- 6 years ago
I wrote a post a couple of days ago (maybe even yesterday) explaining why we’re deciding to go from a big wedding to a very small, family and a few friends only wedding; namely stress, and we’ve really reconsidered what our vision of our wedding truly is. It will be simple and intimate – a small ceremony followed by dinner at a restaurant (or something like that). We’ll also be moving our date up from June to February (no I’m not pregnant) because now that we’re downsizing the cost and size so much (from 100 people to about 40), there’s no reason to wait and we really just want to be married.
So I mentioned this to my Mom tonight and talked about how we just want to invite just our families (about 30 people, mostly on his side) and a few friends each (like 10 all together). When we talked about her friends (her original list was about 25 of our 100) she said, “Well I already invited them.”
Well sure….but that was when we were having a big extravagant wedding in June. Things have changed. We’re now planning a pretty private, “family and best friends only” reception in February.
A bit of pertinent information before I ask your advice:
– Her and my Dad have offered to contribute 5,000+ dollars toward our wedding (our original plans would have cost between 15,000-18,000 dollars). I assume that still stands (and would cover the majority of the new budget), although we have enough saved to cover the costs ourselves. I’m the youngest, the only daughter, and will be the first to get married.
– My Mom and I have always been very close and she is a wonderful person. Not at all pushy or snarky, and incredibly supportive. She’s an amazing mother and person – I do not mean to critisize her or put her down at all with this post.
– I believe she’s disappointed with our new plan. I think she feels that I’m going to regret not having a “big day”. When we talked, she made it sound like she was trying to find ways to make our small reception fancier and bigger (eg. suggesting having 75 people instead of 100 when I mentioned having 40 and suggesting fancier places to hold it).
So tell me, bees – what’s the protocol here? HAVE these guests already been invited? Is there a good way to bring this up without her feeling as though her daughter is ripping her mother and herself off by having a small, non-traditional wedding? Does it make a difference that twice as many guests there will be from his side of the family than from my side? Does that mean she should invite more friends to “make up” for the numbers?
Some of these people are dear neighbours and people that have known me since I was young (most I know the wives well but not the husbands). However, when we went through the list and thought about who would truly make our day more special and who we really wanted to be there, these people weren’t on that list. My mom’s best friend is on the list, of course, but she’s there because I want her there.
Anyway, sorry this is so long. I just feel so sad. I already feel like I’m disappointing my traditional mom with my non-traditional wedding, and I may be the only one of her kids to ever get married. She’s nearing 70 and I think she’s been waiting a long time for this day. She was so proud to tell all her friends and show them my ring (and it’s modest!) and I’d hate to embarrass her but I just don’t want our wedding to become “family, best friends, and 2 tables full of my mom’s friends and their husbands who I couldn’t pick out of a lineup”, you know?
I’ll stop talking now – please let me know what you think!!