(Closed) Weird circumstances leading to possible marriage…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think you should get your kids and you into counseling.  It’s going to be weird to go from calling someone “uncle so and so” to step dad.  I’d then listen to the counselors opinions about the situation… I mean you’re still married.

Post # 4
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee

It’s definitely out of the ordinary, but I also think it could really be the second chance of a lifetime. 

If your pastor, elders, and children all support it, the next step is to see what the rest of your families think. But I say go for it!

Post # 5
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah it’s a little weird but if people in your life that know you both approve it’s probably fine.

Post # 6
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

God has indeed blessed you. I would move forward but I definetely would do premarital counseling. You have a lot of healing to do and talking about it is always good. Sending warm wishes for a lifetime of happiness and peace. You deserve it 😀

Post # 7
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Weird, yes, but not unheard of. It should definitely be done very carefully because it’s a very huge transition for the kids, but it sounds like he’s an amazing guy who has stepped up and taken responsibilities that their dad has neglected. I would get divorced and continue to see how things go and not rush into a new relationship until everything is final, but I think it could turn out for the best.

Post # 8
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry about all your X has put you through. But it sounds like God is working in your life and I think you have an amazing story.

Post # 9
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It concerns me that in your entire post you never use the word “love”.  He almost seems like more of a brother to you.  Are you in love with him?

Post # 10
Member
4328 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@OctBride-2012:  I noticed that as well. OP, please consider that.

Post # 11
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@OctBride-2012:  yeah I was thinking that. Sounds like a marriage of convenience above all else.

Post # 12
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yes this situation is weird. I think you should really think about how your kids would react and tread lightly and go very slowly. After what their father has done I would think they would need a little time, space, and stability before you getting married again, even if it is to their uncle. I think for the older kids it would be a hard transition.

Now that being said you listed all positive things he done to help you with your children, faith, and friendship. Personally I think those things provide a good foundation to explore perhaps having a relationship. I may wrong but it seems to me that this based on the path of least resistance and it’s because of convenience. Both of you deserved to have relationship based on more then that. If you do have ulderlying feelings then ok, if not.

Accept your Brother in laws help, allow him to be a father figure. And when you are healed and ready perhaps persue dating within your faith and place of worship. Remember that one day the kids will be grown up, and if there isn’t a strong emtoional and romantic feelings involved this may be another marriage that fails.

Post # 13
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think if this is what you want to do, you should do it. Your children love him, you have so much in common. As for love, whether or not you’re in love with him isn’t as important as some might have you think. Yeah that may sound weird, but I know of several people from other cultures who entered into arranged marriages and are extremely happy. He seems like a good person and even if you’re not in love with him now, you will probably grow to love him.

So I say if you want it, if your kids want it, if your pastor accepts it…then go for it!

Post # 15
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@OctBride-2012:  Took the words right out of my mouth. Marriage is more than understanding each other and being on the same page with common interest. 

coming from an abusive first marriage I can see the need to settle down into a drama free life. However you need to give yourself and children time to heal. You need to look at why you are rushing into a relationship with someone so quickly and if your rushing because you think you wont find the kind of stability you have now.

I say quickly, because in terms of handling and recovering from abuse, children need alot more than 1 or 2 to get past what they have seen and lived through. All of a sudden they have a new parent who is really their uncle. It could be confusing. I would suggest seeking a family counsellor to determine the best course of action.

Post # 16
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@OctBride-2012:  She didn’t say she loved him. I noticed that too, but I think she could grow to. OP, it’s not unheard of, and you should think long and hard about about what you want, but I think you could build a good life with this man if you take your time and build on that foundation of mutual respect and friendship.

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