about - but that's my life (as in, my life is centered around constantly watching my weight)...
Now to answer your question about why the world is obsessed with constantly "losing weight for your wedding"...again - I agree as far as should your SO care if you're smaller at your wedding than on the day he/she proposed?...no - it should NOT matter...but for me, weight and health obsession should be more of a daily thing to make sure you're just the healthiest person you can be. This world is just unhealthy as it is and too many diseases run rampant such as heart disease and diabetes. THAT is why I'm obsessed with health. Both my parents are diabetic - I was diagnosed with Insulin Resistance (when I was 200 pounds) and did NOT want to end up like my parents...and - yes, looking perfect on my wedding day IS a factor in my weight obsession as well...but I also still want to be healthy after the wedding as well. Now, here I am at 163 and couldn't be happier!
While i agree that its aweful that wemen have such pressure from so many sources to be skinny, most of us do it because it makes us feel better. Having played sports the majority of my teenage years i had a very athletic body and felt so happy and confident. in college, while i didnt have to work out for a sport i maintained my body even after gaining a couple of pounds. Then i had my daughter, i was at 150ish after having her which was 35-40 more than the heaviest i had ever been. I did manage to lose some of that weight and then stressful work enviroment and bad eating habits took over and here i am..at 156! At the moment i am miserable. I have a hard time finding the right clothes to wear and i am flabby. My stomach is mushy and i can't stand it! It's to the point that i wont even let my man see me naked with the lights on. My breaking point was when i tried to put on my fat jeans and they actually ripped! MY FAT JEANS RIPPED! I know it's not easy, because i have a job and after i come home from work, i have a toddler. So no, sometimes i don't have the time to go work out, and a lot of times i don't have the energy and it is sooo much easier to get something fried and have that for dinner. People criticise my BF because he does not allow junk food in our house and he really makes it a point that we eat healthy. And yes, he still loves me at this size but i would be a fool if i thought he is as attracted as he was when he met the thinner me. And no, it does not make him mean he is just not attracted to heavier girls, just like some heavy men might not like thin girls.
Bottom line is i want to lose weight because i would feel better and i would love to look great for my future husband.
I'm a little paranoid about gaining weight, but definitely not trying to lose. The idea of looking back at wedding pictures and seeing a sharply skinnier version of myself, as opposed to who I am and what I look like creeps me out. Though I've had all sorts of food / body image issues in the past and so staying away from intentional weight loss is pretty much mandatory at this point. (I will add that while the scale is banned from my house or habits, I do intend to continue with my usual habits of regular exercise and healthy eating because they make me feel good, though.)
Also - agreed with the commenters who said BMI is not a very good indicator of healthy size and weight. If you do significant exercise or have a large frame, it can be VERY inaccurate because lean mass is very healthy and very heavy. Two of the skinniest, fittest guys I know are overweight or obese by the BMI chart.
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Almost every day I've been assaulted! Lose 20# in 30 days! Look your best for your wedding! Bridal Bootcamp! Glossy skinny models in dresses that look too heavy for them are flying into my email, my facebook...everywhere!
Why after he/she proposed to you, would you then want to do everything to change your body that he/she fell in love with? They want to spend the rest of their life with you as you are now! There is no condition with the ring. "Marry me, and be my best friend, but you need to lose 20# by the wedding day" And if that was the case, you shouldn't be marrying that loser anyways!
My issue with all this, is that this is a normal thing! It's a Million if not Billion dollar industry that just stresses out all brides! I need to lose (insert weight amount here) I hear it from practically EVERY bride! Why? Because the industry tells you so? Because the dress company naturally asks you how much you are planning on losing when you are fitted for your dress? Why is that a natural thing to ask?? Why add the stress of losing weight and being unhappy and eating carrots and water and working out NONSTOP till your day to the point where you can't even enjoy it!
You look beautiful as is...he/she thought so! Why do we beat each other up and ourselves?
I was a size 12 (my perfect body) when I met Mr. Holiday and 8 years and medical issues and other things I gained weight to the point I'm a size 18 now. He doesn't love me any less and yes I've been trying to lose it for now 2.5 years and everybody asks me "how much are you planning on losing for the wedding"? And, my answer is "none" He loves me for me, he has seen me through all the ups and the downs. The bad and the good. He has seen me on the bathroom floor so sick I'd rather stay there and die and he has seen me so high on life I'm floating.
You should be able to say that as well, especially if you are getting married!
Don't get me wrong, I have my own insecurities! But, I hear/read all these LOVELY ladies that are just talking about their body like it's a disease! Comments about their arms and hips and thighs and feet... cheeks, necks, chins....so many things they just worry over. But think of it this way, he/she is holding onto those hips and arms lovingly. He/she is kissing and nuzzling those cheeks, necks and chins and I can guarantee you he is not thinking.. hmm she needs to tone this up, or says "wow a lot of cottage cheese there, I should let her know that's not ok" No they aren't thinking that at all! So, why should we???
So here is my question.
Why is the world so obsessed with brides losing weight for their wedding day?