- 5 years ago
My STBX left our 8 kids and me (pregnant) (TWICE) after a turbulent and abusive number of years, which culminated in a violent outburst and weeks of hell. After 17 years of marriage, he stole from the family and our church, lied to our whole family, robbed our savings, ruined our finances, and promptly found a nice young girlfriend. He has lost the respect and relationships with the entire family, especially his side.
During the last year before STBX left, his brother moved in with us to recover from major surgery. He ended up maintaining the cars, splitting wood, caring for the animals, and parenting the children by the end of the year as STBX did less and less and less to help at home. It wasn’t a case of BIL pulling his own weight: STBX just napped hisnlife away while BIL did pretty much everything to keep the house and farm running except go off to work. STBX has seen the kids maybe 6 times in 9 months, and calls maybe once a month. He claims he “isn’t cut out for the husband and father thing.”
So now, 6 months after STBX left us, BIL has moved this huge family, set up the farm at our new home, cooks, cleans, changes diapers, prays over and with the kids and me, and continues to be loyal to us, his family. We are super close with his parents and I’m close wih my mom. He is a wonderful, playful and attentive uncle and has eased into the role of disciplinarian with me. The baby isn’t even 2, and he calls his uncle Daddy. He wouldn’t know his own father if he saw him.
We are seriously considering marriage, BIL and I. We have been great friends for 17 years, we have worked together, we get along famously, we agree on most child rearing and home management issues, and we share our faith. Our pastor and church elders support it, and the kids love the idea. His parents would be shocked but probably get used to the idea. My mom already thinks I’m crazy, but likes BIL better than she ever liked STBX.
I know it’s weird, but the foundation of our relationship is our friendship and our faith. We do not have a physical relationship, and we would wait until the wedding night. We have separate rooms and are and will continue to be very appropriate in front of the kids and family. Is this way out there on the weird scale? I’m confident that this man is a loyal-to-the-death man, and he has come through some real personal struggles which I know all about, so I am under no delusion that he is somehow perfect. We get along 96% of the time, and when we fight, it’s heated, but its always over silly stuff and we are both willing to quickly see our part and forgive.
I feel like I’m getting a chance to be known like a best friend, protected like a little sister, and cherished like a precious treasure by someone whom i can respect, trust, honor and adore. I would spend my life with this man in a platonic friendship whether or not we ever marry, but I love the heart he has that would dedicate his life to taking care of the kids and me no matter what.
Crazy? Weird? Second chance of a lifetime? I’m with my family and my kids are happy, loved and cared for. God is good, He just works in mysterious ways, I guess!