(Closed) Weird Ex thoughts/feelings coming up. Not really doubting, but…

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know if you would be feeling this way had you cut off all contact. I think to save what you have if you truly want it you need to let the ex go. I think it is too confusing for you. He is engaged now and so are you. 

As someone who went back to my exes out of confusion I can honestly cry from the mountains that the grass is not always greener. Most of what you are feeling is in your head. It’s the little voice that won’t stop nagging. Cut the voice off and take a step back.

Post # 4
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to cut off all contact.  This has bad idea written all over it.  If you love your FI and want to marry him, this boundary needs to be set ASAP.  It’s clear you still have some kind of feelings for this dude.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sounds like you need to resolve some residual feelings from your previous relationship.  Would it help to write him a letter and never send it?  Sometimes we remember things the way we want to remember them – and not necessarily the way they were.  Are you forgetting the reasons he chose not to commit?  And how devastated you must have been?  

Post # 7
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

I had one of those “passionate” relationships before my boyfriend and honestly we were either pissed at each other or all over each other. It was not a stable relationship. We fought often, we made up, we fought again. 

My relationship with my current boyfriend (almost 3 years) is much more stable. Like you I don’t feel that insane consuming passion for him but I know that this man will be there for me 100% through thick and thin and I bet you can say the same about your FI.

I agree with others that you should cut contact with this guy. He is just making you more confused. I think that often times we mistake that passion and fireworks for true love but those feelings can’t sustain themselves forever.

The fact that this has you thinking that you lost “the love of your life” is enough for me to suggest you cut all contacts. Nothing good will come of continuing to talk to him.

Post # 8
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hopestruck:  Yeah I would just be honest.  I think there is some level of normality to how you’re feeling.  But when you admit you see this guy in person and text him and your emotions are kinda yaya its probably best to just be careful.  I’m not saying you would ever do something, but why set up an already risky environment.

Just tell him you think its best and wish him all the luck you can.  Focus on your wedding – it’s coming up! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee

@hopestruck:  I want to say that you may start to have more heart fluttering feelings in your new relationship once you forget about the ex.

You can just text and say sorry I’m going to be so busy planning my wedding I can’t talk for a while. Guys don’t take things too personally. Also he will be busy planning his own wedding. Block him on FB. Delete his number or change his name on your phone to EX-Guy or EX A**hole…hehe that is what I did to mine.

FWIW I had an ex text me on Valentines day. I deleted it immediately. Some people just need to have drama. I take it as a compliment that they still try to contact me and then I let it go and I enjoy the man I’m with and live in the present.

Post # 12
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s natural to wonder what would have been, but try not to let it eat you up. Don’t keep him in your life, it’s just going to confuse you. You’re better off focusing on your awesome FH and awesome life you have now, without him. He had his chance.

Post # 14
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee

@hopestruck:  Let me clarify. You need to go NC..No Contact. Not just a few ignored texts now and then. Cut him off completely. He will still try to contact you and may try even more once you ignore him but you must be diligent and stick to NC.

If you are serious about your future with your new guy you need to get rid of the old influence. I’ve been with this same type of guy many times. You cannot give them any attention or they run with it. 

Post # 15
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@hopestruck:  I think it’s natural so close to your wedding day to start wondering if maybe you made the right choice and seeing him propose to her after such a short period of time (relative to how long you guys dated) might make you wonder as well.

The thing is that books, TV and movies make it seem like your relationship has to be this all-consuming passion, this love story where you both turn to goo in each other’s presence but that’s not realistic. What truly makes a strong relationship is a great bond, good communication and friendship.

My relationship with my ex (and I bet you can relate to this) was draining emotionally, I never knew when we would fight next and towards the end I felt like we were fighting non-stop.

Bottom line I don’t think there is anything wrong with wondering but I would try to remember why you and your ex broke up and why the man you are going to marry is a much better fit for you.

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