Post # 1
I would like to have a jack and jill shower to deflect some of the attention away from me. It’s also a good idea to invite some male friends of mine and female friends of FI. Now the bridesmaids are busy with their jobs and school and I didn’t realize they would be this unavailable…
I don’t expect my mom to plan the whole thing so I offered to help, along with FI. Do you think it’s weird for me having a part in planning the shower? Have you planned your shower and how did you handle the RSVPs?
Post # 3
Hmmm, this is a tough one. A shower is a party that others throw for you. Neither a bride nor her mom should plan a shower, since the point of a shower is to give the bride gifts, so that can come off as greedy. But the reality is that it’s often the mom planning, just kind of behind the scenes, with the bridesmaids fronting the whole operation, and plenty of brides are more interested in spending time with their loved ones than in just getting gifts.
I would, first and foremost, be careful not to take over. It’s up to someone else to decide to throw a shower (not you or your mom) and to decide what kind of party it will be. You can mention that you’d kind of prefer a jack and jill shower, but it’s up to them. If that’s already happened, but those who are supposed to throw the shower have left your mom in the lurch with the planning, then I think it’s ok to pitch in and help. Just limit that help to the "labor" parts – licking envelopes and making salad – not the "management" aspects, and keep it all under wraps.
If your BMs haven’t decided to throw you a shower at all, btw, you can mention how it would mean a lot to you, but I would not decide to throw one yourself.
Post # 4
I agree that you should not throw or host your own shower. However, I think it’s totally fine if your mom does. I think the old traditions that the MOB was not supposed to throw the shower or host it at her house was due to the fact that parents of the bride were traditionally responsible for paying for the wedding, so it wasn’t fare for them to be stuck w/ the shower.
However, nowadays when weddings are frequently funded by the bride & groom or a mix of sources, I think it’s fine for your mom to host the shower and take the RSVPs.
Even though your bridesmaids committed to being there for you during the wedding process, it oftens happens that they can’t drop everything to work on your wedding. You hear a lot on the boards that BMs who’ve either been married or been through many weddings have a better understanding of the process over someone who’s younger and hasn’t been through it.
Have fun at your jack & jill shower. More and more couples are doing the co-ed party. After all, a wedding is about your lives together, so why not celebrate jointly before the wedding, too?
Post # 5
Oh, and I forgot to add, I think it’s totally fine to provide input for your shower. You’re the one who’s going to know all the guests in attendance, so you’d have a good sense of what would make it enjoyable for everyone.
Communicate your ideas well to your mom or whoever ends up hosting the shower, and help out where you can.
Post # 6
Tammy – I don’t think it is so weird to have a part in planning the shower… I sort of am faced with the same dilemma… I have a very very small bridal party (i.e., one bridesmaid and one junior one) and the one friend who offered to plan my shower has been so busy with work and her own stuff that she hasn’t started planning mine…
I considered planning my own shower, but am just not having one after all… I was really sad about it at first but have gotten over it I think…. 🙂
Post # 7
It’ll be hard for me not to make management decision but I appreciate the different viewpoints, esp the point that the shower may seem greedy. I thought about not having a shower but i don’t think I would get over it that easily… it’s the one time in my life!
I understand that BM are busy (1 was a former bride, 1 was a BM, 2 newbies) so i was looking for a casual get-together at a restaurant. I don’t need/want a bachelorette party and i just feel frustrated that they’re giving the excuse that they’re too busy to do this 1 thing for me.
Post # 8
I think if those are the options you have, either plan a shower yourself or go without one, If it is something you really want I see nothing wrong with it, Actually I ended up doing a lot for my own shower because my MOH sucked and well my bridesmaids were busy with work so my grandmother threw one for me and I helped, Sometimes you just have to do it, and your family and friends should unerstand that not everyone has really great friends or bridal parties that want or can throw showers like you would want them too, A lot of people don’t realize how important the little things are until they are in the situation. So by all means if your looking at doing it yourself or not having one at all I would definetly do it. You wouldnt want to look back and regret not having one because you were worried if someone thought you were being greedy.