(Closed) Weird feelings, mixed emotions about long term boyfriend

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

it could be a phase. did something happen to trigger these kinds of feelings for you? maybe you just need to sort of “jazz up” your relationship. maybe you don’t feel that excited feeling because there’s nothin exciting going on. just a thought.

my boyfriend and i have been together for 9 years. we hit a rough patch in our 4th year together too. it was mainly a “me” issue. long story short, i guess i kinda knew ours was for the long haul so i sort of panicked. this was a deciding factor for me to take the offer for a semester abroad. it was then i realized that i was just being crazy and it would be stupid to mess up what we have. fast forward to now, we’re still going strong and are happily engaged. 🙂

Post # 4
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@KaylieJordan14:  Hmmm…without knowing you personally, or your relationship I cannot say if it is normal, bc ‘normal’ is different in every relationship.  I would say that perhaps you are now out of the honeymoon phase, but then I read you have been together 4 years.  SO, either you had a LONG honeymoon phase, and are now entering the next one, which makes some of things that used to make your stomach flip, not flip so much.  Or, you are just in a rut even, which I think can be completely normal depending on your hormones, his hormones, etc. 

There are some days where seeing my SO, or when he touches me, cuddles me, etc makes me swoon, and there are other days where I just want to be ‘left alone’ too.  It does not mean I am falling out of love with him, by any means!!

I would say if this continues on for a long period of time, there MAY be an issue, but you should communicate that with your Boyfriend or Best Friend.  Maybe he is feeling it too, and maybe that tension is causing more/unneeded tension bc no one has a said a word?!  Maybe it DOES mean that you two need to set aside time for more intimacy, or whatever…regardless, I think you are NOT abnormal 🙂  Relationships ebb and flow 🙂

Post # 5
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’ve been through this phase, too. We’re together since nearly 5 years. And sometimes in our relationship I asked myself the same things as you do. I talked to my best friend and she said (and I thinks she’s right) that the feeling of giddiness and butterflies fades but the feeling of trust and togetherness grows instead. You have to ask yourself if you could imagine a life without him. For me it helped to imagine our life together, how it would be to marry him, have kids together, a house. And there was this feeling that he is the one I wanna grow old with. I don’t think that you have to have 24/7 butterflies to love somebody. Perhaps you two should do something romantic? Experience something new together, a weekend off, a short trip somewhere where you can only concentrate on you both? I don’t know if I could help you but hope that you’re getting better sooner or later!

Post # 6
1 posts

hii, I need some serious help, my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are living together for a year now and lately he had contact with an ex that he really hurt and he feels guilty about what he did to her.

yesterday i’ve find a message on he’s phone that the ex says Love You.I confronted him and he told me that he has been had contact with her for 3 months now and that nothing happend.

i spoke to the ex and she also told me nothing happend, but now he have this mix feeling.he don’t know if he loves me ore still loves her, what the ex told me is that when they talk he always says he feelis guilty for not had defending her in the past.what he is doing for me he never did for he’s ex ..like defending me and stuff.

i realy realy do love him, we are still together but with this tenshon between. i planned to move to my appartment for 2 days just to give us space but looks like he don’t whant to.

don’t know what to do it hurts so much !! help me pleaseeeee

Post # 7
594 posts
Busy bee

MissFrans 75:  I would leave if after living together my boyfriend doesn’t know whether or not he loves me or an ex. Especially if they are still exchanging “love yous”  it doesn’t matter if “nothing happened” between them. And I’m sorry to say that he obviously still has some strong feelings if he’s harboring guilt for not defending her for something. 

It would absolutlely 100% be a deal breaker for me and I wouldn’t wait around until he decides that he wants to get back with an ex and then leave me. Fuck that. 

Post # 8
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

MissFrans 75:  I think you’ll get better replies if you start a new thread and post your concerns there. 

KaylieJordan14:  I suggest you read 10 things I wish I’d known before we got married by Gary Chapman. He’s also a Christian so a lot of his advice has that focus which you’ll be able to relate to, and he goes into an in-depth explanation of what’s going on with you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend and what to do. 

Post # 9
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

How old are you?


I just ask because this might be more of a growing up thing.  It’s normal to have butterflies and feel  all that during the “honeymoon” phase of your relationship, but eventually that sort of takes a back seat to the more mundane things daily life brings.

Give yourself some time, too.  I find that around a certain time of the month, I tend to feel very strongly one way — then in a week, I’ll feel another.  Just ride it out.  Find some family or friends to confide in, and be gentle with yourself.  It doesn’t sound like you’re “losing” him – it just sounds like real life is getting in the way.  Plan a date night. 

Post # 10
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

The original post is from 3 years ago…

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