Post # 1
This seems very, very strange to me. My brother is getting married in one month Thirty days from today. His date has been set for 10 months or so, and it’s out of town for me and all my family. I’ve got to make travel plans, but I kept waiting to hear some details, see a website, get an invitation, etc. So far, nothing. Yes — I have not gotten an invitation. A month prior to my wedding, I was anxiously awaiting the last replies.
I call my brother every other week or so to see how he’s doing, if he needs help, what I need to know about the wedding, and he always tells me to call his fiance. She’s a sweet girl, but I’ve only met her twice, and she hasn’t returned any of my messages.I don’t think there’s any ill will here, so I’ve tried to turn off the “planner” in me and just relax, but I have to book flight/car/hotel etc and need some info.
The longer I wait to do this, the more nervous I get about trying to talk with them. Actually, I was calling my brother to feel him out and see if the wedding is still on. Right now, I have very real questions I need answered — like, when should I arrive in town — can we hang out beforehand? What is the dress? (I hear my dad is wearing a tux!) What time is the ceremony?
How would you approach her — or, how would you want your FSIL to approach you? When I think about this from my point of view, I wanted to make my event as easy as possible for out of towners and loved it whenever anybody wanted to talk about the wedding.
If you’re out there and think you might be my FSIL, please talk to me!!
Post # 3
Wow that is super weird. Good luck with that.
Post # 4
I’d call and blatantly ask the brother what is going on. That’s totally unfair to the guests.
I’d be ridiculously blunt! “Hey bro….your Fi isn’t returning my calls. I know she is busy, BUT i haven’t received an invitation so I have no idea what’s going on with your wedding which is in 4 weeks. i have to plan! I’m coming into town”. He needs to know this stuff, I mean, really. I’d ask when she is available to talk and honestly, i’d probably do some hounding cuz uh, it’s not really cool to do that to your guests.
Post # 5
Could your parents be any help? Do they know anything? Might be worth checking in with them (you said your Dad’s wearing a tux, so he’s obviously heard something about something, right?). Good luck – it sounds like a difficult position to be in!!
Post # 6
I agree with EJS – talk to your brother and just come right out with your questions. He’s your brother, you should be able to speak openly.
Post # 7
That is a little odd but then again I’m a planner too. I had my website with all the hotel info and maps up as soon as the save-the-dates were sent out! I want to make it easy for guests and no surprises. Some people aren’t wired that way.
So, I too would call him and be direct. Tell him you have a busy schedule and you need to plan accordingly. So if he intends on having you there he needs to give you all of the information. And, while you’re at it, I’d tell him that his fiance hasn’t called you back. I’m sure she’s busy but your the FSIL, you have to at least call back! I understand maybe not sending out a physical invitation since they assume you’re going but you still need information. Hope it gets to ya on time!
Post # 8
I agree that you need to just call your brother and be up front with him. Don’t bother to continue trying to get a hold of his fiance or anything – it’s coming really soon, just ask!
Post # 9
You know, I JUST read a thread from a girl who neglected to send invites to siblings, because she assumed they would know they were invited… is it possible she just overlooked you? Assumed you would be ‘in the loop’ via your parents or brother? I’d check with your brother, asking SPECIFIC questions (and from the start of the conversation – be very direct) or else with Dad/Mom, to find out if invites have gone out, double check you’re invited, and other details (when to arrive, dress, etc.)
Post # 10
This is odd. Try and hit up your parents for the info, but otherwise, keep bugging your brother.
Post # 11
I would talk to your brother after trying one last time calling his FI. Let him know what’s happneing-that she hasn’t returned any calls & that you need to book flights & get all this information. Tell him that he has to talk to you and tell you what’s going on, don’t have him pass you off. I know it’s harsh-but if he keeps trying to push you off & she’s not calling back, I would threaten to not go to the wedding. That’s just me though 🙂
Post # 12
I would call FSIL one last time and explain in the message that you know she is busy, but you need information about the logistics so you can plan your trip. Wait 24 hours, then call your brother and explain that FSIL isn’t giving you details, you haven’t received an invitation, and you don’t know where/when things are happening, which is a huge problem because you are traveling.
BTW – I’m a huge planner myself and stuff like this really irritates me. Its rude not to return calls and its rude not to give your guests (especially family) logistical details about the wedding.
Also see what your parents know. Is is possible your brother assumes (incorrectly) that your parents are keeping you in the loop?
Post # 13
Thanks everybody. My parents don’t know a lot either. She’s told my parents what they’re expected to wear, but I don’t know if a normal dressy dress is okay for me or if I need a formal gown. I don’t want to be over or under dressed.
I know my parents’ travel plans, but I also know they’ll be busy with other wedding events and I’m not sure if I’m invited or if I can find something else to do. So, I’ll call her again after work … whew!
Post # 14
As sister to the groom I think it’s very safe to say you are invited to “wedding events”
Post # 15
I would also assume you are invited to everything being a sibling. I know when my brother sent his invites out my SIL asked if she really had to reply because she was obviously going and thought it was weird they got an invitation. Also my neighbor thought it was weird she got an invitation to her son’s wedding when he got married. Maybe she just thought you knew you were invited and didn’t think it was necessary to send you an invite.
I would call my brother and talk to him. I am helping out my FSIL next month for her wedding and she doens’t always get back to me about things so I’ll either call me brother myself or get my mom to (mostly get my mom to). Tell him you’ve tried to contact her and that all you really need to know right now is when to book your trip since you are coming from out of town. Good Luck!
Post # 16
I agree with the others. Call her, call your brother when they might be together and then he could pass the phone, or try your parents.