(Closed) weird gift/guest “no-show” situation… help please!

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: What should I do about the gift?
    Keep it & write a TY note including "I'm sorry that you and your husband were unable to attend...." : (40 votes)
    77 %
    Keep it & do not send a note (I don't really want to do this) : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Send it back with no note attached : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Send it back with a note of regret attached : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Other- explain below. : (8 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    send her another message saying sorry, but you didn’t have your phone on you that weekend so you didn’t see her text. write a new thank you, and tell her you wish she had been there and hope to do something soon.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I say send a thank you note.  But I also think you need to talk to her about her behavior.  She was there and she didn’t come to your wedding!  She didn’t travel across the country to visit with an old friend.  SHE CAME TO BE A GUEST AT YOUR WEDDING; A GUEST THAT YOU PAID FOR!  WTF!  Who does that!

    Post # 5
    Member
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    write the thank you note, send it, and then let her contact you. If she makes no attempt then she has made her decision.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I would just write a very basic thank you note, “Dear Friend, Thank you very much for sending us XXX.  Darling Husband and I can’t wait to use it.” 

    She doesnt sound like a great friend so its not worth stirring up or getting upset about.  Send the note, enjoy the gift, and don’t bother with her anymore. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    just make it clear and simple.  Thanks for the gift, too bad you couldn’t come.  That’s it.  I have few friends like that who are the only ones who create such drama!! crazies!  be the bigger person

    Post # 8
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    @caszos: agreed. I’d do the same. Write a perfunctory note thanking her for the gift and don’t mention the wedding. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3871 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    For thank you’s that I didn’t want to send myself, I gave it to my husband to write.  I did that because at the time, I didn’t think I could write anything nice.  He wrote a generic thank you note.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    608 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Why burn a bridge when you don’t have to?  You may never be great friends after her actions but I would just write a simple thank you note for the gift.  At least then if you never hear from her again you know you were graicious and kind and behaved well.  You don’t have to mention anything in your note about the wedding as caszos suggested.  Don’t let it be a big deal, she choose to not come but I bet you had a fantastic wedding that she missed.

    Post # 11
    Member
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    She was very rude to try to finagle an uninvited +1 and then just not show up.  Not to mention telling you she felt she needed to “choose” between you and someone else and then choose the someone else!

    That said, you do have two options.  If you’d like to sever the friendship, then you can return her gift with no note.  Returning someone’s gift is a very dramaticc, pointed gesture so be sure that’s what you really want to do.

    If you don’t, then write a gracious note merely thanking her for the gift and don’t mention that she didn’t attend the wedding.  That would be rude of you and you want to take the high road here. 

    Good luck and please provide an update.

    Post # 12
    Member
    630 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Um, wasnt she flying in for your wedding? she pulled this friend out of her ass at the last second, and all of a sudden that friend is more important than the wedding she flew in for? She sounds like a loose canon. I would have a conversation with her about it- dont even worry so much about how to handle the gift. Call and ask her how she feels, tell her how you feel, and depending on how the convo goes, you’ll know how to handle the gift situation.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @lisa105:Why is it rude for her to mention the lack of attendance.  I think she has every right to do so. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

     

    @caszos: That is exactly what I would. Straight to the point, no other words needed.

    @heather25: Because a thank you card isn’t the place for that….

    Post # 15
    Member
    46141 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Every gift should be acknowledged. Send a simple thank you note for the gift.

    Post # 16
    Member
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @heather25:  In thoery, I sort of agree with you but technically, its rude to point out other’s rudeness.  Also, the “friend” knows what she did – I say let the OP remain gracious and let the bad guest stew in her own rudness. 

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