- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Wondering if I could get a little bit of feedback here on some jumbly, icky thoughts and feelings that I have been experiencing lately. This is a bit of a read, so I apologize in advance, but I really feel like I need to get this off my chest.
FI and I got engaged last summer after dating for about 2.5 years and about 1.5 years living together. We get along GREAT and I can say without a doubt that he is my best friend. He’s the kind of guy who I do enjoy spending every day with and who I know will make a wonderful husband, partner, father, etc. Our relationship grew out of a friendship, and while I experienced a very short phase of “the butterflies” and “infatuation”, I wouldn’t exactly say ours is the most passionate of relationships. My main point of comparison is a relationship I was in before I met my FI.
I was in this previous relationship with a guy for about 4.5 years. We were pretty serious, and it was a very “passionate” relationship. We got to the point where you either break up or get married. I was ready to get married. He had even bought me a huge “promise ring”, so I was expecting it to happen. But, he broke up with me. There were definitely some major problems in the relationship, so I did agree that it was for the best, but it was still an extremely difficult thing to go through. I loved this guy like I had never loved anyone before. I was devastated for a couple of years. It took me a while to move past it, and I cut off contact with him for about 3 years while I worked out my feelings. Since then we’ve been in occasional contact. We’re Facebook friends, and we’ve gone for coffee/lunch a few times (90% of the time his initiation). We get along great and I think the feeling is mutual that we’re glad to be on good terms.
Anyway, fast forward to now. FI and I get engaged last summer. All is good. Ex has a new girlfriend in his life and that seems to be going well, so I’m happy for him. Then, about 4 months after we got engaged, I see on Facebook that Ex has just proposed to his new girlfriend (I’m guessing they’ve been together for only ahout a year). It was the weirdest thing, but my heart totally sunk. I felt almost sick. I sent him a quick text a few days later to say “congratulations” and he immediately wrote back: “Thanks. Just look at us, hey!” (which I personally found kind of weird.).
Since the time he got engaged I’d say I’ve heard more from him (usually via text) than I have in the past 2 years. And it’s really throwing me for a loop. I love FI very much, but I do think frequently about Ex and how I might have felt differently had he proposed to me instead. As I said, FI and I have never had that crazy passionate kind of relationship that I had with my Ex. I feel horrible saying this, but I do wonder sometimes if my Ex was the “love of my life”. What FI and I have is stable, consistent, reliable, trustworthy, respectful, and based upon a very strong foundation of friendship (which to me are what marriage *should* be about). But it’s just not as “heart fluttering” as my old relationship was, and it’s pushing my mind into places I don’t really like going.
Ugh. I don’t know what I’m asking, except for maybe some thoughts or insights.