Post # 1
Thanks Oxygen for popularizing the word Bridezilla. Now I guess everything thing that comes out of my mouth makes me a Bridezilla.
I will write a short little story about why I kicked a bridesmaid to the curb 3 weeks until my wedding while I sip on this yummy yum Leinenkugal Orange Shandy.
I am getting married in a few weeks and unfortunately last week my dog needed an unexpected surgery. She is doing very well now. But that surgery cost me $800. I was a good bride and I had been saving my pennies to help my girls out as much as I could making $11 an hr. Im not rich! Since my dog needed surgery I had to spend all of what I had saved and put the rest on my credit card. This put me in a bind. I had to give somewhere. So I told the girls they would need to pay for their own hair, $45. I had planned on paying for their airbrush makeup and hair. I still plan to pay for their makeup.
This whole process has been pretty laid back. No drama or anything like that until my surprise bridal shower. Well I never told my girls I was going to pay for all this for them. But I did offer all of them a place to stay for FREE friday night so they wouldnt have to get a hotel room. I also let them pick the style of dress they wanted so they could wear it again if they wanted. I also let them pick whatever black shoes they wanted so they didnt have to go out and buy new shoes. I was trying to make this wedding and inexpensive as possible for them.
Well, yesterday I get a text from a BM telling me :”WHAT!!!! I have to pay $45 to get my hair done??! Ill do it myself and my makeup” ok fine, but it needs to be in an updo if you do your own. (she has no experience in doing hair) She then proceeds to tell me that if I want the BMs to have their hair a certain way I should pay for it all. She then told me I was inconsiderate and ungrateful. Yet, I have tried to be as accomodating as possible. I cancelled my bachelorette party so that saved her $100s so I dont understand why she cares about $45 to look nice for my wedding. I even said OK, do your own just make sure its an updo. I wasnt going to FORCE her to pay. But after she called me inconsiderate I felt the need to bring up the fact that my mom and dad planned an amazing surprise bridal shower for me and she RSVPd yes and 30 minutes before it started she facebooked my mom and said she wasnt going cause it was a 3 hour drive. I dont care if a BM goes or not but you do NOT cancel out on something like that 30 minutes before because you failed to realize it was a 3 hour drive and you didnt want to go. She then tells me she did nothing wrong and didnt want to spend that time with me and I should know that she is a last minute kind of person.
Really….so a last minute person is now upset at me because I told her 3 weeks before the wedding she would have to pay for more than just her dress. She of all people should then understand “last minute.”
So I told she is out. I dont want to deal with someone like her that I cannot trust to show up. Obviously if it isnt convenient for her its not ok. How am I to know that the day before the wedding she sends me a text saying oh never mind I cant make it, its a 3 hour drive.
I am going to go finish this yummtastic beer now 🙂
Post # 4
Good luck. I hope it all turns out ok
Post # 5
It’s $45, not a fancy updo at an upscale salon. You told all your girls in plenty of time and it’s not like you just gave up paying for just that girl’s hair. She sounds like she wasn’t there for you anyway which sucks. I have short hair (chin length) and the bride for the wedding I’m in next weekend is requiring us to curl our hair, because it’s a “wedding” style I’m paying $50+tip. Am I unhappy about wasting $50 for short hair? Yup, but as friend and bridesmaid I knew that going in. Sorry you’re having such a crappy day! Enjoy a few more beers, you deserve it:)
Post # 6
Thanks ya’ll. I am quite relieved that she is out. She wasnt there for me at all and didnt want to do anything but show up on the day of. I didnt think $45 was a lot, I was just in my sisters wedding a month ago and I paid $60. I didnt complain. As a bridesmaid you usually understand you will need to pay for more than just your dress. I wish I was rich so no one had to pay for anything but I am not. 🙁
Post # 7
When it comes to dictating appearances for a wedding, I can see why she and others get a bit upset. Appearance is a very personal thing for a person. I know that in light of everything else that you have been generously acommodating about, it seems like a little thing for her to get upset about, but since she is putting time/and or money into doing her hair for your wedding, then she may feel that she shoud have the ultimate decision over how her hair is styled.
If she cancelled just because she didn’t want to spend time with you, then there are obviously more problems in your friendship then those related to the wedding.
I am sorry that you are experiencing so much stress. I hope that things get better for you, and that you have a wondertful wedding.
Post # 8
She sounds like the one who has the problem to me….More like a Bridesmaidzilla….
Post # 9
@nerdybee: I told the girls MONTHS ago how I wanted their hair. I wanted to have a different hair style than everyone else and mine was going to be down. I told her if she wanted to do her hair then just do an updo. The other girls got to pick if they wanted an updo or half updo because my stylist knows what she is doing. This girl would only be happy if her hair was down and straight like she does it everyday. like I said if something isnt convenient for her she has a fit.
@raziel1687: I agree. All my other bridesmaids agree too. They actually didnt even like her and are glad that I dismissed her!
Post # 10
@jesssamesssa: So you lost a friend over a hairstyle and a party… m’kay, if you feel it’s worth it.
This is why I don’t like to get involved in weddings. Glad your dog is OK!
Post # 11
@jesssamesssa: Okay. I am prone to give the benefit of the doubt and to try to be understanding. Your update helps me understand your point of view more. She is very much in the wrong with that attitude! I am gladf that you no longer have to deal with it. Have a wonderful wedding!
Post # 12
@Aquaria: I cared enough about her to ignore that fact that she upset my parents. My mom was pissed and my dad walked out. I felt so bad for them. She hasnt cared about the wedding or me since I started planning the wedding. She told me she just has to go to the wedding and the rehearsal and not all the other stupid events that I had….really. I didnt plan that party. It was a surprise. That is the only event I am having. I know BMs are not required to do anything beyond standing there but you just dont do what she did. That was my problem.
Post # 13
There are a couple of things I find wrong with your post.
I get that you don’t make a lot of money, but we don’t know what her finances are like and maybe $45 for a one day hair do is too much. I tend to think that if you’re dictating a certain hairstyle, then you should be responsible for the cost of ensuring it’s done to your liking.
Also, unless she’s 9, she has experience doing her hair. I’m guessing her mommy isn’t coming over every day to do her hair on her way to work or school or whatever. Just about anyone can master an updo thanks to Youtube.
Personally, I’m with one of the other PPs who said you basically threw away a friendship over a hairstyle and a party. If it was that easy, she really wasn’t a friend to begin with. I couldn’t fathom doing that to someone I call my friend.
You had a moment, a bad one at that. Someone who cancels their attendance at your bridal shower at the last minute is rude, but that has nothing to do with whether or not she’ll be at your wedding. You kicked her out of the wedding, I hope you at least have the class to reimburse her for the dress she had to buy for your event that she’s probably not going to if she can’t get a refund.
Post # 14
@DJones69: I tried for 40 minutes to follow an “easy 5 minute updo” tutorial on youtube before giving up, I am useless at hair 😉
OP sorry you ended up in this crappy situation. Seems like more must have been going on that we don’t know about. She overreacted to the news of needing to pay for hair but I think kicking her out was an overreaction too. Hope things work out for the two of you if you wish to salvage this friendship, kicking someone out of a wedding party is often a friendship ending move.
Post # 15
@DJones69: I do know what her finances are like. She has no bills at all because her boyfriend pays for everything for her and she makes over double what I do. In my post I had stated that I was planning on paying for everyones makeup and hair and other gifts but my dog had an unexpected surgery last week that took all that and then some. Its not like I just wanted everyone to pay for everything themselves. I tried my hardest to save.
She really had no experience doing hair besides straightening it. That is why if you read my post I told her ok, if you dont want to spend $45 then do an updo. And she told me I was inconsiderate. I was trying to accomodating but if it wasnt what she wanted then I was in the wrong. That is just how she is in life with everyone. She started to call me names and that shows me that she doesnt think much of our friendship. I do not want someone that calls me names and doesnt seem to care to stand up there with me on my wedding day. She told she didnt want to spend time with me. What was I supposed to do, say Oh Im so sorry and do whatever she wants to make her happy and me unhappy on my wedding day…. I dont think so.
Post # 16
What I’m wondering is when so many people forgot that bridesmaids tend look the way the brides want them to look unless specified otherwise. What did I miss? When did this common bit of information about weddings change? Why are so many women shocked and kicking up a fuss when a bride wants an updo? It’s ridiculous. If your personal appearance is so important to you that you don’t want to change it for one day, don’t be in a wedding. I just don’t understand their thinking sometimes.
Good riddance, I say. This should make the wedding and the days leading up to it much easier for you and your bridesmaids.