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send her another message saying sorry, but you didn't have your phone on you that weekend so you didn't see her text. write a new thank you, and tell her you wish she had been there and hope to do something soon.
I say send a thank you note. But I also think you need to talk to her about her behavior. She was there and she didn't come to your wedding! She didn't travel across the country to visit with an old friend. SHE CAME TO BE A GUEST AT YOUR WEDDING; A GUEST THAT YOU PAID FOR! WTF! Who does that!
write the thank you note, send it, and then let her contact you. If she makes no attempt then she has made her decision.
I would just write a very basic thank you note, "Dear Friend, Thank you very much for sending us XXX. Darling Husband and I can't wait to use it."
She doesnt sound like a great friend so its not worth stirring up or getting upset about. Send the note, enjoy the gift, and don't bother with her anymore.
just make it clear and simple. Thanks for the gift, too bad you couldn't come. That's it. I have few friends like that who are the only ones who create such drama!! crazies! be the bigger person
@caszos: agreed. I'd do the same. Write a perfunctory note thanking her for the gift and don't mention the wedding.
For thank you's that I didn't want to send myself, I gave it to my husband to write. I did that because at the time, I didn't think I could write anything nice. He wrote a generic thank you note.
Why burn a bridge when you don't have to? You may never be great friends after her actions but I would just write a simple thank you note for the gift. At least then if you never hear from her again you know you were graicious and kind and behaved well. You don't have to mention anything in your note about the wedding as caszos suggested. Don't let it be a big deal, she choose to not come but I bet you had a fantastic wedding that she missed.
She was very rude to try to finagle an uninvited +1 and then just not show up. Not to mention telling you she felt she needed to "choose" between you and someone else and then choose the someone else!
That said, you do have two options. If you'd like to sever the friendship, then you can return her gift with no note. Returning someone's gift is a very dramaticc, pointed gesture so be sure that's what you really want to do.
If you don't, then write a gracious note merely thanking her for the gift and don't mention that she didn't attend the wedding. That would be rude of you and you want to take the high road here.
Good luck and please provide an update.
Um, wasnt she flying in for your wedding? she pulled this friend out of her ass at the last second, and all of a sudden that friend is more important than the wedding she flew in for? She sounds like a loose canon. I would have a conversation with her about it- dont even worry so much about how to handle the gift. Call and ask her how she feels, tell her how you feel, and depending on how the convo goes, you'll know how to handle the gift situation.
@lisa105:Why is it rude for her to mention the lack of attendance. I think she has every right to do so.
@caszos: That is exactly what I would. Straight to the point, no other words needed.
@heather25: Because a thank you card isn't the place for that....
@heather25: In thoery, I sort of agree with you but technically, its rude to point out other's rudeness. Also, the "friend" knows what she did - I say let the OP remain gracious and let the bad guest stew in her own rudness.
@TinyTina:I wasn't contemplating putting a question in the thank you. I think she needs to have a discussion with her "friend" about the behavior.
I think you should call her first. Your thank you note isn't the place to sort out this issue. Get her on the phone and get an explanation out of her. What she did was waaaay out of line. If she makes amends and you wish to continue your relationship then accept the gift and send a thank you note. If she stands by her actions... then you can feel free to return the gift with a note explaining yourself. I was in a similar situation with one of my husband's friends. He decided last minute not to come and flat out said to my husband that he "just didn't feel like driving five hours to be there". We have completely cut contact with this person and don't want to continue any sort of relationship. Many many weeks after the wedding he sent a check. We ripped it up and and I believe my husband texted him to let him know we wouldn't be depositing it.
@heather25: Sorry I realized after I posted that I should have explained myself better.
Both the OP and the guest know what happened here. The guest decided to miss the OP's wedding to catch up with another friend. Totally rude! To mention something like "Sorry you couldn't make it" just seems like a jab to me... We all know she could have made it, said she was going to make it and didn't for her own personal reasons.
OP, I would send her a thanks for the gift and let her make the next move!
I agree- only I think when she calls her she should sort it out then, no note. If the girl does not buckle and apologize, she should just say "ok, well I will be returning the gift you sent, as I do not feel right keeping it under these circumstances" or whatever
I agree that you don't need to include anything in the note about them no-showing. Just "thank you so much for the gift." It's a thank you note for the gift, not necessarily attendance. I would just treat it as you'd treat another gift sent when someone couldn't attend and ignore the hurt feelings for that.
After that, the ball is in her court whether she tries to contact you about it or not. I also think it's a bit BSC that she'd pick "random college friend" over the wedding she flew out there for in the first place.
Good Luck.
Thank you for the great replies. That's why I came here.... :) I wanted to make sure I wasn't doing something rash. I will write a note tonight in the same tone as what
@caszos: suggested. Hopefully it will work out.
I also want to clarify that I didn't mean anything negative by wanting to include "sorry you and your husband were unable to attend" but looking back it seems kind of mean in this situation. I have included something similar with other TYs of people that couldn't attend but sent a gift however it was more along the lines of "we appreciate that you were thinking of us on our special day even though you were unable to attend" kind of thing.
I think you should send the thank you note saying something about how unfortunate it was that she flew all the way into town for your wedding and what a shame that you two didn't get to spend time together and thanking for the gift. Give her a call, she is supposed to be a friend. If you get nowhere then you've done what you can do.
Your friend was extremely rude for not showing up and for the strange comment about choosing between you and her college friend... I can't help but wonder if she's cut because she wasn't a bridesmaid - certainly doesn't excuse her for her behaviour regardless.
I'd send her a polite thank you card for her gift and see how your friendship goes over the next year..
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I have an awkward situation that I could use the help of the hive on.
I was married 2 weeks ago and have a friend that didn't show up to my ceremony OR reception. She lives out of state and traveled across the country to attend... but didn't come the day of. I spoke with her a few days before the wedding date and things seemed fine, except that her husband was unable to get the time off work and she flew into town without him. I submitted my final count to the venue without him included, printed out table cards, and framed my seating chart. The next day she told me that she invited a college friend to be her date instead. I told her that unfortunately, everything was already set and we would really prefer for the +1 not to come. She is originally from our area and knows quite a few people on the guest list so I thought it would be fine. That same day I went home and noticed that I received a gift in the mail from her off our BBB gift registry. I wrote the thank you card that night, and didn't seal it so I could add a memory from the wedding day on it before I sent it out.
Now I don't know what to do because she skipped the wedding. My thank you card doesn't make sense anymore, so I would have to write a new one. I got a text message from her the night before my wedding saying that she felt that she had to choose between me and her college friend and didn't know what other day she would see this girl if it wasn't the same time as my wedding reception, but she would see me at the ceremony. I didn't see it until the day after my wedding because it was during my rehearsal dinner and my mom and MOH were the contact people for everything and I didn't have my phone on me much if at all that whole weekend. She never came to the ceremony or reception. When I saw her message I was pretty sad that she didn't even show up- I was a bridesmaid in her wedding last year but we were not close enough for her to be in mine. I sent her a message back saying "I'm sorry that we didn't see you at the wedding- but I'm not going on a honeymoon right away so hopefully we can meet up before you fly home". She never contacted me before she left, and now I don't know what to do. I tried writing a new thank you note, but it seems really insincere because I'm upset with the whole thing. I can't keep the gift if I don't write a note, but sending the gift back seems extreme. Maybe I should. I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now and I think I'm alright with ending the friendship. My husband wants nothing to do with her- I feel like she is the only person I know that brings this kind of drama. Any suggestions on what I should do?
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