Weddingbee boards

This seems very, very strange to me. My brother is getting married in one month Thirty days from today. His date has been set for 10 months or so, and it's out of town for me and all my family. I've got to make travel plans, but I kept waiting to hear some details, see a website, get an invitation, etc. So far, nothing. Yes -- I have not gotten an invitation. A month prior to my wedding, I was anxiously awaiting the last replies.

I call my brother every other week or so to see how he's doing, if he needs help, what I need to know about the wedding, and he always tells me to call his fiance. She's a sweet girl, but I've only met her twice, and she hasn't returned any of my messages.I don't think there's any ill will here, so I've tried to turn off the "planner" in me and just relax, but I have to book flight/car/hotel etc and need some info.

The longer I wait to do this, the more nervous I get about trying to talk with them. Actually, I was calling my brother to feel him out and see if the wedding is still on. Right now, I have very real questions I need answered -- like, when should I arrive in town -- can we hang out beforehand? What is the dress? (I hear my dad is wearing a tux!) What time is the ceremony?

How would you approach her -- or, how would you want your FSIL to approach you? When I think about this from my point of view, I wanted to make my event as easy as possible for out of towners and loved it whenever anybody wanted to talk about the wedding.

If you're out there and think you might be my FSIL, please talk to me!!

I would talk to your brother after trying one last time calling his FI. Let him know what's happneing-that she hasn't returned any calls & that you need to book flights & get all this information. Tell him that he has to talk to you and tell you what's going on, don't have him pass you off. I know it's harsh-but if he keeps trying to push you off & she's not calling back, I would threaten to not go to the wedding. That's just me though :)

I would call FSIL one last time and explain in the message that you know she is busy, but you need information about the logistics so you can plan your trip.  Wait 24 hours, then call your brother and explain that FSIL isn't giving you details, you haven't received an invitation, and you don't know where/when things are happening, which is a huge problem because you are traveling.

BTW - I'm a huge planner myself and stuff like this really irritates me.  Its rude not to return calls and its rude not to give your guests (especially family) logistical details about the wedding.  

Also see what your parents know.  Is is possible your brother assumes (incorrectly) that your parents are keeping you in the loop?

Thanks everybody. My parents don't know a lot either. She's told my parents what they're expected to wear, but I don't know if a normal dressy dress is okay for me or if I need a formal gown. I don't want to be over or under dressed.

I know my parents' travel plans, but I also know they'll be busy with other wedding events and I'm not sure if I'm invited or if I can find something else to do. So, I'll call her again after work ... whew!

I would also assume you are invited to everything being a sibling. I know when my brother sent his invites out my SIL asked if she really had to reply because she was obviously going and thought it was weird they got an invitation. Also my neighbor thought it was weird she got an invitation to her son's wedding when he got married. Maybe she just thought you knew you were invited and didn't think it was necessary to send you an invite.

I would call my brother and talk to him. I am helping out my FSIL next month for her wedding and she doens't always get back to me about things so I'll either call me brother myself or get my mom to (mostly get my mom to). Tell him you've tried to contact her and that all you really need to know right now is when to book your trip since you are coming from out of town. Good Luck!

I agree with the others.  Call her, call your brother when they might be together and then he could pass the phone, or try your parents. 

this is bizarre.  I would not let your brother duck your questions again, its a bit ridiculous that he can't give you basic info.

I didn't realize this would pop up again! We talked last night. I have all the details. My FSIL is so laid back she's really letting her hyper mother take charge... she probably has no idea that most invitations go out at least 6-8 weeks before the wedding. But you know what? A girl who wasn't so relaxed would not be a good fit for my brother! 

I feel so bad for her -- she said they just mailed the invitations! There was some kind of a problem getting them, then sending them back, then gluing pages together (she says I'll understand when I see it). Oh well.

I just said something to my mom about this...how your FMIL is only sending them out a month before and that you she should have sent them out 6-8 weeks before. Well my mom said that when she got married it was not the 6-8 weeks but only a month before. She said she remembers her's going out the month before and not sooner. My parents are in their mid-fifties. So maybe your FMIL was thinking of back when she got married and how things were then. Plus if there was difficulties with the invitations that could explain a lot!