Post # 1
So, when anything about our budget is mentioned, my FMIL has bluntly stated “yes, we’ll be paying for the rehearsal dinner,” and that’s all. I don’t really expect her to pay for anything more than that, she’s really traditional (and so am I).
My fiance’s brother just got married and they had a barbecue-catered picnic for about 20 people for their rehearsal luncheon. It was nice, but it’s definitely not what I want. I’d like to have my rehearsal dinner at a small, nicer restaurant, where plates are usually around $10-$15 a plate. When I mentioned this to my fiance’s sister, she literally scoffed in amazement. They’re fine financially, so I was a little surprised at the reaction.
Am I being outlandish? Is it indulgent to ask for a sit down dinner? Do I follow suit or do what I’d like? help!
Post # 3
I think that since they’re paying, you should be happy with what you get…just my opinion. You can make suggestions, but do so in a kind way. Even though you think they’re well-off financially, they may not want to spend $15 a plate on a rehearsal dinner.
Post # 4
Talk to you FILs and see what they can afford and what they’d like to do and talk to them about what their budget is. Just because his brother wanted a barbecue rehearsal doesn’t mean that they’ll limit you to that because they may understand that your tastes are different.
Post # 5
I think that if you are willing to pay for your own rehearsel dinner then go for it and have your rehearsel dinner at a resturant, but if you want your FMIL to pay for it then I don’t think you have a say so much in where it will be.
Post # 6
I agree that you can tell them that you would like it to be at a resturant but don’t be suprised if it gets shot down.
Post # 7
I will add that my FBIL had a small SMALL wedding and didn’t even have a rehearsal dinner and while we’re not having one now, we were originally going to and fiance’s parents asked us where we wanted it within reason of a certain price. I don’t know if your FILs are the same way with things like that.
Post # 8
I’d just step back and let her do whatever she wants. You have a lot on your plate planning a wedding. Give up control of the dinner, and I think you will both be happier!
Post # 9
I think I wrongfully had the impression that because it was our wedding, we could pick the rehearsal dinner site. But now that I realize that it’s a gift from them (duh), the FILs obviously get the majority of the say in the site. I’d like for it to be at a restaurant, but it’s in their hands.
Post # 10
I’d put your fiance in charge of dealing with it honestly. Ask him to find out an approximate budget so you can get an idea of what to plan. Your FMIL probably isn’t going to know the addresses and such of who all needs to be invited, so you’ll have to have at least some hand in planning it, and you need to know their vision and budget. But I’d certainly be flexible in your vision to at least meet them in the middle.
Post # 11
You did say that you and your FMIL are traditional. Having said that, tradition is that if the FIL’s are paying , they get to decide what they are paying for.
I would have a talk with her with your FH present. Tell her that you would prefer dinner in a restaurant and ask her if you can help locate a venue that would suit her budget.
Post # 12
My FIL’s are paying for the Rehearsal Dinner. FH and I talked about what we were looking to receive from the Rehearsal Dinner and then when FIL’s came to us to talk about it FH did all the communicating with them. Its worked out great. Is it possible you and your FH chat about what you envision for a Rehearsal Dinner and then your FH can communicate that with FIL’s?
Also, maybe you can learn more about FIL’s budget and go from there…
I don’t necessarily agree with the “they are paying, its their say, be happy with what you get…” mentality. That isn’t a great way to feel about a dinner thats honoring you and FH and I don’t think that is the way your FIL’s would want you to feel.
Post # 13
@eliwhit: Perhaps you can have a discussion, find out what they are willing to pay per person and then very tactfully ask if they’d mind if you pitched in so you can have it where you want it..that is if you can afford to pitch in….
Post # 14
My inlaws gave me a choice for our rd. A big party at their house (which is obviously cheaper) or a smaller, wedding party only thing at a restaurant.
I agree with the others, be happy that they’re paying for it and throwing it for you, or just do it yourself how you want it. If she’s traditional and wants to throw it, it might hurt your relationship if you say you don’t want them to do it. How important is the rd to you?