- 3 years ago
Been a longtime lurker here, however being recently engaged and dealing with this situation, just now finally registering! 🙂
This happened about a week ago, and it has honestly been on my mind all week. I am usually the type to just let things go and work through my hurt feelings until I get over them. However now, I am really, really annoyed at my friend, whom I will call Leah.
Leah and her bf, ‘Alan’ got together a little more than a month before FI and I got together. We both have been with our FI/BF’s for close to a year. Leah and Alan’s relationship has been very tumultuous, with them breaking up at least three times that I know of (including once at my birthday party) and constant fighting due to Leah’s extreme …insecurities.
FI and I, on the other hand, hardly fight. When/if we do, we do NOT drag our friends into it as Leah and Alan do. We have never considered breaking up. I trust FI and he trusts me.
Anytime I have been around Leah, when Alan is not around, she brings up to me how she keeps telling him he needs to ‘put a ring on it’ if he is expecting her to pop out kids before she is too old. Leah is 30 years old.
FI and I had been talking a lot about getting engaged, and he proposed a little more than a week ago. 🙂
Sad to say, neither of us wanted to tell Leah or Alan immediately, because we knew it would light a new fire under Leah and she would put even more pressure on Alan.
The day after we got engaged, I had an event to attend with Leah and another girlfriend. I sucked it up and told both of my friends my happy news. I am not kidding or exaggerating when I say this was Leah’s first reaction:
“OH MY GOD! I AM CALLING ALAN RIGHT NOW! WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER LONGER THAN YOU TWO!”
It really rubbed me the wrong way, so I replied in a joking-ish tone that this was about me right now and she can call Alan later. She then took a picture of my ring and sent it to Alan saying she wanted one exactly like it.
During the event, she brought up 4 times how she can’t believe FI and I are engaged, when she and Alan should be engaged first since they were together first. It was then followed up with ‘but I am really happy for you guys’. During this event, everytime she would say it, I would tell her that it doesn’t so much matter how long a couple has been together, it will happen when both people are ready for that step. She spoke with Alan during the event, and after she got off the phone, told me that he told her that hers is coming soon.
Bees, my feelings are hurt. I know Leah loves Alan and she wants to be at that place with him and I totally get that. I just don’t understand why for this one day she couldn’t just be a supportive friend to me and share in my excitement, instead of making it about her. I have been on the fence about saying anything, because I usually just let things go…but this is REALLY bugging me. How can I consider having her as my bridesmaid when I don’t feel like she is genuinely happy for FI and I?