Post # 1
Hey Bees! Is it weird to have your rehearsal dinner at your house?
For the RD, people have to come from 1/2 to 2 hours away. Not a huge deal for us because we all travel, but my fiance would like to have the RD near to our house (kinda central). The only issue is that the restaurants near our house are rather expensive.
My fiance and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves (which is fine) including the rehearsal dinner. My fiance was sure his parents would offer, but they haven’t and won’t (not because they can’t; good FMIL story for another day).
My aunt suggested we have the RD at the house. She is a chef and made me an amazing shower, and offered to make the entire dinner and pay for someone to serve and clean-up. Our house is a good party house and is large enough to accommodate all 25-30 people seated in the dining room. I know that she’s trying to save us the cost of the RD.
My FI thinks that having it at the house is lame. The wedding is pretty formal, and he feels this doesn’t fit with the formal plan. He’s also worried about a mess in the house the night before the wedding. (I’m getting ready in the house the next morning so the photog will be there.)
I think it could be nice. (And save about $2,000, which isn’t a ton, but it’s something). I mean, the RD is only the people in the wedding and their spouses, and it’s nice not to have to be rushed at a restaurant, no?
Would you think it was "lame"? Do you think it’s too much going on?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t think it was lame at all, but as a guest, I would feel really horrible going to your house, dirtying your dishes, and making you work for me the night before your own wedding!
Post # 4
i don’t think it’s lame. i’ve been to a rehersal dinner at a home before and had a blast. plus it was so much more relaxed then some stuffy restaurant where we had to be concious of the noise level [a common issue when we all get together. lol]. i think a more relaxed rd is a good thing in front of a formal wedding but that’s my opinion. plus, if your aunt is going to cook and pay someone to serve and clean [meaning they’re doing the dishes and not you] then there isn’t too much work for you and your fi. just keep everyone in one central location [or two] so your potential mess is minimal.
i think this would be a fabulous idea. plus it’ll be easier for you both to mingle amongst everyone; it’d be more like a party than anything else. i say go for it and have fun. and just think, once it’s over you’re already home!
Post # 5
MJ, we are doing the same thing. Because like you we are paying for the wedding ourselves and about 90% of the guest will be out of town we wanted to have a Welcome/Rehearsal Dinner for everyone in our backyard. We hope it will be a elegant affaire even if it is in our backyard. It will be mostly cater except for a few things we are making ourselves but plan to have linens and decor to make it elegant. We feel it will be cozy and a good way for everyone to visit our home and relax before the big day.
Good luck with the planning and let me know if you would like me to share some of our ideas with you.
Post # 6
i think it’s a great idea. since you’re having a formal wedding, it would be nice to have a more casual, elegant RD. i’m sure everyone or your bridal party will chip in and help clean up too. i’m having the same issue but our house is too small for 45 guests. i’ve been looking at restaurants near the ceremony site but they are either out of our price range or too small. it’s frustrating…
Post # 7
oh my gosh, I totally missed the part where your aunt was going to cook and hire people to clean up. In that case, I think the RD at your place is a great idea. I’m sure people will enjoy the relaxed atmosphere!
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I dont think its wierd at all. After realizing what kind of KICK ASS honeymoon we could have had if we had had a pizza and beer RD and spent the money on our vacation, I’m wishing we had gone youre route.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone– I needed some impartial opinions!!! (I’m going to have to have the fiance read these and see Luxe is doing it too!) We are a loud crowd, we’re trying to have the actual rehearsal on the early side, despite the formal wedding, I’m really more casual, so I really liked my aunt’s generous offer. I guess all this planing just makes you doubt every decision at some point! Thanks again 🙂
Post # 10
i think its a great idea! we are having ours catered at a non-restaurant location (and by catered, Im thinking cheese& crackers/ gourmet sandwiches & fancy ice cream or something similar) & expect noone to say a word about how its usually at a restaurant. positives are, you know your costs in advance & can share a bottle of champagne or 4 without worrying about our noise or your time limit or the bill… or a drunk BM or 4 who keep ordering drinks & will have a hangover for your 10 am catholic ceremony. see? it’s multi-benificial.
Post # 11
Yes, it is fine to have it at your house, especially since you will be offering a fantastic meal from your aunt! I don’t see why people even have to ask if it’s ok to host one at your house, that’s what people used to do
My fiancee’s sister in law had her shower, RD and baby shower at restaurants; and while there’s nothing wrong with that, I sort of miss the old-fashioned quaintness of holding it at a house. That’s what I plan to do! Especially since I love to bake!
Have fun- the most important part!
Post # 12
Do it at the house. Essentially it will be catered and if the serving help are also paid to clean up what is the fuss? The hosue will still be clean and you can decorate the table up with arrangements from the florist, candles and beautiful linens that will make the whole thing wonderful. It is better than a restaurant since you can relax in the living room for cocktails and hds and then move on to the dining room. It will be much more relaxed but still very elegant.
Even better you don’t have all of the extra noise from the kitchens and the restaurant. you can also pick your own background music.
It may be worth hiring an additional person to work with your aunt so that the dishes are cleaned as they work and prep work, dicinng veggies and such can be done more quickly. This way your aunt can socialize with everyone and the server will have help with the cleaning later. A simple but elegent meal will allow your aunt to join you (a must as she is essentially paying for this) at the table. Do an easy desert, such as strawberry shortcake or a mouse with fresh berries, that can be prepared ahead and just plated by the server while everyone (including your aunt is eating).
This will be a lot more memorable than a restaurant.
Post # 13
Go for it! That sounds wonderful to me. We’re probably going to do at least part of our RD at my parents’ house since there has been a change in plans (I have some future in-law stories as well regarding the RD). We’re thinking maybe Mexican food catered or something fun. Tell your FI that it would be fun and everyone would really enjoy it.
Post # 14
kleverkira- Yummm, mexican food. I love mexican, and hate this diet I’m on, so that last post is tough to read!
tberry- my aunt actually plans to prep and cook it at her place, bring it over, and finish it in oven to table cookware. He worries about strange things. I think it’s that his family is very non-ethnic so there’s no tradition of cooking or family parties in the house. (Certainly not the houseful of Italians that we always have!) Everything with his family is in a restaurant (or poorly cooked), so to him it seems weird, I guess.
Thanks for all the comments. I think seeing how many people think it’s a good idea will surely convince my fiance that people will have a good time. 🙂
Post # 15
nah.. I want to have a BBQ at my parents house for RD, because I have alot on my plate with wedding planning, so I want something less formal and just families and friends getting together. you’re already spending an arm and a leg for the wedding day.. y kill yourself further by having a formal event for RD.
Post # 16
I think you should have it at your house, but come up with some plan to get everyone to leave at a reasonable time. When I have had dinner parties, sometimes people linger until really really late! Maybe plan some kind of event that signals "dinner’s over, now get out!" Or else you might end up very tired on your wedding day.