We're inviting everyone to a casual welcome bbq the night before the wedding, paid for graciously by my fiance's parents. We wanted to have it at the ranch where we're holding the wedding because it's convenient, and most everyone is staying there, no one would have to drive, etc. but they are being totally greedy and it's about $2000 than we want to spend. (His parents might be ok with the extra cost, but we don't want to do that.)
There is a cute tavern about 2-3 miles up the (mostly dirt, deserted) road (ie, no difficult city traffic) and they will do a great spread that is exactly on budget. I was telling a friend that we might end up going with the tavern instead of the ranch and she said that maybe we should rethink because people will have to drive and won't be able to drink.
(We are encouraging people to car-pool from the airport, but most will probably rent cars because the only shuttle service available is prohibitively expensive for most.)
I know that it's definitely not required that a) we invite everyone to a welcome dinner and b) if we do, that it be on site, but I was just kind of shocked that she even suggested we re-think it.
Clearly we can do what we want, and I think our plan is totally reasonable, but if you were a guest at a wedding and had to drive a couple miles for a rehearsal dinner, would you be slightly pissed/offended/otherwise not happy? She's definitely the crazy one, right?
Why do we assume guests need lots of alcohol to have a good time and why is it acceptable to think people will be irresonsible by drinking without making plans for getting to and from the venue.
This is not an all night house party. Lots of people attend office parties, BBQs, dinner parties, etc and have no problem driving to and from such events. It sounds crazy, but guests can have fun eating, mingling without drinking alcohol...or limiting themselves to 1-2 drinks for the first half and not consuming alcohol thereafter.
your friend is on crack. this sounds like a perfect idea! we had a 'hang-over bbq' the day after our wedding and everyone had to drive about 15min from the main wedding location and it was no problem. for friends that are going to drink heavily, they are adults and should plan on carpooling.
everyone has their 2cents, especially friends, but they don't see the big picture and the pocketbook. go with your gut!
I agree - you are not crazy! I am sure plenty of people will want a few cocktails, some might even get a little tipsy, but I doubt the majority will be seeing this as a big free for all drink fest the day before the wedding. Those who want to drink should be expected to drink and drive responsibly, arrange for alternate transporation, carpool, etc. just as with any adult event anywhere in any context.
I agree that it is a very gracious thing for you to do and she is over stepping by saying that. They are capable of being responsible adults. Tell her that you will get the numbers of some cab companies together for people.
I don't know that she's overstepping, it's a point, but I don't think you should have to worry. It's a great way to ensure that your guests aren't so hung over they don't make the wedding the next day!
I dont think your friend is crazy but you are correct to assume it is reasonable to ask people to drive a few miles for the event--mind you they can opt out of going! I do think her point about the alcohol and driving is worth hearing but in the end cant be solved so thank her and make a plan to decide who is driving etc. I have to tell you it cracks me up that people immediately think they cant manage their own behaviour around alcohol so clearly the venue must change--its called responsibility and wedding or not--we all have to follow some basic rules about not mixing drinking and driving. You are definitely not required to provide people with protected access to unlimited consumption of alcohol! Maybe best you dont say anything but thanks, and lets be sure to be careful with regard to designated drivers, she obviously falls in the category of thinking this is your responsibility--a haven for drinking. Also sorry your original place got greedy--I HATE THAT, and it happens all the time, once they have you they twist the knife and I am proud of you for not being held hostage!
I would want it off site just for variety given that you're holding the wedding there already. people ought to be mature enough to manage their drinking if they know they're going to drive, and if you know someone is not, watch them!
We're inviting everyone to a casual welcome bbq the night before the wedding, paid for graciously by my fiance's parents. We wanted to have it at the ranch where we're holding the wedding because it's convenient, and most everyone is staying there, no one would have to drive, etc. but they are being totally greedy and it's about $2000 than we want to spend. (His parents might be ok with the extra cost, but we don't want to do that.)
There is a cute tavern about 2-3 miles up the (mostly dirt, deserted) road (ie, no difficult city traffic) and they will do a great spread that is exactly on budget. I was telling a friend that we might end up going with the tavern instead of the ranch and she said that maybe we should rethink because people will have to drive and won't be able to drink.
(We are encouraging people to car-pool from the airport, but most will probably rent cars because the only shuttle service available is prohibitively expensive for most.)
I know that it's definitely not required that a) we invite everyone to a welcome dinner and b) if we do, that it be on site, but I was just kind of shocked that she even suggested we re-think it.
Clearly we can do what we want, and I think our plan is totally reasonable, but if you were a guest at a wedding and had to drive a couple miles for a rehearsal dinner, would you be slightly pissed/offended/otherwise not happy? She's definitely the crazy one, right?
posted by livvie 88 posts 3 months agoI think that's a great idea for a welcome dinner!
Why do we assume guests need lots of alcohol to have a good time and why is it acceptable to think people will be irresonsible by drinking without making plans for getting to and from the venue.
This is not an all night house party. Lots of people attend office parties, BBQs, dinner parties, etc and have no problem driving to and from such events. It sounds crazy, but guests can have fun eating, mingling without drinking alcohol...or limiting themselves to 1-2 drinks for the first half and not consuming alcohol thereafter.
posted by indecisivebride 80 posts 3 months agoyour friend is on crack. this sounds like a perfect idea! we had a 'hang-over bbq' the day after our wedding and everyone had to drive about 15min from the main wedding location and it was no problem. for friends that are going to drink heavily, they are adults and should plan on carpooling.
everyone has their 2cents, especially friends, but they don't see the big picture and the pocketbook. go with your gut!
posted by glittergrl 320 posts 3 months agoI agree - you are not crazy! I am sure plenty of people will want a few cocktails, some might even get a little tipsy, but I doubt the majority will be seeing this as a big free for all drink fest the day before the wedding. Those who want to drink should be expected to drink and drive responsibly, arrange for alternate transporation, carpool, etc. just as with any adult event anywhere in any context.
Sounds fun to me! Great idea!
posted by Cyd 83 posts 3 months agoI agree that it is a very gracious thing for you to do and she is over stepping by saying that. They are capable of being responsible adults. Tell her that you will get the numbers of some cab companies together for people.
posted by MrsDavis 66 posts 3 months agoThanks everyone, I *knew* that she was off-base, but started to feel like an un-gracious hostess.
posted by livvie 88 posts 3 months agoI don't know that she's overstepping, it's a point, but I don't think you should have to worry. It's a great way to ensure that your guests aren't so hung over they don't make the wedding the next day!
posted by kara 13 posts 3 months agoI dont think your friend is crazy but you are correct to assume it is reasonable to ask people to drive a few miles for the event--mind you they can opt out of going! I do think her point about the alcohol and driving is worth hearing but in the end cant be solved so thank her and make a plan to decide who is driving etc. I have to tell you it cracks me up that people immediately think they cant manage their own behaviour around alcohol so clearly the venue must change--its called responsibility and wedding or not--we all have to follow some basic rules about not mixing drinking and driving. You are definitely not required to provide people with protected access to unlimited consumption of alcohol! Maybe best you dont say anything but thanks, and lets be sure to be careful with regard to designated drivers, she obviously falls in the category of thinking this is your responsibility--a haven for drinking. Also sorry your original place got greedy--I HATE THAT, and it happens all the time, once they have you they twist the knife and I am proud of you for not being held hostage!
posted by ju1244 254 posts 3 months agoit's not like you want all your friends hungover at the wedding, anyway! So, maybe it's better to have an incentive to not drink!
posted by cannotwait 214 posts 3 months agoI would want it off site just for variety given that you're holding the wedding there already. people ought to be mature enough to manage their drinking if they know they're going to drive, and if you know someone is not, watch them!
posted by MsPopcorn 104 posts 3 months ago